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Wow. That is some story. I can't even begin to imagine. Glad you are going to church and protecting your kids. Has she contacted you or the kids recently...sorry if I am intruding. Yes she sees the kids weekly in visitation. However I do not speak to or see her. There is an email address for communication. As a general rule, Dr Harley typically recommends no contact after divorce, unless the husband is trying to win the wife back in which cases he recommends plan A for years if needed
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I am going to start reading His Needs and Her Needs but I have to ask this.
I tell her I miss her, and I enjoy spending time with her and kissing her and holding her hands and things like that. Is that good for meeting her emotional needs?
Or does that come off as being whatever. I think she is having issues feeling loveable after all she has done. Is it normal for them to ask the BS do you still feel the way you do or now.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Also, I need strength because as I am feeling vulnerable now and this woman at work has been speaking to me, non-romantically but it seems like it could lead to an affair itself if I am not careful...
or am I being paranoid.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Go with your gut. Stop talking to her its that simple. You should also read surviving the affair and lovebusters if you haven't already. His need her needs won't help you as much if the affair is active.
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I read surviving the affair, not lovebusters yet. And I am avoiding saying certain things to her now because I realize the damage that could do. I have to be the better person about this.
Last edited by ChristianSamuari; 11/22/13 12:49 PM.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Also, I need strength because as I am feeling vulnerable now and this woman at work has been speaking to me, non-romantically but it seems like it could lead to an affair itself if I am not careful...
or am I being paranoid. Youre not being paranoid. You are being rational. Dr Harley is very clear that married people should have NO opposite sex friendships! So avoid personal conversations with this woman.
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I am going to start reading His Needs and Her Needs but I have to ask this.
I tell her I miss her, and I enjoy spending time with her and kissing her and holding her hands and things like that. Is that good for meeting her emotional needs?
Or does that come off as being whatever. I think she is having issues feeling loveable after all she has done. Is it normal for them to ask the BS do you still feel the way you do or now. She is going back and forth between you and her affair partner. That's why youre in plan A. When she asks, "what about our future? do you love me?" you answer "I am willing to work with you to create a loving healthy marriage once you end your affair" she then will ask OM: Do you love me ? what about our future?> She is comparing and contrasting. you want to be the better man and the shining lighthouse. Like in the book of Hosea.
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On trying to show affection to my wife, should I still be saying I love her or that fact that she had an affair should I not say it? Doesn't that mess with her brain. Trying to show affection with out being sexual and meeting her needs.
Last edited by ChristianSamuari; 11/24/13 09:43 AM.
ME\30
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DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Was this an Exit Affair? Is she doing everything just to exit the marriage you think? She doesn't say I love you or anything to me. Of course I know I shouldn't be hooked on that and you guys think this is an active affair
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Was this an Exit Affair? Is she doing everything just to exit the marriage you think? She doesn't say I love you or anything to me. Of course I know I shouldn't be hooked on that and you guys think this is an active affair Most affairs are not planned out in advance. As explained in Surviving An Affair, they happen due to poor boundaries. Dr Harley has counseled more than 50, 000 couples and I've never heard him speak of exit affairs on his radio show
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This one seems like it was planned in my opinion and I know I could be speaking from pain and hurt, but she did admit she reached out to him and was looking for someone to take care of her for the longest time...
ME\30
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For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Sir the term "exit affair" is nonsense.
It is just a term.
If Dr Harley found validity in the term he would use it in his literature
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I got it from when looking through other affair sites before coming to this one. Problem, is doing all this research makes you almost paranoid
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Yes I understand.
I read all the other stuff too.
However Dr Harley is an EXPERIENCED national expert on this.
I encourage you to just focus on Plan A
What emotional needs can you meet today?
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I am working on that!  Plan A all the way.
ME\30
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DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Seems like we had some breakthrough after going to MC. She told me what needs the OM was meeting. She is thinking she wants to rekindle/reconcile but isn't sure if we are strong enough to stop hurting each other.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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I think this is fogbabble.
What needs did she say he was/is meeting?
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Well, for now she said affection even though she didn't provided examples, and said that during sex she didn't feel like she was being used.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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No she's in love with the affair parter.
I suggest you stop the counseling.
Go to the next appt and say: "I am willing to work with you to create a loving romantic marriage where both of our needs are met but you must first permanently separate from om and agree to send a no contact letter and never see or speak to him again"
If she refuses walk out.
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Well, for now she said affection even though she didn't provided examples, and said that during sex she didn't feel like she was being used. If she is in love with her affair partner, then she isn't the one being used - you are.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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