If it didn't ask you to pay a dollar, it went to his "other" box which is only visible on a PC. Some people (like me!) Who only use Facebook mobile won't even see their "other" box.

Ok, I am installing the mobile one and will try to contact him through that

thanks, haven't heard anything yet.

Well I blew it. I had an angry outburst. I came to her and my daughter and she was on the computer playing a game and I said shouldn't we be interacting as a family and she said you haven't seen your daughter all day and you should focus on her. I got upset and have the wrong look and trust me that is an angry outburst look. We talked about it and the whole thing made me feel even more angry and sadder because I always come out looking like the bad guy in these situations.

CS,

I am getting back to you about Plan A. You listed some steps you are taking in Plan A, but truthfully you are floundering. Imagine a newly caught fish on the deck of a boat. Hopping, jumping, and thrashing. That's you right now.

Take some time, friend, and read the following two links to get your bearings back:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2400725&page=1


Everyone makes mistakes when they are in Plan A. It is really one of the hardest things to do. But you have failed to execute on many levels, and you need to straighten out your ship and get it going in the right direction.

If your goal is to recover your marriage, you need to be the stable one in this relationship. Show her that you are cool, calm, responsible, wise, and that you still have a sense of humor. Be the safe landing that she needs. Seek to meet her needs while at the same time using the stick of Plan A to kill the affair and hold her accountable without any disrespectful judgments or angry outbursts.

Can you read the links and follow the advice in them?

I think I can but I also might be a little confused. The affair is over and we are technically separated because she is staying at her parents house. However, how am I supposed to place emphasize on what worked in our marriage and what I contributed to the marriage. I am going to do a list of what I have contributed to the marriage and work on that.

When it says emphasize what has worked in our marriage, does that mean I should emphasize to her or should I just do those things on my own?

In plan A just try to meet emotional needs.
Her affair is not over.
Its underground but most likely ongoing.

You can consider it over when she agrees to write a NC letter and agrees to extraordinary precautions and marital recovery

The fact that she has not agreed to martial recovery you assume the Affair has gone underground? What are some clues that the affair is not over that I should be looking for?

If she is not willing to agree with all the extraordinary precautions starting with the no contact letter that you rewiew before sending out' then she is still in the fog and it is not safe for you to move on.

I haven't asked for a NC letter... I should ask for that. She told me she is looking for personality changes and stuff in me so she can feel safe to come back. I believe she still is in the fog myself.

Why would you assume it's not on going? Fact is she (in her mind) has a more attractive option compared to being at home. This means she has a comparison point.

I read more of plan A, and I am getting it. I am starting to understand.

If my spouse say's I am trying to win her back, what should my response be to that statement. That is a very narcissistic statement in my opinion.

I would say, I am willing to work with you to create a marriage where both of our needs are met but you must first end your affair

Should I direct my wife to this site or wait when she is ready to move.

In following Plan A I told my wife I feel hopeful about our marriage and she responded why now and I am about to say the following:
The reasons I have become hopeful.
1. Dealing with the anger and emotions and letting them go has set me free.
2. I know I can and I want to meet all your needs.
3. I love you and want to instill that romantic feeling back in you that we felt
in the beginning.
I feel like I can do it as long as I am not having to compete with any others

Do you think that is good?

I would stick with what JK said. It short and sweet and doesn't scream look at me I'm changing so let's get back together. Remember your fixing the issues for yourself not for her. Plan A is no expectations.

No. I would not direct her here until the affair has died a natural death and she is willing to (a) commit to never contacting OM for the rest of her life and (b) agrees to follow the MB recovery program.

If she has questions you can share the book Surviving an Affair with her

I texted her the following basically: would say, I am willing to work with you to create a marriage where both of our needs are met but you must first end your affair

Thats good.
She's in the fog and you need to repeat that over and over, and hope some of the message gets through her thick skull and when she has moments of clarity, she will remember what you say

I hope, I am glad you can smile and feel good.

I took inventory of her Emotional Needs. Going to try and execute those next.

I keep seeing your buddy icon and think your smiling all the time...