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I caught my wife in affair with a coworker this week. I suspected for some time but she always said I was paranoid and that they were just friends.
She claims that at no time did she become physical with him. But texts and photos suggest the flirtation was pointing to physical. This lasted a good 2 years!
About a year ago she started texting him that she loved him and needed him. Here's the deal I'm a decent looking guy 6 foot 175 pounds. The guy she was engaging is 370 plus and I don't get it
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Hi CaptObvious, welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. If you are interested in saving your marriage, you will need to bust up the affair first. I would go read "start here first" and come back and we will help you with next steps.
Are you married? How long? Any children?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hello Cap'n Obvious;
You have found the right place to answer all your questions about your wife's affair. Whether you wish to recover your marriage, or move on, you are in the right place.
Did you read the first entry on the "Surviving An Affair" thread? The one marked, "Welcome aboard; Read here First." If not, go there now.
On weekends, there are fewer posters and veterans around to help. So be patient.
EDIT TO ADD: I see MelodyLane has already posted to you. She is one of the very best. Answer her questions and do whatever she advises you.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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CaptObvious,
If it went on for two years there is a great deal your WW is not telling you, you may need to get a polygraph for your WW or you will never get the full story.
Is the OM married?
God Bless
Gamma
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Thank you. I have two daughters age 16 and 12 and we've been married for 19 years . She said it was only via text but I caught her three times at his house. The texting was out of control late night texting usually 30 to 60 texts a day. She even sent a dirty photo from her workplace .
I just cannot imagine at some point it wasn't physical.
People in the community have known for some time, and her and I are going to tell her parents this weekend
Last edited by CaptObvious; 12/06/13 11:23 PM.
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Thank you. I have two daughters age 16 and 12 and we've been married for 19 years . She said it was only via text but I caught her three times at his house. The texting was out of control late night texting usually 30 to 60 texts a day. She even sent a dirty photo from her workplace .
I just cannot imagine at some point it wasn't physical.
People in the community have known for some time, and her and I are going to tell her parents this weekend Capt, please go read the thread in my signature, Exposure 101. The affair will need to be exposed by you [not her] to family, friends, workplace and children. She will also have to leave that job. The affair will never die unless she leaves the job. I would also strongly suggest that you save all your evidence in a safe place that she can't find. It is very likely you may need it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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CaptObvious,
When I first blundered into MB my W was taking an 80+ year old man to church with her, and while I don't think it could have been sexual, he was meeting my Ws emotional need for admiration and conversation, and I was shocked when some of the things my W was telling me I was reading on MB.
The other point is that guys who are at a disadvantage will work hard on their prey when they seen an opening. With the 80+ year he was a doctor, and I suspect had honed his skill with nurses through the years.
Is the OM married?
God Bless
Gamma
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Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.
Are you getting your exposure list ready to expose?
Is OM married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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His wife left him about a year ago for another women.
I
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His wife left him about a year ago for another women.
I I would put her at the top of your exposure list.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My wife is putting off telling her parents. I asked to be at this meeting and she has agreed.
I'm ready to just go over on my own , but she says it's her parents and she should be the one to break the news. Her brother says that I shouldn't because his sister will be mad and reconciliation will not happen. I'm scared and not sure what to do.
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Dr Harley would encourage YOU to expose.
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Have you read this and what Dr. Harley (who has saved thousands of marriages from infidelity) has to say about exposure? Exposure 101
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes and I'm ready to go. My wife says he's 71 and had a rough week at work and doesn't want to cause any health issues.
We all know no time is the right time to share this but she must
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My wife is putting off telling her parents. I asked to be at this meeting and she has agreed.
I'm ready to just go over on my own , but she says it's her parents and she should be the one to break the news. Her brother says that I shouldn't because his sister will be mad and reconciliation will not happen. I'm scared and not sure what to do. At risk of stating the obvious, Captain Obvious, it would probably be smarter to follow the recommendations of an expert with a proven track record of saving marriages (Dr. Harley), rather than the recommendations of someone who has no expertise whatsoever in saving marriages, and an elaborate track record of marriage-wrecking choices (your wife.)
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Yes and I'm ready to go. My wife says he's 71 and had a rough week at work and doesn't want to cause any health issues.
We all know no time is the right time to share this but she must Harley would encourage you to expose on your own, without her knowledge or approval and you should do so immediately. You also need to expose to the company management
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My wife is putting off telling her parents. I asked to be at this meeting and she has agreed.
I'm ready to just go over on my own , but she says it's her parents and she should be the one to break the news. Her brother says that I shouldn't because his sister will be mad and reconciliation will not happen. I'm scared and not sure what to do. You should do the exposure yourself and stop discussing it. It is a big mistake to discuss exposure with a wayward. It just leads to unnecessary fights and does not get the job done. There should be no forewarning at all. I would head over there as soon as you can get away and just tell them. OR, pick up the phone and just call them right now. Do you know what to say?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes and I'm ready to go. My wife says he's 71 and had a rough week at work and doesn't want to cause any health issues.
We all know no time is the right time to share this but she must There is a right time to share this; that time is right now. And sharing this isn't something she must do; it is something you must do.
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Yes and I'm ready to go. My wife says he's 71 and had a rough week at work and doesn't want to cause any health issues.
We all know no time is the right time to share this but she must No, YOU must do it. Don't discuss it anymore with her. Just go get it done. AND, expose the affair to everyone else today. Your kids, other family, close friends and the OM's family and friends. Does the OM have a facebook page? If so, follow the instructions on my exposure 101 thread. Additionally, the affair will need to be exposed at her workplace if she does not leave her job in 4 weeks. Give her 4 weeks to get out of there and then launch that nuke.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She is a principal and superintendent knows. Just told them to be professional from here on
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