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I hope, I am glad you can smile and feel good.
I took inventory of her Emotional Needs. Going to try and execute those next.
I keep seeing your buddy icon and think your smiling all the time... I actually am smiling a lot. Having a spouse in an affair drains your life force. I remember those days well, I could hardly function. I took it one day at a time, with Gods help
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I don't think this is working for me... I might try another plan, meeting her needs is just not working... I think I am going to just disengage her all together. I am worrying too much and it is causing me to much stress. I got to take care of myself, she screwed up, and got her feelings in a bind for some other man. I can't compete as long as she's in withdrawal/fog...
I will try later. still going to go away but now i feel different about it...
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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I don't think this is working for me... I might try another plan, meeting her needs is just not working... I think I am going to just disengage her all together. I am worrying too much and it is causing me to much stress. I got to take care of myself, she screwed up, and got her feelings in a bind for some other man. I can't compete as long as she's in withdrawal/fog...
I will try later. still going to go away but now i feel different about it... CS, Stop modifying the plan based on her actions and your emotional response. Stick with the basics and stay with it. Your constant vacillations are setting you back over and over. Time to man up.
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NO EXPECTATIONS! I went through the same thing man. Once you understand you cannot control her and do a proper Plan A her reactions and non reactions will have no effect on you. Like Just stated, open that can of man and follow through. You do good and I bet my paycheck she will see the difference in her mind. Yet, she will compare and contrast those plan A actions. At the same time you set a benchmark of behavior you will allow. I'm not going to lie the first 3 months my WW was an angry woman towards me no matter the actions I took.
Now I have to get off the phone with her because she enjoys talking to me. It takes time and a WHOLE LOT OF PATIENCE! What gets me through the day is my DS and working out. Relieves my stress and has me looking my best. You should read a good Plan A thread from a poster as a reference. Samurais fight with honor right?
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Alright alright.... Let me ask you this... What do I say when she asks if I am ok and I am suffering from thoughts or something... Should I tell her what I am feeling?! Or is that a love buster?
Last edited by ChristianSamuari; 12/11/13 04:37 PM.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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She asked me was I ok.
I said was upset because I was thinking about he affairs and was feeling hurt.
she says oh, ok and I'm sorry.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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So I told her how I was feeling because of the affairs and she the following:
WW: I am sorry.
BH: I be there in a few. You ok?
WW: Just feel like this will plague our lives forever.
WW: Just having a sad day
BH: What will plague our lives forever?
WW: This whole situation.
BH: I still believe we can have a healthy marriage where we can meet each others needs. I believe we can get past all of this.
How's that? Is this a good start to a solid plan A?
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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I would say yes. Are you doing any investigating aka snooping? Part of plan A is busting up the affair. Has she agreed to a NC letter? Also, stop bringing up the affair(s). Keep the conversation light and pleasant. Aren't you two going away together? Where and when are you going? Have you read any of Dr. Harley's books? Do not bring up any relationship talk. Let her and when she does state what JK said and politely change the subject.
Last edited by TranquilDark; 12/11/13 09:34 PM.
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Are you doing any investigating aka snooping? Yes, I have contacted OMW and I have been spying on her FB account. I am trying to find an opportune time to sneak her IPHONE. Part of plan A is busting up the affair. Has she agreed to a NC letter? I have not asked for one yet... Also, stop bringing up the affair(s). Keep the conversation light and pleasant. I will from here on out. Aren't you two going away together? Where and when are you going? Yes but I am not sure where to yet. Have you read any of Dr. Harley's books? I read SAA and in the process HNHN. Do not bring up any relationship talk. Let her and when she does state what JK said and politely change the subject. Ok. That seems simple enough.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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I am feeling more hopeful and confident now...how odd.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Refresh my memory, but didn't you write Dr. Harley?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Refresh my memory, but didn't you write Dr. Harley? Yes I did and this is what they said back. Your problems in marriage have as much to do with your living conditions as
they do with your wife's unfaithfulness. There are so many changes that
must be made that I hardly know where to start. First and foremost, you and
your wife should work the same hours, and be home together every night.
There should be no relatives living with you. You need privacy. Your
ability to meet each other's emotional needs during the past few years
has been almost nonexistent. She has affairs with people that she spends
time with and who meet her emotional needs. You've rarely been with her.
While your anger is certainly something that must end (I'd encourage you to
avoid swords or any other kind of weapon altogether), your marriage is hardly
satisfying to either of you. Your time away will be an opportunity to
discuss how you would change your living conditions, and how you could
pay for it. Learn to support each other without help from others. If your
wife doesn't want to continue her marriage with you, I'd hang on a while
longer to be sure that she doesn't change her mind. If she divorces you, she's
likely to go from the frying pan into the fire. I'd also make sure that
your child is really yours. Get a blood test for the child to be
certain. I'd also see an attorney to be sure that you understand your options if your wife were to divorce you.
Best wishes,
Dr. Harley
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Are you going to get the DNA test done?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Probably but I am pretty sure she is mine
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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So I told her how I was feeling because of the affairs and she the following:
WW: I am sorry.
BH: I be there in a few. You ok?
WW: Just feel like this will plague our lives forever.
WW: Just having a sad day
BH: What will plague our lives forever?
WW: This whole situation.
BH: I still believe we can have a healthy marriage where we can meet each others needs. I believe we can get past all of this.
How's that? Is this a good start to a solid plan A? Yes. But I would always include "But you must first end your affair with OM and agree to a recovery program"
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I am feeling more hopeful and confident now...how odd. I am training for a marathon. I feel confident that I will do well in the marathon because I am following an established plan developed by an expert in the field. If I did not have this plan, I would not be so confident of running 26 miles
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Are there any plain examples of PLAN A anywhere that I can model?
Nevermind, I am finding some helpful information here:http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2296184&page=3
Last edited by ChristianSamuari; 12/12/13 08:48 AM.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Are there any plain examples of PLAN A anywhere that I can model?
Nevermind, I am finding some helpful information here:http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2296184&page=3 I'm going to bump a couple Plan A threads for you to read.
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Are there any plain examples of PLAN A anywhere that I can model?
Nevermind, I am finding some helpful information here:http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2296184&page=3 I'm going to bump a couple Plan A threads for you to read. Thank you. I am starting to understand a little bit more now.
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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doing some snooping right now... think i might find a way to hack her facebook account
ME\30
WW\28
DD\3
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
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