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So conflicted! I'm working on gathering evidence of ongoing affair. I suspect that my wife is involved with her guy doing a 12 days of christmas gift exchange. I found 5 of the gifts wrapped in the spare tire well of her car. Seems she was smart and didn't put a "To" on any of them. However, there is the 12th gift that looks like a card in a sealed envilope. Do I open it!?!? what if there is no evidence in it!? I can't risk this backfiring.
What would you do?
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Joined: Jan 2010
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backfiring? For heaven's sake, man, don't be afraid of her. Get a GPS on her car, get the goods, get moving.
And stick to one thread.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Guess I should have posted this to the other thread, just wanted a quick reply with some advice. I know you all will give me [censored] for this, but there are particular circumstances where I really can't do the GPS, VAR or spyware things. Thanks for the input.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Guess I should have posted this to the other thread, just wanted a quick reply with some advice. I know you all will give me [censored] for this, but there are particular circumstances where I really can't do the GPS, VAR or spyware things. Thanks for the input. You already know who OM is. Expose the affair. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I don't have the book, but I've read a ton of content on this site. I have confronted her about OM when I found the text/phone calls. This is after that. I really feel I need more concrete evidence before completing plan A and exposure.
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I don't have the book, but I've read a ton of content on this site. I have confronted her about OM when I found the text/phone calls. Great, you tipped her off. Now she can learn to be more careful and keep the affair underground. Should've exposed instead. I really feel I need more concrete evidence before completing plan A and exposure. So open the envelope, photograph the entire contents of the gift set, and start exposing! Also, quit passing up opportunities to collect evidence, like the GPS, etc. You need to find out where she is. You cannot afford to pass this up - why make excuses to pick the path that doesn't work?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Why don't you remove the envelope and open it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You can download a copy to your computer at amazon.com and start reading tonight.
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I am really concerned that you are not taking a more serious approach here. You have been here 3 days and don't have the necessary evidence? It takes 1 to 2 days to get the evidence. The longer the affair goes on unimpeded, the more entrenched it becomes. The more entrenched it becomes, the harder it will to save your marriage.
So go open the envelope and then quietly get back on your computer and start sending out exposure letters. Do you have your exposure letters prepared? Do you have a list of exposure targets that included the OM's contacts?
When you expose the affair, simply say "My wife is having an affair." and add the rest of the verbiage from the template letters. Don't equivocate and say you don't know. you know she is so that is you need to say.
Have you gone through my exposure thread and prepared your list?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Please listen to Mel's advice. I found MB almost 5 months after discovering my WH A. The so called experts all advised to wait for the A to die naturally and interfering with the A would only bond the AP.
That advice was the worst advice I received and I sincerely believe if I had of exposed earlier it would have killed the A. The A was allowed to continue uninterrupted for too long and only served to enable the A and allow it to become more entrenched and difficult to bust. My exposure was effective, he complained for months after I exposed and they both left their jobs at a later date. The problem was even with effective exposure my WH became more addicted and foggy.
Please follow the MB plans, exposure is a very useful if you use it wisely.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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I don't have the book, but I've read a ton of content on this site. I have confronted her about OM when I found the text/phone calls. This is after that. I really feel I need more concrete evidence before completing plan A and exposure. Did you open the envelope? Do you have your exposure list and letters ready?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Can you read anything by holing envelope in front of bright light?
Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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You have access to her car....
buy a voice activated digital recorder at target, wallmart, radio shack, etc
fiddle with the recorder and read the directions so you clearly understand how it works - you don't want to make a stupid mess up while hiding it and miss getting anything. The most common mistake is accidentally turning it off while hiding it.
Hide it under your wife's drivers seat securing it with some velcro so it doesn't slide out from under there unintentionally.
All is not lost. I used a VAR way back in 2005 to bust my wife and we are now happy and nearly 9 years recovered now. It'll be OK. YOU will make it.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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So conflicted! I'm working on gathering evidence of ongoing affair. I suspect that my wife is involved with her guy doing a 12 days of christmas gift exchange. I found 5 of the gifts wrapped in the spare tire well of her car. Seems she was smart and didn't put a "To" on any of them. However, there is the 12th gift that looks like a card in a sealed envilope. Do I open it!?!? what if there is no evidence in it!? I can't risk this backfiring.
What would you do? If the gifts and card were for you, they would be under the tree. Open the card.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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So conflicted! I'm working on gathering evidence of ongoing affair. I suspect that my wife is involved with her guy doing a 12 days of christmas gift exchange. I found 5 of the gifts wrapped in the spare tire well of her car. Seems she was smart and didn't put a "To" on any of them. However, there is the 12th gift that looks like a card in a sealed envilope. Do I open it!?!? what if there is no evidence in it!? I can't risk this backfiring.
What would you do? Yup....and then don't put it back. If the gifts and card were for you, they would be under the tree. Open the card. Agree...don't put it back....keep the evidence and deny ever seeing it or touching it. 1. She's a ww ...she won't ask you about it 2. WW's are scatterbrains trying to juggle a whole lot of lies...the fact the card is missing will most likely make her panic that she lost it or left it sitting out somewhere...the conclusion you grabbed it won't cross her mind unless you tell her (which you are not obligated to do). 3. Waywards love to argue rules while following none. Don't fall for such ridiculous arguments that state what you can and can not complain about or do while she does whatever she wants. 4. Waywards are the stupidest people in the world. Logic is beyond them. [she can regain her intelligence by becoming NOT wayward]
Last edited by MrWondering; 12/22/13 02:11 PM.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I would have no shame in 1st looking at the card and seeing who it's to, and if not to you then i would grab all the gifts and return them and get refunds. If it's for an OP, she is spending your marital assets for her fantasy.
Keep it covert and don't reveal what you know.
I'm getting fed up with the audacity of Waywards though and see how futile so many good men and women as BS's are run over without any consideration.
It's time to address the elephant in tbe room. Have you found out what gripes she has had and made your Plan A changes and used the Stick part of exposure yet?
LTL
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If you could find a matching envelope, I'd be tempted to suggest you plant a bomb!
Suppose you substituted a card from you promising holy hell if prosom has further contact with ww? Wouldn't that be a special moment?
(Seriously don't tip your hand unless you can time a nuclear exposure for the same time. But enjoy the thought)
Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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I sure hope you have opened it by now -- its likely the very evidence you are looking for.
And follow Mr. Wonderings advice. Play dumb about any missing card.
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splits,
sounds like you're presenting a holiday mystery novel here!
No action = no concern!
Tom
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I'm mystified why the card wasn't opened when it was first discovered. This is your wife, not an acquaintance. Knowing that she is in an affair, and blowing the chance to get evidence when it's available is a really weak decision. Listen pal, [censored] footing around while your wife gives her lover gifts--and who knows what else-on the 12 days of Christmas is the kind of response that accelerates the divorce train. Ooooh, I'm worried my WW will catch me sniffing around. But it's all a charade anyway. She will respect you a lot more in the end if you put up a courageous fight instead of being wimpy.
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