When do you plan to move out?
Thats your first step

No connections to family or work

Jedi...doing this on Monday, all others i am sorry to all of you for coming across as not serious. Bottom of heart sorry. i am a true mental mess, embarrassed and ashamed, afraid. can i just ask that once i move out and establish no contact that someone here will guide me? again, i am sorry to all who feel i am wasting their time. My confidence and self esteem are at all time low, depression issues led me to where i am now, but only me to blame here. apologies again, very much respect your help, time and efforts. will do all i can not to waste it.

Make that first step. Then we will know your serious.

It's not the mistakes that you make, it's how you fix them that shows what kind of person you are.

How do you feel that remaining shacked up together with your affair partner for an additional 4 days will assist you in attempting to restore your marriage and family?

The only thing that can occur is to give time for your affair partner to draw on your sympathy to continue along the wrong path.

You can make a profound declaration of integrity by moving out immediately and retrieving your additional personal belongings at a later date without having to be in contact with the Other Woman.

You will show, by your Actions, that you realized your mistake and with good friendly marital advice, you immediately began to put your family first before the needs and desires of your affair.

Be that kind of man that your Wife can respect and eventually forgive.

Do it today!!!

Is there any reason not to if you truly want your family restored?

LTL

You have a lot of wayward thinking to correct.

You gave all of us the impression that you barely escaped that shrew of an abusive wife. That you left only because of her anger.

The reality is you left because she discovered your affair.
The reality is she was angry because of you affair.
(I don't blame her)

So from there, you proceed to not only continue the affair, but also move your girlfriend in with you. So now you have discovered that the grass is not greener, and you want back what you had before.

Earn it.

From your wife's perspective, you have no credibility while you are living with another woman, and wanting your family back.
Get serious. Get out of your situation and earn your way back.
Live alone. Court your wife. Make lovebank deposits. Build a transparent life with extraordinary precautions against contact with OW.

You have no right to ask anything of your wife until you get your side of the street cleaned up.

I agree with all above. Sorry background story wasn't concise. She had an ea, and I thought it was behind us, never fully recovered. She was somewhat emotionally verbally abusive, I was depressed off and on for years for no good reason. Not defending my actions! Just back ground. Physical abuse happened when I told her of A. I made a real mess. I will do the things that will enable my wife to come to her own decision about rebuilding or not. It's her decision not mine, but I will do as advised above. I miss my family, have cried everyday for almost a year, in a fog of misery that only I can change. Went from one fog to another. It's not about the grass being greener or not, it's about missing and needing my wife and children, it was my purpose for many years, and for good reason. It's who I really am. They didn't deserve this, I made a commitment and failed them. I can't live rest if life this way. It's my purpose. I have come to realize that doing the right thing can lead to happiness. But doing what seemingly makes you "feel" happy in the face of the right thing will never be right or happy.

On the contrary, your background story was far too concise - missing out that fact that you are shacked up with your whore.

How does OW feel about your crying for your family every day? Why is she living with you if you are the picture of misery that you describe? What is in this for her?

Sugar Bear, I am not trying to offend or mislead. This site helped me when shoe was on other foot. I apologize, not trying to leak truth here. What ow says is what most ow or om say, it will get better..and as I said before I'm going to do right thing. I made a terrible mess of things, and I love and miss my family.

Get the book Surviving an Affair, the new revised edition that came out last year. Follow everything in it, and your marriage can probably be saved. It will start with you ending all forms of contact with your affair partner for life.

Don't be one of those dads who says "would die for my kids but wouldn't end contact with my affair partner for them."



Contact with your affair partner is essentially all that is keeping your kids away from you! It's not all that you have left - it's the reason you HAVE nothing left.

End contact with your affair partner (move out), get down on one knee, and tell your kids how wrong you were.

Do you love your family enough to never have contact with your affair partner again? Starting right this instant? Not even any contact today?

Dr. Harley doesn't advocate forgiving. It sounds like you didn't follow his recommendations and instead went your own way. You set yourself up for resentment. Then you justified your own affair with the very resentment you caused, yourself.

Get the book Surviving an Affair, and follow it to the letter.

Yes

Yes to what?

Will you be moving out of the apartment you share with your other woman TODAY?

If so, then you will then need to write a No Contact For Life letter and adhere to it.

The veteran posters will guide you with that if you actually follow through and start actually doing the right actions.

Preferably, this NC letter will state how you undeservedly treated your Wife and Family and should be Approved by your Wife, with her actually seeing the letter getting mailed.

Let us know if you moved out today.

LTL

Whoa!! Excuse me - nobody is allowed to call me Sugar Bear except my husband.

Excellent radio clip where Dr. H talks about what a WH should do for his wife to give him another try after his affairs. He explains it like an addict.

Radio Clip on a WH on what to do to get back with his wife 3:50 mark