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New letter:
OW,
It is out of love and respect for my family that I have come to the conclusion that our relationship has to end. I hope to be able to repair the damage caused and help my family find happiness. I wish the same for you. I will not be contacting you anymore and ask you to respect my decision by doing the same.
Sincerely,
WH The template letter used is the best NC letter, because it talks about how the affair was a cruel indulgence that the betrayed spouse didn't deserve. If you are okay with this, at least remove the part where he wishes her happiness in her marriage. Her future happiness is none of his, or your, concern.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Finally got the NC letter. SusieQ asked me to post it so here it is, it's pretty wordy:
"OW,
This is the letter I told you you would probably get. I think everything has been said that needs to be said other than maybe just a couple things again.
You have taught me many things and for that I will always be grateful. You are a very strong person with so much character. I wish you the very best and hope you will always be happy. As you know I have been to the bishop and stake president and am trying to make my life right with the Lord. I know you desire is to do the same and know you and I will both be blessed for doing this. I know Heavenly Father knows who both are and our strengths and weaknesses. He loves all of us and wants us to be happy and find joy in life. After having visited with them I have continued to feel more strongly that what I should and need to do is always be there for my wife and kids. At this point I feel like I'm taking a huge leap of faith and hoping we will all be blessed for hopefully doing what is right/best. I know how much you love your kids and I love mine. I can't look them in the eyes anymore and tell them how much I love them when at least to them I'm not doing all I can to show it to them. I have to do what I think is best for everyone. I hope you know I truly want what's best for you and your kids and for me and mine and (wife).
Just so you know I am giving this letter to her and she will be mailing it to you. I hope you can forgive me for putting you thru this. You deserve the best in life. That is truly my hope for you and your kids.
I need to be able to put my full attention toward (wife) and my kids and ask for your blessing in doing so. Because I know you will even though its hard I want to thank you ahead of time.
In closing I want you to know that I know making it right with the Lord is what is right and best. I hope you and I and our families can find and have the peace and comfort from the Holy Ghost as we all do what needs to be done.
(Wife) is a great person and a wonderful mom who deserve to be happy also. And deserves all the best out of life. I wish you all the best. Keep your chin up and please be safe. I will not be contacting you anymore and ask the same from you.
Sincerely,
WH"
I already crossed out his "I love you" and a bunch of crap like that. I am going to cross out more, like the beginning of the 2nd paragraph, and where he asks her forgiveness. I would reject that letter. It is completely, utterly inappropriate. And MEANINGLESS. You haven't taken this insincere person back yet, have you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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New letter:
OW,
It is out of love and respect for my family that I have come to the conclusion that our relationship has to end. I hope to be able to repair the damage caused and help my family find happiness. I wish the same for you. I will not be contacting you anymore and ask you to respect my decision by doing the same.
Sincerely,
WH Another REJECT!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melodylane, no I haven't taken him back yet. I think he thought he WAS following the SAA template. Should he use it word for word?
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Melodylane, no I haven't taken him back yet. I think he thought he WAS following the SAA template. Should he use it word for word? Nowhere does Dr Harley tell a wayward to wish his skank "happiness."  How disrespectful to you. And it sounds like he has told her he will be forced to send her a nc letter and to dismiss it. You do realize he is not even remotely serious, don't you? His first letter should have clued you into about how serious he really is: NOT SERIOUS AT ALL! My suggestion would be to wait until he is actually serious. This is not a demonstration of a wayward who is serious. He is just checking the box while making sure he doesn't harm his affair. Do you have any reason to believe the affair ended? It sure doesn't sound like it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[You want to reconcile with a guy whose idea of just compensation TO YOU is to write a love letter to his OW? AND SENDS YOU THE COPY?? "OW,
This is the letter I told you you would probably get. I think everything has been said that needs to be said other than maybe just a couple things again.
You have taught me many things and for that I will always be grateful. You are a very strong person with so much character. I wish you the very best and hope you will always be happy. As you know I have been to the bishop and stake president and am trying to make my life right with the Lord. I know you desire is to do the same and know you and I will both be blessed for doing this. I know Heavenly Father knows who both are and our strengths and weaknesses. He loves all of us and wants us to be happy and find joy in life. After having visited with them I have continued to feel more strongly that what I should and need to do is always be there for my wife and kids. At this point I feel like I'm taking a huge leap of faith and hoping we will all be blessed for hopefully doing what is right/best. I know how much you love your kids and I love mine. I can't look them in the eyes anymore and tell them how much I love them when at least to them I'm not doing all I can to show it to them. I have to do what I think is best for everyone. I hope you know I truly want what's best for you and your kids and for me and mine and (wife).
Just so you know I am giving this letter to her and she will be mailing it to you. I hope you can forgive me for putting you thru this. You deserve the best in life. That is truly my hope for you and your kids.
I need to be able to put my full attention toward (wife) and my kids and ask for your blessing in doing so. Because I know you will even though its hard I want to thank you ahead of time.
In closing I want you to know that I know making it right with the Lord is what is right and best. I hope you and I and our families can find and have the peace and comfort from the Holy Ghost as we all do what needs to be done.
(Wife) is a great person and a wonderful mom who deserve to be happy also. And deserves all the best out of life. I wish you all the best. Keep your chin up and please be safe. I will not be contacting you anymore and ask the same from you.
Sincerely,
WH" That is a guy who is a) not done with his affair and b) not even remotely serious about the necessary steps to justly compensate you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MelodyLane, I know this is a slight diversion, but I've noticed that you are a very frequent poster and very knowledgeable. Is there a thread with your story in it? I also noticed that NeverGuessed placed a link to his story in his signature line.
DDay - July 25, 2013
DDay #2 - January 27, 2014
DDay #3 - June 29, 2014
BS - Me, 39
WW - Her, 36
5 kids
Married 17 yrs.
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Pius, I think my story is all over the place. I didn't have just one thread. The forum was very different back then.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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O BARF!!!!
back into plan B! That letter is really really bad!
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Megz, where does this skank live? Does she live in your same town?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Does the OW go to your church? Why is she speaking to your bishop?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She lives in a town about 20 miles away, same metropolitan area. We are of the same faith, but go to different wards in our respective towns. She's not talking to my bishop, she is talking to her own bishop. WH is talking to our bishop.
I think his attitude right now is that he is doing this to "do the right thing", even though he has said several times he loves me.
He's not "there" yet, though, attitude-wise.
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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I think his attitude right now is that he is doing this to "do the right thing", even though he has said several times he loves me.
. Careful,Megz. That "because it is the right thing to do" phrase is EXACTLY the phrase Taffy used when I asked him why he wanted to send the NC letter. Turns out, he had a "hope" to end the A, but not a "plan.," so his NC lasted exactly 1 hour, from the time he was back in the OW's vicinity. As for his second NC letter, since he had already told the OW that the first one was all my idea, sent under duress, the second had no "teeth". And OW continued to try to contact Taffy for over 7 months (that we know of...) My point is that your WH is still sounding very wayward.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Backing into Plan B again....
On a good note, I started college again on Monday!
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Backing into Plan B again....
On a good note, I started college again on Monday! Good girl!! You will know when your husband is serious. He is not remotely serious right now. He is just toying with you to see if you will break Plan B.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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O BARF!!!!
back into plan B! That letter is really really bad! In a different context, I would have thought it was intended as satire. The OW having such a great character? ... Really ... SERIOUSLY?
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Megz
I don't know if anyone at church has brought this up but it has really helped me to focus on what is right. I have this framed and displayed in my entry hallway to remind myself every day. When he has this mindset you'll know he's serious. You'll know where to find it.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
BH Me 34
WW 29
DS 7, DD 5
Multiple EAs 2006-2011
PA 1 OM1 2/2012; D-Day1 3/14/2012; NC 4/1/2012; broke NC 05/2012
PA 2 ONS OW1 7/11/12
PA 3 OM2 1/06/2013; D-Day2 1/14/2013
Divorcing 1/22 Plan A 1/23
Worthless attempt at Trickle Exposure
Multiple PAs OW2,3,&4 since 1/27/2013
WW moved out 3/5/2013
Temp Custody of DS and DD 3/21/13
WW moved back D-Day 3 9/1/13
NC/FR 9/3/13
WW moved out 9/17/13
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mijunleigh, wow your reminder came at just the right moment! I'm sure I have an extra copy around here, I will find it. Sorry about your doozie of a situation as well. 
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Megz --
Watch out. His very first sentence tells you all you need to know -- he warned her that a letter like this would be coming...
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YW Megz. Thought it might come in handy.
Believe me when I say there is much more hope for you than for me. You're doing a good job.
Keep that Plan B locked down tight as a drum, you can do it. The most important thing I can tell you is to not do anything the way I've done it. Just follow the advice from the vets here to the letter and remember you're in it for the long haul. Forever. Be steadfast and know that you will survive no matter what is put before you. You are not alone. People have gone before you; through much worse even, and come out the other end better and stronger because of it. You will see it happening before your very eyes, and it's a marvel to behold. Take care of yourself and those kiddos.
BH Me 34
WW 29
DS 7, DD 5
Multiple EAs 2006-2011
PA 1 OM1 2/2012; D-Day1 3/14/2012; NC 4/1/2012; broke NC 05/2012
PA 2 ONS OW1 7/11/12
PA 3 OM2 1/06/2013; D-Day2 1/14/2013
Divorcing 1/22 Plan A 1/23
Worthless attempt at Trickle Exposure
Multiple PAs OW2,3,&4 since 1/27/2013
WW moved out 3/5/2013
Temp Custody of DS and DD 3/21/13
WW moved back D-Day 3 9/1/13
NC/FR 9/3/13
WW moved out 9/17/13
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