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Ok - I will. Thank you! Please pray for us too!
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gostate,
Your BH is struggling with images/movies of you with the OM physically. ***EDIT*** Men put on a brave face but are crushed by feelings of inferiority on the inside.
Have you been honest about the details of what happened sexually with your BH? Men can dwell on those for a long time.
Also do your children know you had an affair?
And again has the OM been exposed to his family?
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Ariel; 01/08/14 12:34 PM. Reason: Inappropriate
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Gostate,
I just prayed that both you and your husband will surrender your lives to God and have a desire to live according to Gods standards personally and in a blessed marriage.
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Thank you - that is my prayer too
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Ok - I will. Thank you! Please pray for us too! Will do!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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gostate,
Your BH is struggling with images/movies of you with the OM physically. ***EDIT*** Men put on a brave face but are crushed by feelings of inferiority on the inside.
Have you been honest about the details of what happened sexually with your BH? Men can dwell on those for a long time.
Also do your children know you had an affair?
And again has the OM been exposed to his family?
God Bless
Gamma All of that may be true, but none of it is an excuse for an angry outburst, which only makes the problem worse. Focus on making it impossible for the OM to contact you, i.e., changing your number so that he can't text you. It would probably also be a good idea to try to move.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Your BH is struggling with images/movies of you with the OM physically. ***EDIT*** Men put on a brave face but are crushed by feelings of inferiority on the inside.
Have you been honest about the details of what happened sexually with your BH? Men can dwell on those for a long time. Gamma, you are projecting yourself into this situation. BHs do not all share the same reactions, neither do they all need the same things. It is very possible to totally recover to a wonderful marriage without going through all of that.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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We have not discussed the details of the sexual relationship between the OM and myself. I thought it would only hurt my husband and the affair has been over for over a year. Again, not trying to make excuses. If coming out with details is what it takes to save my marriage, then I will. I did not want details about the woman he was flirting with (he still denies an affair, and I mostly believe him - she lives in a different state and he only visited her once). Is it different because I only half believe that something physical happened? I will read the book that was recommended. Hopefully that will help me understand too 
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gostate, explicit sexual details are not necessary unless your husband asks you for them, but the facts of the affair are:
who with?
when and how long?
where?
who supported the affair?
How far did it go? (intercourse or not, sexual touching, etc.)
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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If coming out with details is what it takes to save my marriage, then I will. No, Dr. Harley does not recommend exhaustively giving all sexual details, and gamma should not be suggesting it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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gostate,
No, Dr. Harley does not recommend exhaustively giving all sexual details, and gamma should not be suggesting it.
I believe on his radio show he suggests not giving them out, but also said answer every question truthfully and he did recognize that some spouses need those details to recover.
I would also suggest you read some of the BH threads on here to get an understanding of what is going on inside of your BHs head. It really helped me reading the WW threads.
God Bless
Gamma
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I was able to download the book - the plan looks like something similar to what our therapist recommended. At our first session (the one a few weeks ago), our homework was to spend time together and start depositing into each other's love bank (and avoid withdrawls). My H did not want to spend time alone with me, even before he stopped going to counseling. The best I have been able to do is sit next to him while he watches television. How do I construct a plan if he will not follow it?
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Okay - I am not against doing whatever I need to do. I just do not want to make things worse.
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gostate,
No, Dr. Harley does not recommend exhaustively giving all sexual details, and gamma should not be suggesting it.
I believe on his radio show he suggests not giving them out, but also said answer every question truthfully and he did recognize that some spouses need those details to recover. Well, that's the point, Gamma. This poster has said that her H has not asked for sexual details, yet you've told her to give them to him. You must not tell her to tell her husband things he'd rather not know about. If he asks, she should answer truthfully, but she shouldn't discuss the sexual behaviour during the affair in other than very general terms, unless he specifically asks.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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