I would just sit down with the father in law and actually tell him that she's confessed to having anal and oral sex with coworkers and that she's going down a very bad path.
Make sure he knows she may get aids and die if this continues

He told me that I should detach from her, make her miss me by not being there and talking to her for a while. Make her miss what she has been missing.

Who told you that?
Your FIL?
Did you tell him about her other affairs?

My FIL told me that. He knew about the other affairs because she told her Mom and she told him. I told him as well and he said I have decisions to make. He said I am better man then him because he is no sure how long he could do what I am doing. He thinks I should detach from her...

CS,

He knew about the other affairs because she told her Mom and she told him.

It is horrible, but innocent family members are often held hostage by the affair as well. What do they do tell and risk losing their intact extended family, or keep silent and have the lies they are holding in flash before their face every time they see you.

We struggle with that with my W's family every day as my FIL cheated on my MIL since the 1950's and he is still doing dishonest deeds. I'm honoring my W's request to keep quiet, but it is revolting.

God Bless
Gamma

Christian,

Is she still living with her parents?

If so I would ask the FIL: " Can you help me save my marriage? Can you tell your daughter not to go running around town while living under your roof?"

Christian,

Can you respond to these suggestions?
Ive spent hours posting to you and it seems like you are wandering away.

Are you remaining faithful in your marriage also? At this point, some betrayed spouse start straying themselves. Make sure you dont do that

I was off because I had to leave work and take train home and go to anger management. My father in law is threatening to kick her out of the house if she talks to anyone else under his roof.

I am remaining faithful. I have boundaries up to avoid straying from the marriage.

I continue to meet her emotional needs...

When did your FIL say this?
Before she went out on new years or after?

Is she going to church with you on sunday?

He said this Before New Years. She has not gone back to church yet... She really hasn't owned up to the affair as being her fault...

If he said it before then hes obviously not doing what he said he would.
I would try to hold him accountable.
Do you go to his church?
In sunday school I would make a prayer request that My wife end her affairs and commit to a Godly marriage.

My father in law is my pastor. I still go to church there. He would need some concrete evidence. He also told me he is going to force her to make a decision because she needs to be with me he said and my daughter needs to be with me.

He is actually looking for a new job which would require him to move to somewhere else.

Did you see the wife today?
Talk to her on the phone?
What are the interactions like?

What is your housing situation?
Are you stable with a job?

Can you raise your daughter as a single parent if needed?

How often are you spending time with your daughter?

Can you please update daily what time you spend with them so we get a clear picture?

I'm worried about you CS? What are doing for yourself? Do you get to see your DD at all? What about your health? Are you exercising? How's that anger management class going. I would also suggest you take a parenting class. Make sure they are both documented in case in the future you have to fight for custody. Remember Plan A is only good if it isn't harmful to you and you need to take care of yourself.

I saw her today, she has been sick but I mainly focused on my daughter. I texted her on the phone. She tells me she wants to see me and how she feels. Yesterday I shared what happen between me and a coworker and she called her a slut and got upset because i defended her. She also has been upset latelty, because she feels i don't think she is important because she asked me to do something and i made mistake so she thinks i don't listen to her.
I am stable with my job. I technically couldn't raise my daughter on my own because of my job and commute. I mean I can support her. I will update daily from now on with the time I spend with them. I normally spend an hour or so with my daughter a day. My wife is there but because they are at her parents house, she doesn't say anything to me to express how she feels. She may interact with me or she will just go and do her own thing.



I have stopped exercising because of an injury which i have to go get xrayed. I am waiting to get my STD results. I am not really doing anything for myself. I just started anger management and I am putting that in to practice already and I am going to IC next Tuesday.

Updated on 1/8/2013:
I sent my wife some poems and texted her that I was concerned for her health since she has been sick. I went to visit my daughter and I played with her for an hour. I hid a card in my WW's coat with some encouraging messages. She asked my daughter if I wanted to help put her to bed and so I did. They were low on diapers and pull ups so I went and go some while picking up my medication.

My WW calls me and asks me to go to the store to get her a Java Chip drink from starbucks and some cookies for a co-workers birthday. I get the cookies and then I get the drink, but I got the wrong one. I was excited to get it to her because I figured she would think good about me.

She later says she shouldn't have ask me to do that. I was bummed by that statement, because for some reason it made me felt used. I drop the stuff off and she kept texting me and i left the phone in the van to charge while going inside a place to get something to eat. Because i got her the wrong drink she saids the following:
"Do you always not listen to me because I'm not important to you?"

I express to her how upset i was that I failed and even said something on the lines I will probably never get it right. She should find somebody else.

she responds. You didn't listen to what I said, you said go find someone else and I appreciate you going for me I really do. I appreciate a lot you do, but you always get like this when you don't pay attention. Why not just say oh sweeties i'm so sorry. please forgive me and acknowledge that maybe i feel hurt for you not listening. and then i will just be ok. but no you always go off the deep end. and now you you're hurt and goodnight to me.

I say that actually makes a lot of since when you put it like that. I apologized and try to resolved the issue right then and there, this all over text. I share an article with her from Love and Respect as I explained to her how her question made me feel and said she feels like she is being attacked.

She said that sometimes i think you read too much. that just makes me feel like not even trying anymore.

I asked her why you want to give up now.

Because is this how you're always going to be now she says.

I explain to her I am trying to improve our relationship by reading and figuring out things.

She retorts:
1. You can't learn everything about a relationship from reading those books, you have to actually live it!

2. I told you something that upset me or made me feel unimportatn and then you send me an article that basically is like i'm attacking you.

I told her I just wanted her to understand my point of view.
then she retorts "it like you say you get it, or understand or your sorry then it like you attack me with something."

I tell her i just wanted you to understand me,

She says it's not always a good time to point things out at someone at that moment when they already feel unimportant already.

I apologized that I made her feel unimportant. She says
I forgive you but I am hurt at the moment. I'm, sorry

I say I am sorry too, i should of addressed your emotions and discussed what I can do.

she send me a sad face and thats the end of the discussion.

Double Love Busters:

Your lack of attention to detail when it comes to her is an annoying habit. Her sense of entitlement is like a selfish demand.

Don't use articles--even ones from MB--to defend yourself. That will further drive a wedge. Instead, read them yourself and put them into practice on your end. You can only clean your side of the street at this time. Once she decides to reconcile with you, make it a condition that she read Dr. Harley's books with you.

Both of you tend to fly off the cuff. You need to direct your actions from a logical and strategic Plan A, not your emotions.

ok. I will put all of that into practice. I will work on just my side of the Street.

She texted me and said it's about me not listening and how i respond.

I told her i was sorry for not listening and responding in an unloving way...I will work on listening and responding better... I am really sorry...

What are you going to do to insure you're listening to her? Is this a problem you've always had?