I am going to follow dr. harley's plan. I am going to send them another email. But I plan to stick to plan A.

Good job.

Yes, send them another email. Stay in contact with Dr. Harley.

Glad to hear this, Samurai. You were wildly inconsistent in your first attempts, but I hope you organize your plan and stick with it this go around. To echo what others have been saying, you have to be "all in" with MB for it to work.

No one here is wishing that you fail, CS. My advice to you is to post here daily and forget about the other forum. JK has given you the reasons and let me share my experience. I was on another forum before this one and it was all about revenge and let her do the work blah, blah, blah. They say here on MB that there are reasons for affairs but never excuses. Have you eliminated those reasons?

What are these big V day plans? You mind posting them here? That information might help others as well. As for not giving advice to others, I felt the same way because my Plan A in the beginning sucked hard. However, that experience might be very valuable to another poster and yourself. Thats why I post to others and share my experiences. MB is a cookie cutter program because all affairs are the same only minor differences. Dr. Harley's plan is very simple and to the point which makes it sucessful. Good luck and from your post you seem to get the mindset you should be in but that's only half of it. The rest is execution.

So my V-day plans.
1. Going to take her to a restaurant that she loves. Japanese Steak House.
2. Going to go the store and get all the gifts that she expressed she liked, and nothing from me besides a card that is very personal.
2.a) This will demonstrate I listen and get what she wants. She complains about this a lot so this will be my time to shine.
2.b) The card will be very personal. I will try to find little love notes that we used to write and make it into a booklet.

I am going to leave work early. Make sure I am dressed properly.

I am also going to do a special valentines for my daughter. I will make her a card and get some candy for her. Do a daddy/daughter type date.

Any other suggestions welcome.

The daughter should love that.

I am constantly working on those.

• Reaching out and talking to her, even if it is through simple text.
• Asking more intimate questions.
• Cleaning the house and doing laundry.
• Listening with out trying to solve the problem
• Avoiding sexual touch and just being affectionate but not needy
• Avoiding Independent behavior
• Anger management
• Talking about my feelings without whining.

Basically Plan A from afar.
I would call, but I am afraid it would come out not so good. So it's either face to face/text.

Pray daily for your marriage.
Read Hosea and pray those prayers.

I know... infidelity makes it feel like your setup to fail. I will persevere.

Yes sir. I will start doing that. I would just pray for her, but I need to pray for us all and I need to read Hosea again and again.

Good man!

In order to fill her love bank you need to meet the needs that are her biggest. Dr. Harley often says that men, for example, spend a ton of time cleaning house and buying things for their spouses but those deposits are simply not worth much if the wife has different needs at the top of her list. So just make sure that as you seek to fill her love bank in Plan A that you are spending your time filling the TOP needs that you already know she has. Has she ever filled out the needs questionnaire? If yes, focus on those.

I have not filled out her Needs questionnaire, but I am pretty sure I know what they are. I created a sue-do checklist on my phone to make sure I am doing certain things daily.

Another thing, is we are playing games together via IPHONE.

WOOOT. I am making progress. I been sending cute little love quotes. She said today.
I miss your hugs sweetie.
I count that as a victory!!!

What about the affair partner?
Any news of him?
Any news from her father?

Not sure if I said it, but I will post it if I did. The weekend we went away together, I confronted him face to face. I didn't give him forgiveness but he did tell me he has not contacted her and she has not contacted him. He offered to give me his new phone number. I didn't take, but I have his wife's number. He's basically in hiding because family and friends have threatened to kill him.

Her father, has been standing on the sidelines basically as far as I can tell. He has talked to her somewhat and told me some things in private, such as she messed up. At one point, she asked how does she know I am the right man for her now. Her father told her, he proved himself to everyone and you have messed up and doesn't know if you are the right woman for me. He told her, that he says, if she doesn't change, he sees divorce in her future and her being miserable and possibly suicidal.

Sorry I didn't post anything Saturday or really much today. On my way to church. We spend some time together yesterday. I took my daughter out and we went swimming and had some lunch then my WW joined us. We went out to dinner as a family. We had some alone time after she put DD to bed and I went and got us some ice cream, her favorite treat from Starbucks and some reeses valentines candies that she said she liked. She got me two gifts, a scarf, because I lost my new one and a mouth guard for when I sleep. I said thank you.

I think we are making progress. Long as I keep up making myself a warming loving individual. I avoided sexual touch and made sure it was all affectionate. She did make a comment when I asked is it ok if I lay on her she said jokingly so you can grope me. I said no.

This morning she said she miss me. We talked a little bit more last night through text and fell asleep.

Well, off to make some more love deposits!

She is doing one major love buster right now that just walks me into a trap and it's hard to avoid and that's talking about my parents. I was calm and kept it short and honest and moved on. She thinks I should detach from them completely.... a whole other story that I think, if we R, then we can work on personally.

Today, I took my WW and DD out to eat. My WW tells me yesterday that she went out to eat with a couple of co-workers. She asked if it was just going to be them and guess who shows up.

DUH DUH DUH DUUUUH. AFP # 2.

She said she didn't talk to him and she wanted to tell me face to face but couldn't get me alone yesterday. He tried to text her and deleted it right away she said. She also said another guy try to contact her through Facebook and she deleted it and didn't response.

My reaction, calm and collective. I told her I appreciate her telling me and respect her for doing so. When of been nice she told me the day of but I was understanding and not judgmental.
She sounded like she was more upset than me that he showed up.

We are not in R, yet but this sounds like a good start in my opinion.

As always, WS Welcome.

She needs to change jobs.
Those jobs have enabled at least two affairs thus far.

Yea, but I better not say anything yet because it will come off as a love buster. I already expressed that I don't like her job as it is. She said she will talk to the IC/MC about it but she is like in love with this job but I expressed that I don't want to be marry to somebody that's not going to bed when I am going to bed.

Well, CS, you're right. You two are not in recovery. As long she has friends who are in the circle of her other boy toys and as long as she has a facebook account recovery is a long way off.

But you are making love bank deposits.