If he is just a "friend" then why is he not taking your husband's calls? Why the FULL STAGE PANIC? What is the problem? If one of my "friends" husbands calls my home, I don't go into a full boat melt down and threaten to call the police and threaten to sue. If he is doing nothing wrong, he can pick up the phone and speak to your husband.

How ridiculous to suggest that him calling there would "put him and his family at risk."

It sounds to me like your "friend" is just scared to death he will get ahold of his wife. What is he so afraid of?

Yes, when I moved out, I moved in with an older woman (60-something) who owns a big house. She takes in boarders, but she also lives with her 60-something brother & her 24-yr.-old son. So yes, my housemates are 1 woman & 2 men. They are a wonderful family & I thank God for their roof over my head, especially right now. I don't know where I'd be if my H had done this while I still lived with him!

Wow, your reply is loaded with Disrespectful Judgments, btw :-)

It also sounds like your Husband hit a button. If this "friendship" is so innocent why would you call the police instead of talking to your husband?

Something doesn't seem right at all???

You and Melody are not working on a marriage together so it's NP

It isn't a DJ to be called out on your independent behaviour. I'm completely serious when I say that most single girls do not even confide in married men or have male housemates. Such a thing would be considered terrible boundaries for a single woman, let alone a married one.

Consider yourself blessed that you have a husband who loves you enough to try and save your marriage.

Perhaps your friend's wife should just speak to your husband on the phone about what is going on, and clear that up? Is that a problem?

Well there goes the theory that your husband doesn't love and cherish you and doesn't value your marriage. He's fighting for you. How romantic. It's interesting that you are embarrassed by such a romantic protective gesture. He's trying to protect you from predator(s), whom are too scared to even answer a phone call.


"Try to reason" is code words for "try to manipulate" and your husband is NOT the one that put OM and OM's family at risk...it was OM's inappropriate relationship with YOU that "put" him and his family at risk.


BTW, threatening with attorneys and the police is straight out of the wayward handbook. It's manipulative and childish. Fortunately your husband has likely read here enough to know it's bull. OM's are chickens. They don't have the balls to stand up in a PUBLIC COURTROOM and face the questioning due them. They prefer secrets, lies and darkness (like cockroaches). I've yet to see an OM follow through with a lawsuit in my 8 years here (mostly because there isn't a cause of action against someone trying to save their marriage and merely exercising their first amendment rights). Regardless, tell OM to bring it...discovery can be fun.

After I read on MB for several weeks, my wife actually initiaed us posting. I stayed off her threads for the most part though we did discuss them at home. Posting together save our marriage. I hope once you come to your senses we can help you and your husband save yours.

Ever hopeful, Godspeed

Mr. Wondering

This man's wife condones our relationship. She loves her husband, trusts him & knows we grew up together. Did you read the part early on about how he's my brother? I told you, their marriage works well. They're both an excellent example of high school sweethearts who made it work.

I did apologize to my husband already by leaving a voicemail. I said I was sorry he felt driven to do this & I'm sorry that I'm hurting him. I also asked what I am supposed to do, but he hasn't told me yet. No word from him. I think I remember that I have to wait now, for a neutral person to contact me, so I can arrange to get the rest of my belongings out of the house? Not sure what happens about our jobs (we work together)... oh well, I guess this will unfold when he's ready to talk.

If H does sue, I hope he does win & quickly. A long court case will deplete our finances, half of which are legally mine... I think... I'll find out soon enough I guess :-(

"This man's wife condones our relationship. She loves her husband, trusts him & knows we grew up together. Did you read the part early on about how he's my brother?"

I wonder if she'd "condone our relationship" if she read ALL the emails, texts, etc exchanged between them?

Your marriage is not working well and your husband does not condone this relationship, though. Does your "friend" care anything about that?

And why is this "friend" so afraid of your husband calling his house and speaking to his wife, if she is so thrilled about your "relationship?" What is this meltdown over? What is the point of all the threats?

I don't know if his wife condones your relationship, but it is clear your husband does not, so that should be enough to lose this guy.


I don't know what you mean by having a "neutral person contact" you, but if I were you, I would get rid of the "friend," stop playing games and go home and work on your marriage.

Does he also have a "secret" email account like you? Or is she allowed to read the emails between you and "friend?" Does he - like you - place your "friendship" above his marriage? If so, then it is not true he has a good marriage. Your "friendship" is completely inappropriate and any person who cares about his marriage knows this.

I would call the police because I fear for my safety. If he's wigging out, how do I know he won't come over here & scare me or my housemates?

I don't know what to do. When I'm afraid, I think I'm supposed to call the police.

CL, I want to reach a helping hand out to you. If you will be radically honest here, we truly can help you get what you want: a romantic, passionate marriage.

I get the sense that you feel this has been missing in your life but you are looking in all the wrong places. Your friendship with this man will never go any further. There is no way that friendship will ever take the place of a marriage.

But you have to get honest first. If you will do that, I will help you walk out of this. I am reaching out a helping hand to you.

My friend is probably afraid my husband is a loose cannon. I know I'm afraid of that too!

I can just imagine what that conversation would look like.

CL: police, please come help me! I am afraid of my husband!

Police: what did he do, Ma'am?

CL: he called my friends mother.

Police: he called your friends mother? He called and threatened your friends mother?

CL: no. He told her I am having an affair with her son. he has gone crazy!! He thinks I am having an affair!!

Police: are you having an affair?

CL: of course not!!

Police: has he threatened you?

CL: no

Police: has he done anything to make you think he will harm you?

CL: he called my friends mother!!!

oh boy. Do you know how crazy that makes YOU sound?

Ah, finally, a good idea. Putting my friend's wife on the phone would actually be good. I will suggest that. Once my husband hears her solid trust in her spouse, maybe he'll stop trying to blame others for our marital issues.

True. I didn't call the police once my friend told me more about what happened. His mother was scared (she's pretty old), tho. She doesn't get a lot of calls from accusatory men.

Your husband is very bothered by your very inappropriate friendship so, of course this "friend" is to blame for that. You are both to blame for your inappropriate marital boundaries. You can't blame that on your husband. If you try to shift the blame you will aggravate the problem. I don't think you really want to do that.

Another good idea would be to open up all your email and text exchanges to your husband and the friends' wife.

Huh? Who ever said H didn't love or cherish me? No one I know, not even me. He tells me all the time that he loves me. That IS romantic. Accusing people of wrong-doing just because you personally don't agree with their life choices isn't romantic. It's rude.

I so agree. But accusing people of wrong doing when they are doing wrong is a good thing, wouldn't you agree? Your "friend" knows your husband doesn't want him hanging around like a creepy interloper so why is he disrespecting your husband?

That is rude. And very inappropriate.