Well the local person that does polygraph is out....I'm hoping they call back within a day or two. There is a person who travels that could do it next week, but he only takes cash and check and I don't have 450 right this moment. I hope the other person will call back soon, if not will have to try borrowing the money.

Great job following up with the Poly! Keep on until you reach someone.

Do not be like me and wait over 4 years before doing this. Four years I will never get back. I did not have nearly the questions you do, but waiting almost destroyed me as a person. This will eat at you until you know the truth.

OK?

You can get cash with your credit card. I know Discover has a 'Cash Over' benefit which you can use at most grocery stores. Buy something you need or a pack of gum for fifty cents, you are allowed 'cash over' your purchase. I think the limit is $100 or $120 per day and there are no fees or special interest rates (treated as a regular purchase). I believe you should be able to get cash with Visa, MC, AMEX too but am not familiar with the fee structure of those.

I don't know if it matters. I'm going to do it, I just don't know if it will make it ok. I have had a really rough day....since Friday....I can't eat, I can't sleep....I can't think about anything else. Today was the first day I had to keep it together all day long, I made dinner, set everyone's on the table and I just couldn't sit there next to him.

I feel so physically sick...I feel like there's a brick sitting in my stomach. My sweet 10 year old was worried about me, when I set down the plates, I knew I was going to lose it, I just turned around and went and laid on the bed. She came in asking what was wrong...I said my head hurt, which is true...but it's so much more than that. I know they know something is up, but I don't want to tell them we are having problems.

At first, I thought I could do it....but I keep learning more and more. I am so shocked by all of the things he has done. How can I be married to this person? How didn't I know him?

And the reality is, if I divorced him, I will lose half of my time with the kids. What would I do without them?

You would use your husband's unstable background to get full custody of your children and perhaps give him supervised visitation like many others here have done.

X2

X3

Sorry you are having a hard day, blackbird. Have you spoken to your family yet? Exposure not only puts eyes on the WS, but a BS can get a support system...and that is very important for you and your children.

Divorce does not mean 50/50...and even joint custody isn't 50/50. Given WS's history and that you are primary caretaker, you have a lot going in your favor to ask for sole custody or to get them the vast majority of the time. Supervised visitation is also a possibility. Don't despair.

My ex lives in another state and only has visitation one weekend a month (not including the holiday, bday, summer break sharing). Even if he lived close by he does not have 50/50.

Please I am begging you. I do not post much on these threads, go look, but read all the time. Many stories have touched me deeply but none has gotten to me like yours has.

I actually was up late last night praying and thinking about you. I got up early to see if you had posted. I so understand how you want this to all go away like a bad dream. It isn't though.

Can you ask him to go stay somewhere while you process this? You cannot think clearly with him around. I am getting this horrible feeling every time I read on your thread.

I think I can say I am not alone on here when I tell you we are all very concerned. You are in a place with some wonderful people. Please listen!!

Have you spoken to his parents about the reasons for his estrangement? I seem to never told them about your marriage and the birth of your child because he was estranged. What is the reason behind that? Have you spoken to them about him?

That's why getting this polygraph is essential to any future custody battle

I think all you have to do is tell your lawyer what you know and they'll fight for you having 100% custody, and have it the way MelodyLane said. Now that you're waking up, you don't need to wait on a polygraph to get him out of there. Work on using that money to see a lawyer ASAP, and they can get you some emergency legal work done for your protection. Another option is a women's shelter, for you and your children. Don't leave them behind no matter what your husband says. Don't let him successfully beg for you to stay in the same house together. If you're wrong about it all, you can work on what it takes to live together again. If you're right, you saved yourself and children from any more harm.

I believe he gave that impression, but he is not and never has been estranged from his parents. He lived with them until we got married and far as I know just kind of stopped coming home one day. They have a strange relationship...don't really speak beyond a surface level, and their marriage is also screwed up...the husband quit his job and moved several states away a few years ago....they never officially separated or anything and who knows if they will ever divorce.

Strange family...

I definitely want the polygraph, I may choose to look at divorce but I, not ready to say its what I want. We had a much better conversation today, calm....he's nervous about the polygraph but still willing and that means a lot to me. And he knows the consequences of failing.

Have you been able to get some sleep? Are you a SAHM and can sleep while WH is at work?

Schedule the polygraph asap.

In the meantime, get a list of suggested questions from some of the vets here...

I am a sahm, but not type who usually has an opportunity to sleep in the day, not that I could if I wanted to. I slept until about 2 am today, so not terrible, close to 3 hours.

Actually I was home this morning, but so was he....we spent the morning talking after I got the kids to school. He is still here, but not sleeping in the same room or anything.

I have to say there has been constant new information of things he has done....I am wondering when he will run out....lying, stealing, drinking, etc just everything. I have no idea what his thought process is with all of this crap.

I have been thinking about questions...

As far as kids go,
Have you ever had physical sexual contact with a minor while married?
And maybe something about thinking about it?

I'm pretty sure he has had sexual interactions with minors online, so don't really need to ask that.

I want to ask if he had physical sexual contact with anyone else while married....otherwise just about anything you can think of he's done it. He really like computer stuff...has done everything one can imagine. He swears there has been no actual sexual contact, he has always stopped short.

I want to ask about drinking. Not sure what, he confessed he regularly would buy alcohol and drink in the car while driving, he sneaks drinks at home, he obviously has a lot more alcohol problems than I ever imagined.

He may have used drugs, may ask about that.

He has shoplifted on multiple occasions....he has stolen money from work....

I mean there are just so many things I can ask. I just need to figure out the few things I really need to know to consider repairing the marriage.

I think physical sex with other women, drinking, and sex with minors are the big things.

This is called "trickle truthing." It is like a steady stream of some of the truth, but not all of it. I have heard some people refer to it as a 'death of a thousand cuts.'

Just a thought - if you are desperate for sleep, have all the kids sleep in the same room with you, and you can try sleeping on the floor in front of the door. (Of course, lock the door.) That might give you more than a few hours because you will know if someone is trying to get into the room, and you will know your children are safe with you.

Good job working on those poly questions! I'm sure more people will chime in about wording or things you can add.

Don't waste too much time thinking up questions about drinking and drugs when your children are at risk, and you're "pretty sure" he's having sexual contact with minors online.

Uh, you know that's a felony, right? Child molestation, sexual assault, plus a whole host of related charges?

Who even cares about the women at this point? By your own estimation he's not just an adulterer, but an adulterous rapist pornographer who sexually assaults children online. And that's only what you KNOW about, never mind everything that you would suspect if you hadn't been living under the same roof with him and making excuses for him for so many years.