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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Military affairs are the EASIEST affairs to end so there is no reason, other than negligence on your part, that this affair is still ongoing.
Don't you want to save your marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
Since he has agreed to work on the reconciliation process, I feel that talking about my exposure efforts would probably embarrass him pretty badly and derail reconciliation. Continued contact with OW will derail your reconciliation...not his embarrassment. Your WH's embarrassment over his actions is a good thing. That is his moral compass talking to him. Words are just words and mean nothing. It is your WH's ACTIONS that you need to focus on. He has just gaslighted you into thinking that he will change but in reality has done nothing but talk. You can trust only what you can personally verify despite whatever WH tells you and however convincing he may be. He is an addict and you know that he cannot resist this OW. He wants to keep both of you. Why else would he be reluctant to send a proper NC letter? Why haven't you exposed the OW yet? Kill the affair first and only then you proceed to recovery. Don't set yourself up for a false recovery and a death of a thousand cuts.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
He thinks that just unfriending all single women on facebook would give them the "idea" that he doesn't want to have any more contact with them. One of your conditions for recovery needs to be no OS friendships regardless of the marital status. It is not to punish him but to establish boundaries to protect you from future affairs. Most affairs begin with friendships with the exception of the few who are just out trolling for action on the side.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 42
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 42 |
Thank you, everyone, for all the info and help so far. BrainHurts, I will read the article you posted about risk of opposite sex friendships in marriage next. Right now, WH is planning on coming out here to WA for birth of baby. I can't say I am too excited about it because it will be awkward since I have been staying with my parents and they know all about WH's actions. WH has expressed some concern that they will "give him the business" when he arrives and I told him that I can't control how they act toward him. He is still resistant to cut off all contact with OW (they don't work together. She is in DC and he is now stationed 1000 miles away.) I had told him that he must tell her and other OW suspect #2 that he would not be contacting them any longer and that he needed to change his phone number. He is still showing too much concern for their feelings and thinks just 'unfriending' them on facebook with no explanation is good enough. I told him I would not come back until no contact is established. I think I will try to wait until after baby is born to expose OW.
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589 |
Have you read and understood much of anything about how to bust up an affair? Are you intending to just blog about what you are not doing?
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Lily, are you blogging? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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