I was feel like I should be in plan B...

Here is today's highlights.

Updated 1/10/2013:

Her
ME
You ok?
What do you mean when you ask that?
That reply is standoffish and invites an argument. Remember you don't want to argue a better reply would be I'm not feeling well coming down with a illness or something like that. Are you ok
You've been quiet lately
...are you ok?
When she ask you have been quiet lately she is gauging your feelings toward her. Silence equals not interested. A good response would of been (see above) followed by concern about your daughter. Is DD doing ok? What she doing now? Things of that nature and on the back end inquire about her sometime later in the convo.
I'm sick [/color]
It took you that long to write that
[color:#CC0000]Talk to me
Not sure what to say...
Perfect opportunity to set up a visit. You could of said something like would you like to come over and nurse me back to health, followed with a LOL. Or invite her to coffee or something. If she would decline, no sweat. Just dust yourself off and try again. If your like me, I hate texting I would rather talk face to face. Your goal is to text your way to some face time.
Ok?
I'm sick too
Why?
Why aren't you sure what to say?
What's going on?
I got to take my meds... My chest is starting to really hurt...
Her being sick is awesome you could of set up a sicnic. You go over there cook some chicken noodle soup and place a blanket outside if its warm or on the floor and watch movies and eat soup with her and DD. Don't tell her about your ailments. WAYWARDS ARE SELFISH she only cares about herself now and you telling her about your boo boos comes off wimpy. Now if she inquires be truthful.
Why?
Cause you don't want to talk to me?
Why do you think that?
(WW's name) I love talking with you, however I'm not a fan of texting want me to call or we meet up somewhere?
Cause when we try to talk then your chest starts to hurt
It's fine. If you don't wanna talk then ill talk to you later
She is guilt shaming you here, switching blame. I put $$ when she wrote that she thought "oh well I tried talking to him but he's such a grump. Not my fault."
Alrighty then...
I am ok to talk to you. I just took my medicine
(Insert apology) "I'm sorry if I am coming off grumpy, that is not my intention. How was your day?"
I tried to get you to talk
I just don't feel like bringing up my emotions about past situations because it
does no good

Your reply is a fail, no emotional talk no relationship talk
Like whT
She's happy now cause she know you will lovebust her and then she can justify her actions. This point of the conversation you have lost control and became an emotional wreck.
I just been doing my anger management exercises... And figuring out what I
really feel
NO, NO! This is you: "Hey WW look at me I'm fixing myself so you can come back" That's not what you want. Smooth and subtle. If she happens to text and inquire about your whereabouts and you happen to be in anger management tell her then. Don't broadcast it, comes off fake.
Ok? And?
I just feel hurt, betrayed, deceived, insecure
And I want to move pass these feelings
Ok I'm sorry
How do you think I felt before
The same I am sure...
Yup
I am sorry I caused you to feel that way
Some days I just don't know if this is going to work
Truthfully me either... I read all these stories about how couples survived this
but when compared to us... Things are just missing for moving on..
You read too much
I read because I am looking for hope
No ones story is our story
You look for things that aren't going to be in our story or there's things in
our story that won't be in someone else's story
If you wanted to truly get back together and move pass this what do you want
from me to do say let's reconcile?
Our story is unique somewhat that I admit
Everyone's stories is very different because each person and the way they act or
don't. Act is very different.
Some days you act fine and great and normal and some days it's like you're crazy
and that scares me
What do you mean crazy?
It's like you are acting crazy
Or something wrong
All waywards think you act crazy when you ruin their affair. Exposure, Plan A is all counterintuitive so to someone lost in the fog it makes no sense because your SUPPOSED TO BE A CRAZED MAD MAN but your not. Drives waywards wild, especially WWs because they almost always say how their husband is and or was abusive. Gives POSOM a knight in shining armor image when they aren't nothing but toads.
I can't explain it
Can you give me an example? Think of something recently?
I really can't explain it
Waywards lie and twist reality for their own justification so their memory is always altered and fractured.
One you talk to yourself under your breath
You get upset or crazy looks
You act different I really can't explain. It
I will no longer talk under my breathe. I am not sure about the crazy upset looks you are referring to? She's dropping hints about your annoying habits fix them.
Most of these things are me expressing myself... Not in a crazy way but really
in a hurt emotional way.. When I talk undery breathe it's because I don't like
sharing my thoughts if I think there is going to be a conflict.
I don't get the crazy look thing though. I do realize when I am getting angry my
face and everything tenses up
I honestly want to be with you and get out of all these bad habits that
contributed to the marriage
I am honestly for the most part just going through a range of emotions and I
would love to have you there to share with
And honestly I feel that you don't want to be with me anymore...
Now that I think of it, I feel like you really haven't forgiven me
Save this emotional stuff for us in the forum. Waywards like empathy.
Haven't forgiven you!,
???
???,
Have you?
Haven't i
I honestly don't know
And by the way I am feeling better talking to you if you wanted to know
Maybe I just need to get all this off my chest to move on
But you made her feel worse. That's what lovebusters do. If you want to get something off your chest talk to your male friends or us on the forum. Write a letter or email or just type then delete. Keep a journal.
It always makes a person feel better to get stuff off their chest
And forgiving you I think I've had to do that a lot
For example... If I am going to truly forgive you... And I truly do... I never
want to mention affairs again... I want to live like they never happen.
But it doesn't mean we shouldn't live protecting ourselves from them
When she brings up talk like that say "I am willing to work with you to create a marriage where both our needs are met". When you keep bringing up the affairs it turns into a bad convo. She will not want to talk to you.
Just like my porn addiction.
I hope you have this under control now. With professional help.
Yeah
The reality is just want to live secured and move pass this a so be a good
father and husband and restore romantic love back to our marriage and look
further down the road and say we overcome many obstacles and continued to serve
God and honor His name
I don't want some fancy video game, martial art belt, or computer. I just want a
happy victorious marriage and life
Money doesn't matter
Sex doesn't matter
I just want communication and a happy family.
I just want my wife and kids to be happy. I just want them to feel loved by me
I am scared that I will fail them in many ways but I will never give up
I just want to know that you will always be there for me

Do not educate or preach. Makes an adult feel like a child when another adult who says we are equal partners soap box like that. "I am willing to create a marriage where both our needs are met." Says all that without the soap box.
Wow!
What?
I feel much better. That's why I am having problems letting to of my parents
If your not there then I feel like I have no one
That was very mature statements you made
Huh? What about your parents?
If your not in my life I was afraid of being alone and I basically would only
have them...
But 1. You wouldn't be alone. And 2. I'm not saying I'm not going to come back
and live in the house anymore but even if I didn't I would still be in your life
always
She's on the fence, your changes are showing and she is hedging her bets. She wants an easy way back where all her affairs are swept under the rug. She wants to cake eat, your job is to fill those needs you haven't been so there won't be any need for her to cake eat.
I just wanted to share that...
Those are some of the things that been bothering me

TD,
Thank you for that. I will start dropping the feelings and relationship talk. I will work on setting up family like events.
I will bring a java chip drink since I messed that up last time.

My job requires I get up at 4 am to be there at 7am and I get home around 6pm. I work for the Federal government. I will look into getting a job closer to home.

Thank you again for the advice. I do feel like an affair is still going on because she has changed the password on her phone. I am going to do another inquiry of texts to see if she has been talking to one of those POSOMen or someone else...

Sir, PLEASE focus on Plan A.
Do NOT appear clingy or needing to her.
DO appear strong, as in John Wayne strong.....have you watched his movies?
If not watch some....The Searchers Is a good movie.
Another good movie is High Noon.

I think you are having a hard time with Plan A and you have been at this for a while.
It may be time to consider Plan B.

I need to caution you:
The only affair recovery program you should focus on is Surviving an Affair.

I thought about it, and those on the other board are just so do 180 and make her do the work. I know that would be the easier than to do but that has less results because in my WW mind it shows that I am not trying to be in the marriage and all this.

And as for you who think I can't do it. I will show you. I already have done some things. We spent time together and I haven't mention affair. As for IC and MC. Probably not good for the Marriage period at this point.

Some PLANS just need to be revised and re-thought out. I am going to focus on family things and making time. I didn't post on the other forum so they can bash it. I posted it so they can give me their feed back. There are too many groups and too many opinions about infidelity and whats the best way to deal with it.

There is no magic fix it plan and there is no guarantee that anything is going to work.

I made some mistakes along the way but I have been doing some reading and planning of my own. I am not going to file for divorce.

That group of people seem to think that pushing the already destructive spouse over the edge is going to make them wake up.

In my case, it might be an easy escape for them, but I have to show my WW she is worth fighting for and I want to be with her.

I haven't been clingy or needy. I keep conversations short. I don't speak like i am desperate. I you I feel and I communicate my feelings more clearer.

Actually, Dr Harley says that if his plan is followed it WILL be successful.
There is such a small margin of error that he is able to make this statement.

However, he warns that even small deviations from his plan for marital recovery can result in disaster.

So, if you are going to follow his plan you will need to do so wholeheartedly and not have it revised by other groups.