Remember not think with your instincts and emotion focus on the plan at hand. A fight with POSOM will get you in trouble legally. Walk through what you are going to do when you meet him. Be respectful and non-threatening. I would also have a VAR your person as back up. Dr. Harley's advice on this is spot on in the long run, I know in the short term you rather see this scumsucker's face bruised and bloody but that wouldn't help you at all though. Make sure you talke with his mother as well.

Can't I just do this?!

Your right. I will continue on.

Did you speak with his mother?
Did you confront him?

CS,
I would not be cordial to the guy. I'll share with you a story. When my wife and I first got married, we had mutual friends who were a couple. The husband was a snake with good looks, high status, and a lot of charm. He and my wife talked on the phone a couple of times without my knowledge, and he made a play for her. Seeing where this was heading, my wife came clean and told me before it developed beyond phone calls. As soon as she told me I went to his workplace and confronted him. I was anything but cordial. You should have seen the look of shock on his face when I told him with a straight and stern look, "You stay away from my wife." He denied and tried to con his way out of it, but I would have none of it.

We never saw him or his wife again.

Your post and my response from the other thread:

I am still at work. This my turn into a weekend battle. I have to stay late. This freaking commute is killing me. This is what added to my marriage falling apart. I took the job to provide and yet I got used and abused.

You can do this, Samurai. Your wife needs to see you stand up and do it in a measured, mature way.

I read about your anger issues.... Make sure to be calm but firm when you tell the other man to stay away from your wife.

After relistening to the clips, did you hear the correct purpose Dr. Harley says to confront the OM?

I think the problem that so many betrayed spouses have is they don't approach this as a war. You fight three battles: 1) the battle to blow up the affair to smithereens, 2) the battle to show the wayward that you are their best alternative (making love bank deposits and avoiding love busters) and 3) the battle to protect yourself and your children legally (property and custody).

Wars that are fought passively and without assertiveness are lost. Wars that are fought thoughtfully with militant tactics are won. You have to go all in and you have to have a singular purpose. That is why the Art of War is referenced here by so many.

CS, I see improvements in your approach...finally! But be assertive and waste time no more. As I shared with you yesterday, when I was confronted with a threat to my marriage I did not waste a second. I went straight to the OM's work and surprised him. At his workplace! Can you imagine how blindsided he must have felt? That is a bomb that hits its target. Don't delay. Be assertive and show your Wayward wife that she is worth fighting for. And fight for what is yours, including your self-respect.

Got it, friend?

Thank you and I will. I have not had the chance this weekend. I was with my daughter and WW this weekend making love deposits.

Your right. I didn't see this as a war, because to be honest, so much was going on upstairs.

1. I wasn't sure if my WW was worth fighting for. Truthfully, she is not, but the woman I fell in love with before this creature showed up is.
2. I am myself and struggling with emotions for another woman, because she has made love bank deposits in my account. It all started because of my WW's dday #1. She open a door and left me feeling voided of respect and love. Guess, what, Co-Worker has been feeling that void, un-intentionally but then it happen. She asked me what's going on between me and wife because I said they don't live with me and I spilled the beans. I don't know if I am just feeding off of her is there something I am truly feeling. I know that is going to disappoint a lot of you because I am trying to fight for my marriage but I am just being honest and trying to do what is right. I have not and will not confess these feelings about the other woman to my wife or to the other woman because both it would be a huge love buster and not to mention put my marriage in a big jeopardy more than it already is.
3. Because of these things, I have actually thought about sabotaging my marriage and escaping from her, but I am not going to do that. I am just sharing this because you need to know what I am going through emotionally to get me back on track.

As for this WAR.
Thursday, which I work from home, I will be going to OM#2's house and blowing up his battleship about the short term affair and telling him not to contact her anymore.

I need to work on avoiding love busters, such as joking. My wife is annoyed by that. I have to work on making stronger/bigger love deposits. Another thing, I notice, she seems to be threaten by the Co-Worker since I admitted somethings about her. I don't mention her anymore. I did tell her i already got her a gift and I made plans for her on Saturday to go out for V-day.

Did SHE leave you feeling void of respect and love? Or were you perhaps relying on a human for your own feelings (rather than relying on God)? You mentioned in your very first post about bible study. What does the bible say about where we are supposed to go to have our voids filled?

Have you READ about how affairs begin? How do affairs begin?

Thank you for being honest. That way we can all hit you over the head with 2x4s and (hopefully) help you to STOP right in your tracks from making this awful situation even worse. We've ALL felt that void. We've ALL thought of going out and having a RA. In other words, we've ALL thought of diving head first into sinful behavior and becoming just as SELFISH as our spouse has. Because we do know that it is selfish evil behavior, and somehow we dream of topping their selfishness, right? Is that the proper mindset to have when we are asking God to help us to repair our marriage?

GOOD to not jeopardizing things any more. As for not telling your wife, well I'll let the long time vets address that (and I'll be anxious to see what they think about your working with this woman).

Good job!

How long have you had feelings for the co-worker?

CS,
Glad that you understand that you need to be 100% focused on Plan A. Remember that feelings follow actions. As you take action to win back your wife and recover your marriage, your feelings for her and hers for you will return.

Put aside the other lady and end contact for life. You are married and so any relationship you develop with her would constitute infidelity.

Also good that you recognize the problem with joking. While its great to be funny, going overboard in a way that your wife would regard as immature would be a big love buster.

Having followed this thread I see both of you as immature at this point, but this situation offers you a chance to grow up. That is the great thing about MB. Those who follow it grow and become a better person.

They started to blossom after DDay. I didn't think much of it until maybe a couple weeks ago when I opened up about my personal life and she opened up about hers. We communicated about work, and shared a little about relationships and how she is not looking for one. I took that as a sign that she didn't wasn't interested in me.

I read how affairs begin and at one point I didn't think much of her. I already written her off as threat because I realized I thought she was pretty, but then she started praising me, which I started getting suckered into, and then , she gave me her Skype contact and then I was able to communicate with her, in secret...

Yea, I think I joke, as a wait to bring laughter to our relationship because she is always uptight and serious and she finds stupid things to be funny. I want to stop joking period. We got married young.

Today, she love busters me and I am not sure how to combat the love busters besides telling her how it makes me feel.

Good example, she said "I want to play guitar"
I said "We can take a class together and learn to play."
She said, "Music is just not one of your talents dear."

I would reply, thanks for your honest opinion but I think music is a talent that is learned and I would like to take the class in order to get better, would you like to join? Or just ignore it all together and say thanks for being honest and change the subject.

Instead, I asked her, so what are my talents? She just randomly listed off some mediocre things...ehhh. I didn't let it deter me though.

Good, one thing about waywards they are masters of starting arguments and trapping you into making lovebusters. By not taking the bait your showed her how you changed. By avoiding the lovebusting behavior of your past you deprived the wayward of the only thing they use against you while in an affair, a twisted sense of "justification". That's why Dr. Harley says that eliminating lovebusters should be the first thing done in Plan A. We call it here on the forum "cleaning up your side of the street".

Your doing well but could you list your plan of confronting POSOM and his mother?