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@MelodyLane - thanks. Re the OC not knowing my husband, one does, he is actually her godfather.... Which is something that should change. That is not in your best interest, her best interest, ANYONE'S best interest. Especially your own children!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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PS - when is the right time to tell my kids though? They are 10 and 6 currently. I saw on one thread that it is very important to tell the children. Its not important at all. That is a question I would save for Dr Harley. The most important thing is that your husband stay away from these people. Your marriage and these other marriages cannot ever recover unless he stays away. Again, the most important thing is the health of the marriages. That is not going to happen with some OM hanging around reminding everyone of the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Your husband needs to leave these people alone. If he cares at all about these kids, he will do that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2011
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PS: We followed a biblical process for the restoration of our marriage, which is very similar (if not the same) to the principles taught by Dr Harley. We went through a process of telling each other EVERYTHING we had ever done, from our past to the present and of being honest about everything forthwith. One of the principles, which is the last and possibly most painful, is called Restitution, where my husband will need to meet with/communicate with the women involved(in my presence) and firstly apologise (yeah, you read right) for involving himself with them knowing that he was married etc. We havent gotten to this stage, I must admit its the one that makes me the most nervous. That is literally insane. While he did them no favours, they were co-conspirators. He also vowed to cleave to you to the exclusion of all others! Perpetrating a further attack on you, in their interests is monstrous. If anything he owes the BH's an apology but that would just be insult to injury. The best apology he can make them is to leave them and their wives severely alone.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Last edited by ItCanGetBetter; 02/27/14 08:48 AM.
Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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"Situations where the father won't leave the OC usually end in divorce."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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