My sister in law didnt think Dr. Harley's plan was a good idea either when I exposed...but then again she's not a national expert!

This is worthless. You need to contact them YOURSELF. Hoping that someone who doesn't give a CRAP about your marriage passes it on, IS NOT EXPOSURE. AND HOPE IS NOT A PLAN!!


Talk is cheap! You need to back this up with action, my friend. Go pay him a visit. But more importantly, it is imperative that you expose the affair properly and stop cutting corners. It takes a proactive, serious approach to bust up an affair.

Make sure you expose OM on www.cheaterville.com also.

Have you did a background check on POSOM? That gave me alot of contacts for my exposure. Where does he work? Be inventive seems like your following plan "hope" and not plan "MB". Hope is bolster when used in conjuction with a Plan MB.

Finding the OM is easy. You mentioned your wife meets with him. So put a gps tracker in her car and follow her! How does anyone let their spouse just leave to be with another person and doesn't lift a finger to intervene. SMH. By the way, the message your fogged out wayward wife gets is my husband doesn't care enough or isn't manly enough to do something about it.

GPS not practical she walks to meet him and apart from other night usually out before I finish work. She's away in hotel for her work this weekend and I'm sure he will meet her. Any ideas?

Confront them at the hotel, or hire a PI to watch them.
Try to get pictures so you can post them on www.cheaterville.com and email to family and friends.

When you do, have a VAR, camera and a friend who will insure you don't bash POSOM face in.

Oh and put a voice activated recorder in her car; she probably talks on the phone with him in her car

Most smartphones will function as a GPS, so if she carries a smartphone, you can use that.

Looking now for tracking stuff but law here not helpful if I don't want her to find out

Ok just got home from work. Wife been on the wine as shes mad as hell that I exposed to family and friends on both sides. Here are some of what she said.
How dare you! My family have been messaging me support asking why has your husband done this. Your family have left [censored] comments.Its not a secret. We were over due to 4 years of [censored] you've given me the OM is not a symptom. I've tried to be nice. I'm selling the house how much do you want (There's no money in it even if I were after money)!I want you out by the weekend or I'm seeing lawyer next week to get you out. I'm going to file for divorce. I'm going to bed.

Looking back at her rant. I stayed calm said I'm sorry you feel that way. I was expecting it I was numb, I still am. Her Mother is away until next week so she will not do anything without her advice. Her Mother was one of the first people I told and she told me not to make it easy for wife! I expected the backlash as I read up on it. I guess I'm a little lost now

The greater the bluster is, the more effective the exposure was. It sounds like you did good. Keep your cool, and let the light of day do its job.

Not so easy to keep cool starting to doubt myself. Managed to read her texts/mails going back a while. She was having EA with OM shortly after her decision to separate. It took another month for PA to happen. Seen messages from a lot of friends and family who back her regardless of what I sent. Still you can't unring a bell. Looking through stuff she lost respect for me a long time ago. Whatever happens this site is a great support. I'm still going to hold my head up and stand by what I've done. Maybe I'm seeing her true colours

I'm posting this as a reminder to you. Your wife is in the fog and she is going to say things taht make you doubt your actions. Don't doubt them and don't fall for her claims that the marriage was already over. It was not over since the two of you were and are still married. She is an adulterer no matter what rationalizations she comees up with--and all waywards rationalize.

Now that you have exposed its time to find the POSOM and make him an offer he can't refuse.

Good job keeping your cool. Be patient and kind to her. Angry outbursts or disrepectful judgments will just make her feel justified and will surely drive her away.

In the cold light of day I am conflicted. It seems its coming at me from all sides. I know lots of bluster shows effect. but I know a lot of the bluster she had time to plan ahead of my coming home. I know she is stubborn enough to force me out and divorce. I'm looking down the line at those options. Divorce would be easy selling the house clears mortgage with nothing left and our possessions mean nothing if they,re just mine. Do I go before she turns it ugly to keep the peace and LB deposits. I have told her before fining MB if I were ever to go there would be no contact.

I wonder if its too little too late, I know deep down her love for me has gone and we have been 'housemates with occasional benefits' well over a year. She nearly has me convinced she is doing no wrong. Has exposure blown up in my face as she already has a lot of support, all I'm creating is feuding families.

I do feel good I have done something to address the situation rather than ignore it although I struggle with the verbal conflict. She argues better than me, I stay calm and in keeping calm keep silent.
I try to reaffirm to her I am doing this because I will not tolerate the affair, that she is looking for attention in the wrong places and if our break is to be clean it has to be clean with no distraction of OM. If I do succeed in driving him off will she resent me for it.
Right now I want to text her to see if she how she is. I'm feeling an irrational guilt. Knowing that I keep my hands off the phone.
I'm venting here to try to find some clarity.
Its her birthday tomorrow , I already have her a gift and will add flowers. Its a horrible situation but I still love her.

If i'm going down its going to be with love and not hate.
Confused? Yes I am!

when you exposed, did you let her relatives know that you love them and ask them to please use their influence to save your marriage? That is the objective, and it comes across as nonjudgmental and as simply reaching out for help.

If they are angry at you for exposing, they are wrong. Exposing the truth in an effort to save your marriage is a noble thing, not a bad thing. Nothing your wife can say changes that.

If she asks for divorce then you can do nothing about that. As I said earlier, I would not stay in the house if she chooses to keep in contact with her affair partner. It is too hard to do an affective Plan A and avoid anger and judgment if she is carrying out the affair under your nose.

Profess to her your love, share with her your plan for not just saving your marriage, but building it up to one that is romantic and passionate. Ask her to end her affair, and if she doesn't leave the home. Then, from a distance, do a Plan A that shows you lover her.

Finally, don't argue with her about her affair or the relationship. This will get you nowhere and arguing will equate to LB withdrawals.

I exposed using template from here and any contact I have had has always been backed up with my intention of healing not harming. I have and always will show love and respect for her relatives. I just have to ride it out! Looking at options for Plan A at a distance and ignoring any angry input from relatives on both sides.

Also there is some good stuff in the Plan B template letters. Is it an idea to use some of this if I were to move out without committing to no contact. Eg. I love you but cant live with you carrying on affair under my nose?

I would not plan A from a distance.
If you move out of the home, it should be immediate Plan B.

EDIT: If you Plan A from a "distance", all you will be doing is allowing her to "cake eat." She will be having you meet some emotional needs, and OM meet others.

Dr. Harley typically recommends Plan A for up to six months. However, your wife is actually getting dressed for dates in front of you and I think that Harley would advise Plan B to protect your emotional health and to "freeze" the Love Bank account.

You cannot work on your marriage while her affair is ongoing.

I suggest you prepare for Plan B.