Does anyone have a link to MelodyLane's thread on cutting corners? I've been looking for this and haven't found it!

Much happiness wished for you and your family.

Stay vigilant about following the MB guidelines and about your wife's activities.

Does she attend a mosque or is she practicing her new chosen faith privately and alone?

Is this the one?
Cutting Corners and the Marriage Builders Plan

Justthe3ofus,

I'm so happy for you.

How are you going to handle the trigger of her religion?

Thank you Tranquil, Reading, and Brain.

Both of us are following the program, and we are overjoyed to have found lost love. I have learned that it is sweeter to reclaim something precious that was lost than to discover something new. We both appreciate each other more now that we have been apart for so long, and we don't plan on letting history repeat itself. Avoiding LB's and meeting each other's needs are a lifestyle from now on.

Reading, she prays at Mosque on Fridays, and she also prays privately in the house. She attends Mass with the girls and me. She doesn't take communion, of course, but she comes to be with the family in our time of worship.

Brain, the triggers from her religion are there, but they are less frequent. There are times when they spike, and I have to get better at not lashing out and not saying something about Islam that might be deemed disrespectful. I have always had a respect for the other major faiths (Judaism, Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism), but at the same time as a Christian, I believe that Jesus is the way and the light, so I will never completely reconcile my wife--a lifelong Catholic--leaving the faith. Truly respecting her beliefs will be a process I have to go through. By the way, she is a very prayerful person. She loves the Muslim precept of praying 5 times a day. She told me when she came back that it was through prayer that God directed back to me and her children.

That's just awesome! Made this old marine tear up a bit hopefully I can use that line and my WW as well soon.
I have learned that it is sweeter to reclaim something precious that was lost than to discover something new.

Tranquil, I hope you and your WW happily reconcile soon. All the best to you.

Is this you?

Radio Clip

I AM SO GLAD I FOUND THIS STORY. I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR AND I FEEL VERY ENCOURAGE READING THIS. I CAN'T BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW GOOD THIS MAKES ME FEEL TO KNOW THAT YOUR WIFE AND YOU ARE BACK IN LOVE. I HOPE THE SAME CAN BE SAME FOR US.

Sorry for all caps but I am overwhelmed with Joy.

CS,

I'm glad my story was helpful. It's been a year since my wife and I began recovery, and our marriage (We re-married in March of this year) has never been better. We are deeply in love with each other and cannot imagine life apart. Recently she texted me this:

"Last year around this time [before we started speaking to each other again] my sister asked me who I see with me on my deathbed. I said, "Justthe3ofus and the kids." That's when I realized I still loved you. I wanted to get you back before I lost you forever. I'm very sorry for everything."

Our recovery has been great. We experienced the stage of conflict that couples have to get through in order to go from withdrawal to intimacy. The conflict was difficult, but we worked through it. They say it takes two years to fully recover. Though I still have some resentment, it is a sliver of how I felt before she came back. That is because when my wife returned she delivered on just compensation, which I insisted on. She met all of the conditions I required (extraordinary precautions), and she came on board with the Marriage Builders program. She follows the concepts of POJA, radical honesty, and 15 hours of undivided attention. She has recommended Dr. Harley's books to friends, and has sent them copies.

I will never forget the deep emotional toll this took on us, and my heart goes out to you and others who come here for help.

Melody Lane wrote something that I never forgot, and that I shared with my wife when she left me:

"Falling out of love is problem to solve, not an excuse to have an affair and give up on your marriage."

Though I did not spend too much time trying to educate my wife (because that doesn't work for someone in the fog), I did hold her accountable with those words, and they helped build a paradigm in my mind for how couples should persevere to rekindle the flames of love and passion that they once shared at the start.

This program works if couples are willing to get past their feelings and follow it. As we say here, feelings follow action. If you do the things that build love (no love busters, and meet your spouses emotional needs)while in Plan A you will have a chance to recover your marriage because your actions will create a change in you that may also create a change of heart in your wayward wife. In Plan A this means you must discipline your mind to follow the plan and not let your natural reactions and emotions steer you off course. Put on blinders and make the love deposits and avoid the love busters. But don't forget the stick of Plan A. That means expose, don't validate the affair, and don't apologize for keeping firm boundaries that protect your safety. And always remember that the first step to recovery is killing the affair. It must be dead as a doornail before any next steps can be effective.

At first one person has to take the lead. When you are the betrayed spouse, remember that Plan A means you are throwing pebbles and rocks in a rushing river with the hope of building a bridge to cross over the other side. At first the exercise seems futile. But if you keep throwing in the rocks over time the bridge will emerge from the river and you be able to cross and reconnect with your spouse.

As we say, Plan A with no expectation. It doesn't always take the wayward spouse out of the fog. I didn't think it would work for me. I thought my wife was gone forever. I didn't think the aliens would give her back her mind. But you just never know.

Even if it fails, you know you have done your best to save your marriage and to become a better husband in the future. The beautiful thing about those who follow Dr. Harley's principles is that they become better people and better spouses.

Good luck and God bless!

Thats wonderful!
Your last paragraph hits home for me.
I did Plan A and followed the SAA guidelines and advice from the wonderful people on the forum.
In the end I lost my marriage BUT I can honestly tell anyone "I did the best job I could to save my marriage".......and that's a good feeling

Wow, Just - thank you for sharing your story. I'm so happy for you two and your family that your recovery has been so good and so complete.

Best wishes for a lifetime of love together!

As always, thanks for the update.

Love hearing MB success stories.

Was that latest clip I posted, on your thread, yours?

Hi BH,

Sorry I missed your post on 12/4. I just discovered it this evening. I was surprised to see my thread had re-emerged from the heap. Yes, that clip was about my wife and me. I wrote Dr. Harley to ask him a question about an issue that came up in the forums regarding exposure. I wanted to make sure I was giving the right advice so I wrote in. I prefaced my question with an update on our marriage, and did not know that that part of my letter made it on the show. Thanks for dropping the link. You are the master cataloger! What a memory you have!

Jedi and Marcos,
Thank you for your replies. It's been a long road, and now I take very seriously the "paying it forward role." That's why I post here. I'm sure its the same for the rest of us.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

Impossible to more then everything that can be done.

Have you legally remarried?

Yes, we legally re-married last March.
In the Church it was a renewal of vows.

Triggers. My wife and are over 1 year into recovery and things are going very well. But there are triggers along the way and some that will never go away. The disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight 370 has re-surfaced the ugly past. My wife flew that airline on her trips to Malaysia where her affair parnter lives. Her affair partner had a connection to the Malaysian Prime Minister, serving in some advisory capacity, and we have seen his face on television frequently this week. My wife met the Prime Minister on one of her trips over there. All of the news coverage brings back a lot of memories. She is reliving her experiences, and I am too.

We are both doing fine, and none of this has been a set back. It's just not fun. My heart does go out to the poor people who were passengers and crew on the plane and their relatives who are in an awful state of suspended grief.

I think you need to turn off the news ...

Yea, turn off the Maylasia news and change to the Russian/ ukraine news.

Ha ha, turn off the tv and go for a walk outside instead.

It'll pass, 3. Glad to hear that you guys are doing well.