Documentation is always good, especially if it heads to divorce proceedings.

Off guard here. Wife just messaged to meet in a couple of hours to talk! Good thing yes but she's calm. Like a viper ready to strike. Time to see her plan. She had friends round last night and I caught the mood of their conversation was if I don't like it I know where the door is. I know I have to dig in for plan A but she's persuasive and I don't want to capitulate for risking a love bust

Sir, I predict she will say "lets be amicable. our m arriage isnt working for xyz reasons and its both our faults...." (she will use 50,000 words and lots of emotions to say this sentence).

You should respond: "I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage where both of our needs are met, but you must first end your affair."

If needed, repeat the sentence 10,000 times.
No angry outbursts, no disrespectful judgements.
If it becomes too much, simply offer her a glass of water or ask if she wants to go have a cup of coffee.

Pretty much what I was thinking. A charm offensive. Still feel nervous as hell!

Her doing the charm offensive

Well the angry outburst came from her getting up from lunch and storming off. I kept one track on ' I want us to work on loving marriage as long as you end the affair' . Response were I don't want to be married can't you see the marriage is over. I'm with OM now. If I do what are you offering (my response, the chance to work on a loving marriage). I thought you accepted the marriage was over. You had to humiliate me to get what you want. Always about you getting your way.

Basically she started of trying to remain friends and say marriage is over because of things that happened before A. Even if A had not happened we would still be over and wouldn't be willing to work on things. Painted me as the person blaming the reason for the marriage breakdown is the A not that it was in trouble before.
Yes it was in trouble before but no chance to try and rectify it when A happened.
I did at the very start of our current problems agree with her the marriage was probably over because at least living together I would have a shot at revival.
She is adamant marriage is over even if she considered ending the affair ( but she did say she is 'with' OM now). Before leaving she even said she doesn't want to be friends. I was calm didn't LB but was maybe devoid of emotion.
Honestly if she did end affair I'm not sure she wants the marriage. She kept looking at friendship if the A ends. Even suggesting that I wouldn't let her move on if there was someone else in future. But she's right I want what I want and that is for us to work on our marriage. She doesn't regardless of A, she wants to sell up and separate. I know when I get home she will be out or not speaking. She is still hurt by me from exposure also.

Did you ever email Dr. Harley?

Let me thin out last post. I stuck to guns said I want us to work on marriage if you end A. No compromise nothing to be talked about until then. If marriage is over we can talk about it when A over. She says marriage over anyway nothing to do with A.
May have to go B as she's not giving me a chance to show I care.

Brainhurts I got my mail on radio. Stick with A as much as I can than go to B if I have to

When did Dr. Harley read it?

So how are you feeling emotional and mentally? Dr. Harley recommends 6 months to 2 years of Plan A for men, because they can usually handle it better than women.

How long have you been in Plan A?

Question if women shouldn't do plan A for longer than 3 months ( I think thi is what has been said) does that mean men have more chance of saving their marriage because they can plan A for longer?

Dr. Harley says women shouldn't plan A longer than 3 weeks, due to health and immune issues to women. We've seen women experience PTSD from remaining in Plan A longer than 3 weeks.

Dr. Harley doesn't advise a woman to "chase after her WH" usually BH's can win their WW's back. If a WH doesn't usually see the error of his ways and "return on bended knee, hat in hand" then Dr. Harley usually advises a BW to go into Plan B and seek legal help.

Have you read SAA, yet?

The story about Sue and Jon where Sue was the WW is a prime example. She didn't even feel remorse while her and Jon were first trying recovery.

Do you have the book SAA?

Weds end of show. Plan A? Been trying to meet her needs for about 2 months now. Done a poor job of exposure only starting with a trickle letting her get her 'we are over and separated' in before a full exposure in the last week. But the cats amongst the pigeons. I'm the bad guy for airing the laundry(should of been clean in the first place)! She's separating issues. Marriage breakdown one thing. Affair another. But can't work on first without discussing latter.
Tomorrow I'm certain she will have her time away with him. Right now my gut says dont be here when she comes back. Was earlier meeting part of her charm offensive or because she still cares? Both I think.
The current battle is backing her in to a corner. She knows I still love her but if I go now she will only have these bitter memories.
Adrenalin pumping now so I'm letting off now before she comes home.
But then divorce doesnt happen over night so could have time to show her 'if' she's willing to see

Hi, I am reading SAA at the moment. So it sounds to me that the approach for men and women are quite different. Does anyone know if this affects the chances of success?

So did you finally do a full blown exposure?

Dr. Harley told you to remain in Plan A? So what can you do to get a rock solid Plan A in place? Do you need help with ideas? Are you mentally strong to do this?

Yes it is different for a BW compared to a BH.

Have you read the Jon and Sue story yet? Did you read the WH and BE story?

I can find fantastic success stories from both sides.

I am in similar situation to you, other than I asked her to leave on Wednesday (she left) after she kept lying to me. I agree plan A is incredibly hard to keep going. In 3 months it has severely depleted my love bank for her. I feel like I have bee used as a punchbag to justify her affair in her mind and she alo completely trivialises th affair. Very difficult to deal with. Thi is why plan b seems attractive because suddenly she would not see me and therefore the trigger to blame me would not be there

abccba, you should be asking this question on your own thread. It shouldn't be asked on somebody else's help thread.

Taking a breath from round 2, she has 6 years of resentment built up that she can't let go of. She sees me as only trying as I am trying to win her back. Would expect me to revert back to type 6 weeks later. Thinks I'm holding empty promises

I suppose this is what plan A is about displaying changes in you for long enough that she starts to believe you have actually changed permanently.