If needed, I am willing to act as an internet IM for you.

If you insist on using your brother as an IM, you should have him come here for guidance and education on being an IM.
Again, relatives usually dont make good IM because they are emotionally invested and care about you.

The first step in this is visiting an attorney.

Often in Plan B the cheating spouse will try to use relatives to pass on messages.
It is important that they understand that you do not want to hear her name mentioned, until the affair ends and she agrees to recovery and contacts your IM.
If they disrespect you by talking about her or arguing then cut off contact with them.

Exactly that's the spirit.



20, she's a long standing serial OW, she doesn't feel good about anything involving commitment. It's a young marriage, no kids and she's a serial cheater. He's made the decision to bail on this and who could blame him?





This is a really good offer because Jedi would be very neutral and he understands MB. I used a lady MBer to IM for me and it was a very successful move for me.



I would allow them to contact you once with questions etc, ask about your evidence, then I would change your contact details and go dark.

No. Not a bit. He has every right too! This is a tough one as they both have committed adultery. (or at least he was a OM at one point..wasn't clear if he was married at the time). Regardless, both sides would require huge changes in themselves for their M to be successful.

My only point was to help IF he really is attempting to reconcile their M.

Up in air with emotion and confusion. Deep down I want it to work. Got to stop just reacting that's why I need to leave. Didn't do it Sunday must do it tomorrow. Have friends who may IM who understand the risk and glitz of an Affair. My main concern is PBL at moment it's a handwritten letter?

Jedi I appreciate the offer may have to hold you to it friends not confirmed yet.

Just copy the letter from the book or from this thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2558482#Post2558482

Then you have the letter delivered to her. DO NOT hand her the letter. You want the last impression/ memory to be of a loving husband.
Also send a copy of the letter to OM

I used this sample to write my letter. It is the delivery message I was more unsure of. I plan to be out before she returns from work tomorrow and I'm sure she will notice I'm gone. As I have nobody to hand it to her I was going to leave it in a prominent position and also email a copy. Written or printed for physical letter?

Written physical letter, you can have the mailman deliver it or leave it on the table.
Send a copy to OM by mail.
Since one of OM works in your company, I would also send a copy to the company President and ask the President to ensure that you have no contact with OM because he is having an affair with your wife.

Come in tonight to a wife more relaxed wanting to talk. So I let her talk. I avoided talking about the relationship as its late also she hasn't changed her stance. She tells me I have to accept its over. She's still willing to let me take my time saving up and moving out. No offer of money this time as house valuation came in under expected apparently. No offer to end the A either. Nothing's changed. Except maybe me.

Just to clarify when I was OM I was single and it was just before I got together with wife. Maybe that's what made me attractive!

That's the easy part done stuff moved out. Now to go back for that last look around an move my head out

I'll just bet she is. With you in the house being walked over the A is exciting and they are lovers risking everything - them two against the world. Once you're gone she'll just be another wash-up with a lousy cheater boyfriend.


A WW not wishing to hand out money when it comes down to brass tacks. What a shocker.

Let a lawyer figure out the money.



Unfortunately I think this is so. I think you were the ideal fall guy. The ideal, adulterous, candidate for your wife's needs.

I think she was got very addicted to OM as his single mistress and never really let go of the sick high that comes with making yourself feel good by betraying people. However married men get tired of their single mistresses very easily. To the addicted OW, this requires a solution.

It's quite common for a single OW to go find herself a man so that she her lover are on more equal ground. The new husband makes her lover jealous and the new dimension of betrayal adds a bit of spice.

She hired you as a third wheel, and the fact that you yourself were an adulterer a) justified it to her and b) made her feel you'd accept it.

This is why we need you to clean this off your record and make amends. You are not going to attract very honourable women until you yourself are honourable.

The honour was the intention of marriage. We both got found out. I've set my terms, now to see if she will meet them and what I will do if she does!

?

I'm sure you intended to honour your vows to her. You did, after all. But I was talking about the unmade amends to the BH's. It isn't honourable to just let that slide. It also makes her feel justified. She thinks you don't have a moral leg to stand on.




?

I have no idea what you are talking about. Are you saying your wife caught you out on the truth of your past? You never told her voluntarily?

At what point are you going to come clean to the BH's from your affairs? I assume they are still being punished by the fall out of the affairs in their marraiges?

What would you do if they decided to expose you as an OM? when you hide from the truth it has a habit of coming to find you.

No idea where the BH of the past are and it's taken this to see the wrong I have done to them. The affairs were short lived and as far as I'm aware I have no impact now. The wife and I knew each other at the time and she knows of these actions. Our previous relationships did not make the choice for us to marry. As I have said she was an OW before. We both have made mistakes in the past and continue to make them. It is whether we are willing to learn from them and are truly repentant that will shape our future

I never thought about being the OM before it affected me. Makes you realise how selfish betrayal can be

Yeah. That's how the OM feel about you. You aren't on their radar which is why we've told you to yell so loud.

I also guarantee you your wife thinks it is pretty rich that you have this in your past yet are criticising her. She'd be an unusual wayward if she didn't use your past faults against you to justify her own.

It scotches her argument if you've dealt with it, done all you can and are remorseful. Self-exposure also protects you from being exposed by others. Take ownership of the skeleton in the closet and control it.

Are you interested in making amends? I wouldn't suggest you contact them personally (that's a bit horrible for a BS) but there are things you can do.

How do you box original posts to reply to?

In past wife was OW as well as I OM. Not justifying it but I think she has forgotten it. She has enough faults to use already. Its always be out there wife was a friend at the time of me being an OM. She was there when I was dumped by the WW. At the time of being 'dumped' it didnt bother me. But after I would stay away knowing no good would come of it. Its not something I'm proud of now.
I came here looking for help to find answers to a problem I did not know how to fix. I knew there is no simple remedy. I knew there were questions I hadnt even thought of and answers I didnt want to hear. I dont know what I will do when my phone starts ringing. I dont know what I will do if it does not. What I do know is I'm away from my home in a space where I can try and sort things out.
The thread you posted about WWs opened another line of thought and my eyes.
How would one make amends?