Have you actually CHECKED to see if he is having an affair? Everything you write indicates he is having an affair and has a new point of comparison. Someone is treating him like a king, which only caused him to become disgusted by you. He is trying to ease himself carefully and gradually out of this marriage.

Why do you think that is?

1- This has happened gradually, and I can see how it happened. I have emptied out his love bank to the point that it is in the red. His texts are all to his good friend (a guy), and that guy is the one he chooses to talk to because he's going through something similar.

2- The affair thing is big on here because a lot of people do have them, and I'm not in denial, I know how this happened. Nothing was sudden. He has gradually lost himself, his heart, everything he cared about. Like I said, he's having an affair with work, an emotional attachment even.

Many times, someone who is cheating will disguise names and #s on their phone. And if he was having an affair at work, you would never know it. You really must find out for sure instead of assuming. You don't even know where he lives.


The reason so many people suspect affairs is because we are almost always right. WE have experience at seeing the signs and you don't. We have better detectors than the person who is actually involved. It is very hard for the person in the situation to be objective. Many people show up on the MB101 forum who are completely clueless that their spouse is really having an affair. All the signs are flashing red in your situation.

I understand that he has fallen out of love because of your lovebusters. But men don't typically leave unless they have another woman lined up. I don't believe for a minute that your husband is spending the nights here and there. He is probably shacked up with a woman.

If he is having an affair, which is very likely, then your marriage is slipping farther and farther away due to your inaction. And NONE of your attempts at making lovebank deposits will make a difference. It will all be a waste of time.

You need to have your husband followed and find out what he is doing.

I agree. Can you afford a PI? You need to rule out an affair.

We lived in a car for a year, I have no doubt that he would live in a car or in his boss/friend's house. He has never had a problem sleeping on floors or in a car, I know that sounds strange to most people, but that was just who we were- sometimes it was fun, other times it wasn't, but we did it a lot.

We would constantly leave places we were living to go travel in the car, or sleep someplace else (usually alternating between my parent's house and his parent's house).

Considering we have been living in my parent's basement, and they act like they hate him, I don't see why he would STAY here. He had no place of refuge. He was originally starting to work more to get us out of this situation, because it's abusive.

I know it's hard to understand our situation, because most of you have houses or apartments. We don't. The office floor is a more welcoming environment than the house I live in, and I would even live there if I didn't have a daughter.

As far as numbers on his phone, he never had a problem letting me go through it, and I knew everyone on there. He has never hidden anything, other than his emotions, which he hid because I made him afraid to show them.

So you aren't going to rule out an affair?

Did you check his online phone records?

His phone is fine- the usual people.

I just found out that it's pretty much my severe depression that pushed him out.. it was too hard to deal with.

I just don't know what I can do to win him back- mainly, to show him the love that he deserves to feel. To show him the respect he deserves. If there is no contact, I don't see how I can fill his love bank.

What about writing Dr. Harley?

thank you

He told me today he has been cheating on me since before he left.

She found out he is married, and they fight about it, from what he says.

He is still seeing her.. i'm 5 hours away right now at his family's house, but when i get back he wants to meet and 'talk'.

He is exposed to certain family members (confusing family situation, where not everybody gets along necessarily), but I'm sure everyone will find out soon.

I don't know if she knows we have a child. I plan on finding out her # tomorrow and letting her know that I am FOR healing in my marriage for my husband, myself, and our beautiful daughter.

I'm sorry for your pain.

Please read these.
Surviving an Affair-Start Here First

You need to expose this affair.

Please read the links I've posted it, especially the Exposure thread.

Tell us who is on your exposure list.

Is she a co-worker?
Is she married?

Am I correct in understanding he is aware that you have posted here and has read your thread?

She ended the relationship with him when she found out he was married. She wants nothing to do with him or his lies. She said he is chasing her, calling her, saying he will get divorced, and he will marry her. She doesn't want that.

I had exposed it to some of his family (brothers, mother, sister).

I texted him with a plan A statement (I'm willing to work with you to create a marriage where both our needs are met. However, you must end your affair.").

He said he told me he's finished. and then he said that he is talking to a lawyer.

I don't think he reads it anymore.

I have always thought this was an affair and told you so early on. Have you spoken to the OW?

yes, and you were right. I'm sorry for not believing.

Yes, I spoke to her.

The things he said about me - true, but blown way out of proportion, even so much as to say that I'm an awful mother (I'm a stay at home mom)

So, what do you suggest I do?

He has been in an affair and out of your home since early February, and you have tried a kind of Plan A without knowing about the affair. Since this discovery, and the details about her dumping him, has he expressed any interest in going back home? Is he willing to try and repair the marriage?

What have the arrangements been for support so far? Does he pay the rent or mortgage and support you and your daughter?

Where is he living, BTW?