You could call up hiding your phone number and wait for a man to answer, then ask if it is her dad or significant other. How do you know it's her dad?

Is it a small town? Nearby?

What about landlines? Have you tried looking up landline #s with her fathers name in that location? You could call them and say you are trying to reach "Joe Smith who has a 25 year old daughter."

That's a really good idea. That's how reporters find people.

good idea, thanks.

okay. exposed

Please. Give us the details and don't just write 2 word posts.

You have one of our best posters here helping you, even after you dismissed her posts to you telling you there was an affair here.

And you continue to post as if you are not taking her seriously.

Not sure if that's your intent, but I am here to tell you, friend, if you don't knock it off, she's not going to help you anymore and that's a BAD MOVE if you want to save your M.

Good luck

sorry, no it's not my intent. i have a daughter to watch, so i am running to the computer when i get a chance, i don't have any help for even 5 minutes.

i found her father through fb, sent the letter. sent the letter elsewhere. saw that they were read (some people responded, others did not). A lot of people are on the side of ending it.

H feels like his friends and family turned against him, mainly his best friend, b/c they told him that he should tell me about it as i'm away b/c i have family and friends here, when at home i have nobody but my abusive family. So, it seems he feels he lost his best friend's trust, and he's mad at me.
Anyway, one sister in law keeps telling me that none of this is my fault, that he's acting angry at me b/c he's either mad at himself or mad at me for exposing him (depending on if he was really wanting reconciliation or not).

there are a LOT of people in support of the marriage, and ending the A.

I'm not sure how i can do plan b when i go home, b/c i don't have an IM (is that the right abbrev?).

You sent the letter WHERE? What was the fathers response? What is the daughters name? Did you find her facebook page? Did you copy her contacts?


An IM does not have to live where you live. An IM does her job through email. It needs to be a person who will act as a spam filter and who agrees to present a neutral stance. Her only job is to pass on pertinent messages and filter out the rest.

I sent the letter to his FB, and it was checked. The response was that he knows about it, and he doesn't want that for his daughter.
I know the daughter's name, but she does not have a FB (or it's private), so I cannot copy contacts.

OOOH okay, I will ask a person to be my IM! Doing that now.

(in my post, i said I have a daughter to watch, i don't know if that's what you're referring, but just to clarify, if you are, it's mine and my H's daughter. Which is why my posts are short sometimes)

The daughter is not a facebook friend of the fathers? Have you copied all the father's facebook contacts and gone through them to look for family members?

So she KNEW he was married? I thought you said she didn't know?

when she found out, she broke it off with him, and he persisted.. he called her, tried to visit her, etc. He was needy, and addicted, I suppose. But, she doesn't want him back. She doesn't want a married man or a liar (he lied about a lot)

Yesterday, he was willing to talk to me about it when I get back to our home state, but today he is so mad at me- not sure if it's b/c I exposed him, or b/c I talked to her and she fought with him again, but he's IRATE.

Is there really hope with a Plan B if he is this angry? How will he want me back if he's just soooo angry and irrational?

I believe it can work in most situations, but have you seen it work in one this extreme? When there was abuse (from me) before all of this happened?

I am going to do it, I just want to know if you're seen any success with anybody like him.

and yes, i looked through for family members, and contacted/exposed him to anyone who seemed to be a family member.

I did all of the exposing. Took a lot of work!

LonelyGal:

You should EXPECT him to angry. In fact, the angrier he is, the more you have "hit the target" with the exposure bomb. Usually, this anger dissapates pretty quickly.

Oh, and nearly all WS's claim they were "going to talk reconciliation" before the exposure bomb was dropped, but now....

THis is all textbook, LG. Stay the course.

I know, thank you.

His talk of reconciliation was more something that happened last night-
I'll explain (although it's probably still textbook)
My counsellor suggested that I write down each and every way i hurt him, and ask him for forgiveness (whether or not he actually does).
I texted him that I wanted to do that, and i said it's up to him when he wants me to do it.
I said I forgive him for everything
He then told me about the affair.. said it's confusing, built on lies, but ending, and he wants to talk in person. He said he wants to hear my list

Then, today I contacted OW and he was irate (she probably texted him about it). Said he's done, etc.

and then he informed me of his earlier plans to talk with me when I get back

Yup. Textbook.

Why do you think his is irate? Remember, the A is all fantasy. Exposure shines the light of day on the affair, and the fantasy is revealed as irrational, unsustainable, foolish, shameful...

Furthermore, quit taking his word for things. In his state of mind, he is not capable of rational thought. Not only to WS's lie about things, they delude themselves. So trying to figure him out, or expect a rational answer from him, is setting yourself up for further pain.

Just stop doing that...

thank you.

Also- do you think the Plan B could work even with my history of abuse? i was awful to him (and now he's been awful to me, in a different way)

and what is my next step in plan b? writing the letter? do I mail it or give it when I see him?

Scrap the list. Obviously if he is having an affair, then he is looking for justications for his affair. You don't need to hand him that justification. And "forgiveness" is entirely inappropriate so don't go there.

Does your counselor know of the affair?