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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
So, am I telling him that I am doing Plan A or just begin? I have read SAA and I understand Love Busters etc. I am doing my best, and have yet to have an angry outburst. I've also read exposure 101, just gaining the courage and script to go for it. I am TERRIFIED. We are actually getting along very well when he is home and I know that it's not enough but I am enjoying the time spent. Can anyone share their success stories in regards to workplace exposure and recovering from possible job loss. They may not fire him, and may just transfer him (or her) which would be BEST CASE SCENARIO!!!
I am concerned that you started another thread asking about Plan A when we already told you the most important next step is exposure.
Plan A (being the best wife you can be, meeting ENs and avoiding LBs) WILL NOT work without exposure.
When the WS is still seeing the OP in the workplace, the addiction continues and all the hard work you do to try to get them to fall back in love with you will NOT work.
Meeting ENs and avoiding LBers is only meant to demonstrate a willingness to work on rebuilding a romantic relationship if they will end the affair. Please don't misinterpret this.
You have to take steps to end the affair. The rest won't work without it.
Thanks for your concern. I am not skipping the important step of exposure. I thought that Plan A and exposure were sort of done at the same time, and while I am getting my ducks in a row and my courage to begin the exposure process, I was trying to gain some clarity on exactly what I should be doing in Plan A. I do intend to expose and I plan to do so sooner rather than later. Is there a thread anywhere that I can be linked to that deals with what the family and friends should do and say to WS once they know what is going on?
So, am I telling him that I am doing Plan A or just begin? I have read SAA and I understand Love Busters etc. I am doing my best, and have yet to have an angry outburst. I've also read exposure 101, just gaining the courage and script to go for it. I am TERRIFIED. We are actually getting along very well when he is home and I know that it's not enough but I am enjoying the time spent. Can anyone share their success stories in regards to workplace exposure and recovering from possible job loss. They may not fire him, and may just transfer him (or her) which would be BEST CASE SCENARIO!!!
ALL of the success stories on this board attribute that to exposure. Courage is a choice you have to make. The longer you wait, the less likely you will kill the affair. If you want to save your marriage, you need to man up here or you won't be married for long.
Your husband should be fired and frog marched off the premises for such an egregious abuse of power. At my company, he would be frog marched off the premises with an armed security guard. Anyone that reckless should not be in a position of power. He should never be in a supervisory position again.
However, he cannot stay at that job anyway if you plan on staying married so I would give him 30 days to leave gracefully or you should expose it to Human Resources. Tell your H after you have exposed it to everyone else that you will be marching right into HR in exactly 30 days if he is still employed there. That gives him 30 days to leave.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
In your exposure letter, you will be asking for help in ending the affair. The kind of help you want is for family members, friends, and anyone else who cares about your family to tell him that he's making a big mistake, that the OW will never be accepted into the family or group of friends, and that his affair is disgraceful.
Is there a thread anywhere that I can be linked to that deals with what the family and friends should do and say to WS once they know what is going on?
Yes, in my exposure thread that is covered in the template letters you send to your exposure targets.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Thank you! Your encouragement is what I need. Time to man up!
You got it!! And you will turn from a sobbing mess into a confident warrioress overnight! Taking charge of the situation will make you feel much, much better.
WE were all scared too!! But what separates the men from the mice is acting DESPITE that fear. You have to walk through it. If you allow fear to drive your decisions, you are DONE. You don't have to be done!!
Make a decision to be courageous and tell that fear to go to hell!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
And here is one of my favorite movie clips that I apply to the approach we should take against affairs:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
So, am I telling him that I am doing Plan A or just begin?
You don't tell him. Also do not tell him about this site or anything that you are learning here (for now). After exposure and after he has been truly no contact for a bit, that will be the time to let him in on this site.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
EXPOSURE IS COMPLETE!!! I feel 200 times lighter. He's already texting me. What is my next move here? I am remaining calm and being very concise with him. What now??
EXPOSURE IS COMPLETE!!! I feel 200 times lighter. He's already texting me. What is my next move here? I am remaining calm and being very concise with him. What now??
Who did you expose to?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
His parents, his brother, his best friend, my parents, my sister and her spouse and our mutual friend couple.
Good.
What about her parents or siblings?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
Where is he now? What did he parents say? Is anyone going to put pressure on him?
What did the OWBH's say?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
