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I found a friend! Finally!
Now, what if H doesn't go along with it? What if he won't e-mail?
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I don't have your email anymore, melody...
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I don't have your email anymore, melody... Notify the MODS and they can exchange emails for you.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I found a friend! Finally!
Now, what if H doesn't go along with it? What if he won't e-mail? Then he doesn't get a message to you!! Almost all WS's initially refuse, so everytime he tries to get through directly, the IM simply emails him and says "lonelygal did not receive your message. Please forward any messages to me if you want to get a message to her." Include her email address in the letter you give him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I just sent you an email, btw..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Also, you do not hand him the Plan B letter.
The last memory of you should ideally be a good one.
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Why not hand him the letter? To give it to him by messenger would look like conflict avoidance. Dr. Harley suggests writing these letters and giving them to your spouse on many occassions. It's direct, yet done without Lovebusters. It shows a certain amount of self-confidence and proper independence that just might keep lonelygal at least a little bit interesting to her husband.
Last edited by LifetimeLearner; 03/30/14 07:24 AM. Reason: Clarify idea
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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In my letter,
do you think it's a bad idea to put in an option for him to go to counselling with me?
Like, no contact unless it's an emergency or he will go to counselling with me.
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In my letter,
do you think it's a bad idea to put in an option for him to go to counselling with me?
Like, no contact unless it's an emergency or he will go to counselling with me. I would not put that in there. The marital recovery program he needs to follow is Marriage Builders, so if/when he agrees to meet your conditions that is what I would ask. And I agree it is ok to hand him the letter. Just don't discuss it or wait around for him to read it. Hand him the envelope and just say "please read this later when you are alone." Are you riding to the school together?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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no, we're going separately, and he is taking our daughter for the day.
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oh good! Have you written your letter, patterning it after the letter in the book SAA? When you are done, please post it so we can give you feedback.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I actually wrote it patterned after the first sample letter, but I am going to rewrite it later, because I am not happy with it (I need to go to the store to buy paper.. haha).
I'm thinking I will pattern it after the ones in SAA, and blend it with the first sample letter.
I will be posting it tonight sometime.
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Did you see the letter in SAA? That is one I would use.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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yes, I had written that one down, but then I saw the list on http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787 which includes adding things like vacations, holiday traditions, etc. I wanted to incorporate some of this in, because he and I always made it a point to travel, create awesome traditions, and do fun things. Should the addendum be a separate letter given the same day? The Plan B Board says to do that addendum, but in the sample letter in the book, it sort of includes the information about the child. Which is why I want to re-write mine, I think- to keep it separate.
Last edited by lonelygal84; 03/30/14 10:36 AM.
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I'm curious- is there a link to your own story? Did you use this method?
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I'm curious- is there a link to your own story? Did you use this method? You can go back and read all my previous posts by clicking on my name. And no, I have never been in Plan A or Plan B because I didn't know about Marriage Builders at the time. However, I would not have done either. When I found out my H was having an EA, I kicked him out and planned to end the marriage. I had just been married for a few months so it wasn't worth it. My H approached me and asked to come back. After that, we found Marriage Builders and created a really great marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Should the addendum be a separate letter given the same day?
The Plan B Board says to do that addendum, but in the sample letter in the book, it sort of includes the information about the child. If I were you, I would just add these lines into your Plan B letter: "I expect that you will continue to deposit XXX into our account for the support of me and DD. I have attached a visitation schedule. I would only ask that you pick up and return DD without coming inside the house." Then attach some type of visitation schedule that you think would work for you and him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Is there a board with success stories at all? I need some hope right now as I get ready to Plan B.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I'm still afraid of doing the Plan B-
the reason his affair ended was b/c of his lies about being married and everything. But, if we're separated, there would be no lies. He would be being honest w/ another girl if he were to start another relationship. It would be easy for him. It would be what he wants. He wants divorce, I feel like this is just giving him what he wants.
I'm really conflicted. I know everyone is saying to Plan B, but I don't feel like I did Plan A long enough (because I was away for 3 weeks), I had no contact for a little, and various reasons.
I feel like I should Plan A as I work on my things a little... :-/ since I am back in the area now.
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