Excuses, excuses.

College, transfer to another college. Moving going to mean less money for college then kids go part time and work.

Parents ill, move parents to your new town.

Inconvenience? Yes.

Though the consequence and price of an affair.

They are reasons.

You may disagree with them, but they're my reasons, not excuses.

Thank you for your input.

What does Dr. Harley say? Have you written to him?

Not yet, BH.

I always begin here.

Honestly, I know what he'll say: move.

But we can't right now, so need Plan B for putting out this flare up.

Can you look into each reason why you can't move and see if you can resolve them? What does your wife say?

For the time being about the games. Can your son go and you 2 just not go to those 2 games and have someone record the games?

BH,

As we've been traveling alot looking at colleges recently for D, each time we've come back home HFM has stated how much better she feels when we're away from here, how we both 'breathe' better, and yes, from my pov, is much more firmly committed to moving away.

But we both know that we're 'coping' for the time being. There's been no run-ins with OM, although his vicinity is an issue with where HFM can work now.

Frankly, there are 2 reasons for not moving now, and yes, we've discussed them both...and are in agreement.

1. are youngest child is in high school, a GREAT school, school district, and we are not pulling him out with 3 years remaining.

2. MIL was recently diagnosed with full-onset, late stage dementia/alz. HFM does not want to move away from her ailing M or her dad, who needs assistance in caregiving. Them moving WITH us is not an option. Theyve been married for 53 years, in the same house for 50...they ain't leaving.

Originally, I feel -- theses are MY feelings -- that W didn't want to move at all, or atleast not for awhile. However, she is on board now and what we've come to agree upon is to 'plan' on a move after S graduates high school, but we'll need to revaluate it according to parent's health status then as well.

Thats where we're at. I may have mentioned before that I think we both feel some resentment that WE are the ones who worry about running into POSOM. we stay out of that county, there are no overlapping social circles...I fear POS working at a construction job at a place W works at in the future, but W and I have discussed that and have a plan for that as well.

I know W -- who accepts full responsibility for her actions -- has seemed angry at times towars OM? because while we certainly have to deal with the consequences of the A, it 'feels' like POS got off scot free and isn't living his life on guard, or needing to move, or a loss of salary, or uprooting a family, etc.

I guess right now the situation is we are choosing to stay here (although most days it feels like we really have no choice, as the reasons are complellingto US), and until we move need to have a plan to simply COPE with these issues as they arise.

I don't think I fear a little thing like this, although a trigger is a trigger, means the end of our recovery or marriage...I'm just so exhausted and frankly angry at times at seemingly making 'accomodations' in my life due to the A...I mean, for how long does this have to go on?!?

Sorry for rambling...Thanks.

I hate even discussing this with W, becasue the mere fact of pointing out WHERE the games are is going to trigger her thinking about OM, and his house...and who know? reminiscing about those great times, you know?

Lots of kids move during high school.

There is more then one great high school.

Parent's ill. Not the first parents illness where support from adult children is needed. They way you are moving they can be moved. You tell them is it better to move and be close to you and WW, or stay where they are alone.

Marriages suffer when things are placed before it.

I do not understand you having this problem because you rather do this then move far away from the OM.

No, I'd not rather do this...I'm not a glutton for punishment.

I am an educator; I am aware of the great schools/districts that exist.

We are blessed enough to be in one, and I realize the choice we are making in staying and giving both our children the opportunities we never had.

Thank you.

HFD,

Is there a way to get OM to move was he properly exposed? Can you put a lightning rod on his roof grounded in a container of gasoline?

I think your W was a nurse and OM was a construction worker doing work at the hospital if I remember your story correctly.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma,

You are correct...which is a source of consternation as HFM looks to return to hospital nursing as her grad program concludes this summer.

She is limited to only a few hospitals in our immediate area, without branching into the OMs county next door...and of course I have a fear that POS can wind up at ANY union job at ANY hospital with ANY general contractor.

We did discuss that and created a plan should that happen.

I exposed POSOM to his family, his union, and his employers at the time. Being a union worker, his 'employer' can shift location to location, depending upon the work.

We're going on 4 years now since the affair...I didn't expose to neighhbors or Cheaterville wasn't around or a billboard.

I can't retroactively expose 'harsher' now can I? I sometimes feel like MY life is in limbo while he just went on with his life, not worrying about being on guard or accomodating others', you know?

So what is the plan if the OM union puts him there to work at WW's new hospital job?

Why not though? Like I said, most school systems around the world CHOOSE to interrupt schooling and swap to a different system at this age. It's a great age to reinvent yourself and learn how to enter new social situations as an almost adult. Like he will have to do with college, and with jobs throughout his life. You learn how to socialise at a different level.

Like a lot of British people I changed from high school to sixth form college at this age (15-16). You do your last two years before higher education at a sixth form. I went from being very shy and childish in the school environment (because they were people I had known all my life) to being Miss Popularity at the college. I was at that age when I was ready for a change, a reinvention.

I don't see why a change of school is a bad thing at all. What are the concerns?


There are other good schools and school districts I am sure!

Indie,

I'm not saying changing schools IS a bad thing; I just don't see it as a NECESSARY thing. The kids have gone through enough crap because of us, and none of it was their fault.

God's honest truth: maybe it's becasue I'm stubborn or resentful or just sick and tired of it being ME who has to adjust due to the POS...it is ME who has to move? It is ME who has to be on watch where my W works? It is ME who has to have the A further affect my kids by pulling them from a great school? From their childhood friends? ME who has to uproot the family?

I just want to live a good life, and all the while the xxxhole OM just goes on his merry way, no change, no consequence, no inconvienences.

It sucks, really, and I've had enough already, living 'scared' and rearranging my life around a low life scumball.

My point is that it is a GOOD thing. What an amazing opportunity for your son! As well as moving for your benefit, your son gets to go to a whole new school and enjoy the best years of his life somewhere totally new. Why would you not be on board with this new adventure? How can a new school environment, a whole new set of friends be described as "crap"? If this is the message you send your son about change then he isn't going to like life much.




Take responsibility. It is YOUR decision to live somewhere where this is constantly an issue. That is what YOU have done.


I also don't understand what does this have to do with making a choice to live somewhere better that doesn't affect you negatively? If your town became affected by pollution, you would move. You wouldn't rage at the pollution. You're allowing yourself to get bogged down in territorial nonsense.



"Nose, this is face, where are you? Have you cut yourself off?"

You are right. We have to take responsibility that we are maing this choice. We're simply not moving until he graduates high school.

I suppose that means at least 3 more years of "coping" and dealing with nuisances caused by choosing to remain here.

I get your point, I do...I just think maybe it feels like it's giving too much power/control of our life over to the POSOM.

Thanks, Indie.

Gamma,

How I wish there was something I could do to run that skank out of town...

OK, the reasons have not become compelling for you ...yet.



That would not eliminate the triggers!