Are you going to pursue marriage?

Certainly! If all goes well, I would like to propose before the holidays

vIL, that sounds like a lovely plan! The other man isn't offering her a future, this will make her choices so much clearer.

I would suggest that you make that holiday the Fourth of July.

I will start shopping for a band this weekend, her mother already has the diamond.

Fantastic.

Have you introduced her to MB?

I want to introduce her,but I am not sure where to have her start. Any Suggestions?

Have you been modeling any of the behavior recommended by Dr. Harley? That's where I would start. Read up on the Basics Concepts and listen to the radio show. Start doing everything Dr. Harley recommends that creates a great marriage.

Learn to complain respectfully. Learn how to respond to her complaints. Ask her how she feels before doing something (POJA.) Make respectful requests if you'd like her to do something for you, avoiding any selfish demands.

Finally, make sure you are meeting her most important ENs and schedule those 15 hours of UA together and keep it up!

Michael, you may have already thought of this, but just to make sure: if she agrees to marry you, make sure she understands the "forsaking all others" part; in particular, absolutely no further contact with OM.

Because he's in jail, she may think contacting him is harmless. If she continues to have feelings for him, you'll be fighting an uphill battle.

I am a little confused regarding this proposal. Let's say I propose, and she doesn't want to get married. What happens afterwards??? Do I just continue trying to win her over, or consider separation??

I would consider trying to win her over for a few months; I think Dr. Harley would also urge you to consider this since you have a daughter.

The fact is she may be in love with another man and the most romantic proposal in the world wont change that.

To introduce her to MBers is basically... Leading the horse to the water. I think I have been doing a pretty good job at that. We actually resolved a lovebuster in which she thought it'd be better to discuss in counseling! She was pleased to see that we could come to a POJA resolution

She actually says that we are doing too much at times?? I think it is partially due to bad habits of not spending time together. She's more used to planning her days independently and spontaneously.

So, I am easing up a little bit.

Jedi - my thoughts exactly. I think she'd appreciate that I waited it out too. We were looking at rings and she wasn't exactly overexcited nor was she discouraging. She is in deep conflict still with hope in our relationship.

We signed a year lease on an apartment. I think it will convey to her that i can meet her financial support and family commitment because I think those are her top 5 ENs. She knew OM would have a very difficult time learning to meet those needs, "I know I am being very irrational right now."

We are definitely moving forward, but it's definitely an uphill battle like keeplearning said. This has been emotionally draining experience, but I am learning a lot in the process that will build the foundation for a happy marriage.

Here's your show with your question.
Radio Clip of vlL90's question

Hi fellow MBers,

Giving you guys an update on my story.

My girlfriend agreed not to talk to OM about 6 months ago, and to get rid of all his stuff she was holding onto.

I having been working really hard trying to implement the MBer principles and wooing her (also listening to MB radio regularly), but it is really tiring me out. I find it increasingly difficult to manage my taker lately and myself depressed most days. I believe we hit a plateu in rebuilding our relationship. Here are few of the road blocks:

She doesnt create a safe place for me to talk about our problems. I feel anxious and/or guilty bringing problems to the table. Sometimes I don't bring it up at all because of this feeling.

She is not transparent with her phone or other electronics. I feel like that's guilty behavior by the nature of it, but maybe a woman can shy in.

She is a renter, and admitted she is not ready for marriage. She rarely exhibits giving behavior unless it suits her. She doesn't believe POJA, in the sense that, sacrifice is necessary to make each other happy.

I need help figuring out how to address these issues in a dating relationship. There really isnt any material dealing with this dating dynamic. Maybe I should focus on HNHN for parents?

Thanks MBer.

Did you listen? What did you think of Dr Harley's advice?