Empty shell I have been and have been replying. <P>Thanks<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

Hi Brownphd -<P>UGH - what a horrible experience to have to decide and go through !!! And on top of everything else.....<P>I really have to ask how she is still sane at all with all this!!! Even though it is of her own creation that fact does not make any of it easier..on the contrary....she is enduring the emotions of that aspect also.<P>Making you a little anxious again, too - I see......RELAX Brownphd!!!<P>You are back to thinking that she can actually be able to be consistant with her words and actions....she is way to confused to even come close!!! <P>This is a TIME thing....remember!! You have to put things in a perspective that allows her the time she needs...while keeping you in a state of mind that you won't lose your own sanity.!!! You're not doing that at the moment!!! She needs you to stay strong and STEADY!!!!<P>What good will you be as a possitive and safe "zone" for her if you let your emotions fluctuate with hers? You will just throw your own confusion into the fire!!! That would be very bad....<P>Getting one or two positive feedbacks from her does not mean the road is clear!!! You know that!!!! But you seem to be putting too much expectation into each little incident.....<P>You have to stop that...you will make yourself nuts!!! One nut at a time, OK?<P>This is A PROCESS!!!! That means it takes a lot of steps to get to the goal.<BR>It takes time to do those steps....sometimes things go two steps forward and one back...so you can't even give a length of time it will all take.<P>Don't watch the clock!!! Don't expect so much!!! Do all that you can for her, the kids and yourself to help things.. ...but the reason you are doing it is for the betterment of the family - not the pushing along of the process!!!<P>This is not going to do a quick turnaround....You have made tremendous steps so far and there is a lot of positive things going on here....don't push for the finish line - go slow and steady - like the turtle, not the hare!!<P>You have to be the rock...you can be her anchor to reality and love if you choose. Just don't yank on the rope or you will capsize the boat!!!<P>HUGS and STRENGTH,<P>Sheba

SHEBA I am glad you responded. I have been waiting for your response. were do you come up with this stuff. You always make since to me in every thing you have told me.<P>Thanks<P>I know it takes time and shouldn't read all these things, but remember the BIG D? Well the temp order have been set. She droped everything except child support. I got the decree in the mail. I am supposed to sighn it and mail it back. I just took it to her house and left it with her a week ago. It is still there and she has said nothing about it. I probably shoud read anything in to this, but it is hard not to. My ears and eyes are always looking for hope.<P>THANK YOU VERY MUCH, you always put a smile on my face, <P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

brownphd -- Listen to Sheba my friend. She is one very special lady who has helped me a lot. Hi Sheba <P>God Bless

I have to give SHEBA a lot of credit. She has gotten me were I am today with half my sanity. EMPTY SHELL you have helped too. If you can do it So can I. I have to give a little credit to my mother also. she just reads my posts. THANKS AGAIN SHEBA, and EMPTY SHELL<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR><p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 09, 1999).]

brownphd -- It's my pleasure. I wish there was a blushing icon <P>God Bless

some time I wish My wife would read this stuff. she asks me who i talk to. I just tell her a freind. I have E-Mailed this sight to her, I dont know if she has looked at it or not. she know I printed all of the BASIC CONCEPT, and I want her to read it , but she hasn't yet.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

Hello Gentlemen -<P>Thank you very much....If I can help at all that's great!!! Don't forget I have the ULTIMATE male version!!! Problem is that I have the female perspective and I think I understand them better!! LOL!!'<P>Sorry I took so long to respond - I wasn't on here over the weekend!!<P>Hi ES!!!!<P>Brownphd - I know the search for inklings of hope!!!! Just try to keep them filed away instead of jumping up and down for each one that happens...if you add them up and then let them hit your excite button....you'll be much better off and you will see for yourself the progress even though it sometimes doesn't seem like there is any that's lasting......there is, rest assured!!<P>Remember that the D business is nothing to get riled up about at this point..it's only paper!!!! Nothing that can't be undone if it ever goes that far. If you use that as an anxiety and it causes you to push...in effect you might be pushing her into signing it!!<P>Don't even think about those darn papers!!! I know it's hard..like an axe looming over your head!! I'm there and my axe is going to fall...still doesn't mean that my hope is gone!!!<P>Yours has an excellent chance of not getting that far.....don't dwell and think that you have to make that disappear....it will in time!!!<P>Going to sleep now...you should do the same and take deep breaths first so you can have a great nite!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

you made perfect sense. I know she is going threw a rough time. I just want to help her and the only way i know to let her know is to tell or try to show her. I have known things weren't righ for a while. when I wold go to her house she would just stare at times. when I assked what was wrong she would get upset with me an d tell me to quit asking. I love her so much and dont like seeing her bury hreself in this hole.<P><P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

SHEBA the papers I havent said anything about them, and wont untill she does. Thanks again you have halped me so much. She has just abou used up all the soap..lol<P>THANKS<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR><p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 09, 1999).]

I believe last night and today are the worst times of my life.<P>I did not sleep at all. After I left here as soon as my head hit the oillow I started having dreams of all this. I cant stand this . I didn't go to work today, that dont help anything. when the visions go threw my head I get so mad I could scream<P> This is not easy I want this to be over. I recue her from the rut she is in. I know I am repeating my self, but I cant help it.<P>I need to talk to someone about this, but she doesnt want any one to know about if. Its easier for her to think tis away if no one know. I think she probably needs to talk too. <P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is incredible how much you close your eyes to the pain of others until you experience it yourself. I was wrapped up in my world of a "secure" marriage honestly believing that "I" had nothing to wrry about because I KNEW he would never do that to me. I guess rebuilding goes a little at a time. Thank-you for reaching out even though you are in one of the worst kind of pain ther is.

no problam, I hope in time things will come together<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>