No, you be quiet and keep snooping until you find out what is going on. Report your findings back to us. You need to be more strategic and not so reactive. Be like JAMES BOND.

Everything she says is nonsense and a bid to persuade you you have no power.

She's controlling you with very silly lies.

Guys I think I've tried to the bitter end and need to let go. Both for her sanity and my own. There is a point, that the kids and health become important. Neither one of us is any good mental shape, and to keep going would make it worse. I still want her to be happy, and if that means letting go so be it. I was abusive and she didn't want that at all, whether she is lying or not is important, but at what cost? She said she wants her life to be her own, and I think I need to abide by her wishes. As hard as that is, it's the right thing to do period. Thanks again for everything, it may not have worked out perfect, but lessons learned are good. I may try to post a follow up at some point. Keep up the good work!!

That is exactly why you should gather evidence and expose the affair. The affair will be the worst thing that ever happened to them.

Even if you are not going to stay married, it is in the best interest of your children for you to expose the affair.

Roid, do you realize you may wind up financially liable for raising a child that is not yours? I implore you to contact Dr. Harley and a lawyer, ASAP.

I agree, which is why Dr. Harley was pointing you to Plan B, to preserve your sanity. His advice was once you had evidence of the affair, to expose it, and then go into Plan B. This will be the best for your sanity - and for your wife's, which is currently impacted by her heroin addiction.

That is your choice.

But, is this current decision made from logic or current emotions?

Feelings do change quite often. Do you want to really throw in the towel so easily before giving this program of recovery a shot?

I don't believe her fabricated version of the pregnancy clinic e-mail. It sounds like a teenager telling their parents they were just holding a bag of pot for a friend.

You can have a better divorce with better personal results, or also a better marriage if you expose the affair that we all all seem to see.

This program would still help you in future relationships, so i suggest sticking around to see what personal growth you can achieve.

LTL

Both logic and emotions. I have a sneaky feeling that I am wrong on this, but can't out my finger on it. You guys and gals maybe all correct, but for some reason I feel that something is just not adding up. You all have very valid points but, it's just not enough. I know call me crazy, and point out what I'm missing. My wife never lied like this, and hated my lies. Not that I don't know things can change for everybody, but what if this is all wrong and in the end she just wanted space to see me change and grow into a better man?

What you are missing is that you believe you are dealing with your old wife. You don't understand the effect of an affair on a person. An affair is an addiction, so you are dealing with the equivalent of a crack head or an alcoholic. Lying and sneaking is second nature to them. Lying is a natural component of being wayward. We know your wife better than you do at this point. That is why you are so confused. You don't understand what you are dealing with here.

Those of us who are familiar with addicts recognize your situation for what it is. Dr Harley figured this out too.

You have not even BEGUN to do the necessary work of saving your marriage. You have been manipulated and gaslighted because you don't have good instincts when you are being tricked. WE DO.

There is no reason to give up before you have arrived at the field of battle.

I don't even know where to begin again at this point.

We will help you.

Start snooping NOW. Hire a babysitter and go stake out her home with a camera.

Pore over her emails, cell phone records, etc. Go TODAY and copy and paste the OM's facebook contacts into a text doc for safekeeping.

My recommendation is that you follow the plan anyway, and defer your decisions to later. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Most, if not all of us felt the same way.

Melody is right. The Wife that you previously knew gas been replaced by an affair induced addictive personality.

Try to wrap your head around that. This woman is NOT the same person that you married and felt that you knew so well and intimately.

Accept that as a fact.

Then go on from there, regardless if EVENTUALLY, you choose the divorce route or attempt at reconciliation.

Exposure is your Number 1 asset to turn her back into the person that you once knew. Also, you shall commit NO Love Busters.

My recommendation to you is to buy and read Surviving An Affair and Lovebusters and come to the forum for regular daily advice.

LTL

Just do it, Roid - you will be glad you did.

Roid, I don't want your kids to grow up in a broken home. But if they do, I don't want them to grow up with a mother who is living in an affair, because it is virtually the same as having a heroin addiction. And I don't want you to have to live with yourself knowing you slinked away before you even got started.

But you know for a fact that she lies! First it was her friend, now it's a kid she only wants you to support ( that last bit was true, she does see you as an easy mark)

Waywards all used to hate lies before their affair. Then they have to do it.

It's more tempting when their spouse in a very stubborn denial. She knows she could tell you anything and you'd buy it.

All this 'better man' stuff is nonsense. You know that she never allowed you to succeed and kept moving the goalposts. It was all just distraction from the affair.

Sorry that should read that she's telling this ridiculous lie to have you support the baby and cover the A.


She was found out and you had her bang to rights. Then she got angry and you caved in pure fear. NO ONE would believe this tale about doing it 'for a friend'

Except a very well controlled husband.

Here's your show.

Radio Clip of Roid76's show

new development, need some new advice. she is not having a true affair, she is not pregnant. totally off on that one. So I need some new advice. She is suffering from depression from post partum, and is completely wantng to just give up on everything, including the kids. She is just not happy, and thinks that she is not good at anything or for anything. She is upset about how I treated here, and is having a hard time forgiving and forgetting yes, but with her general mood, its going to be hard to overcome. Most of this came from today. I gave what I thought was my number to a girl at my high shchool reunion. This woman is married with kids, her family and my family were friends, her dad died suddenly during freshmen year of school. They moved out of town. So instead of my number for what ever random reason, I gave her my W number. She texted, my wife, and it broke loose a bit. I wasn't even aware until she said something. she said "I hope she is a good catch". I just ignored the text message on that one. We were meeting to drop off girls anyway, so when she got there she was bawling and on the phone. She was so upset and mad at the same time and I was smiling, mabye not right, but it was funny. Found out she was on phone with my mom, and they were talking. She texted my mom and said your idiot son gave the wrong number to a girl at the bar. We were at a bar for high school reunion when I gave her my number. My daughter then proceeded to tell her she wanted to with her dad and not her. This was the topping of the volcano. She said take her, I am done, I just want to give up. I think I need a new strategy, or some ways to try and make her feel special without pouring it on to hard. I did get her a small bday gift, DVD and a card, card was friendly humuorous one no love. Should I still back away even more, and just let her be, or try to do something to get closer. Now true or not, she told my mom some stuff that she has never said to me. I didnt try to stop her when she left, I didnt I tnought she wanted to go, and should juat let her. I didnt really do that much to try and get her to stay. She also said that I dont hardly say anything to her when we meet for the girls to drop off, I dont trying to keep it all business as much as possible. Any advice?

How is the snooping coming along? And what do you mean when you say she is not having a "true affair?"