This



That's wonderful - we see this happen on MB all the time. However if the woman remains in contact during a long period of abuse her mental health suffers and then nothing can be done to recover the marriage. Or her own sanity.

Your separation is a good plan to protect yourself, but Dr H would recommend Plan B. Have you read up on the plans and do you know how to implement them?



Maybe you came here for that direction.

Stacmom, if I were you I'd read up on the difference between the separation plans. There is Plan B (no contact, the WS given a loveletter and guide as to standards for return to the marriage and a it follows a set timescale) and Plan C or Plan Confusion (no plan, no timescales, WS is allowed to make contact as they please taking needs, making drama and being abusive).

Plan B can sometimes end in a recovered marriage, with a healed Betrayed Spouse. Plan C almost always leads to divorce because the wayward behaviour is rewarded and not checked and the betrayed spouse (especially women) can suffer nervous breakdowns.


Hugs.

Please read.
BSs....Plan C is not a Plan

I've read up on the different plans and plan to implement plan B for my marriage. As far as everything else I have stood up and told everyone about his infidelity.
I went to a different church than normal and had the speaker pray over me and he said that in his spirit he felt God tell him that He's not done yet. Nothing in our divorce has been as cut and dry as my husband expected it to be. Don't know if that is God stopping stuff from moving forward or not. Please understand that I didn't come to this forum to feel bashed and more discouraged. I joined for some encouragement and advice on how to deal with what God is telling me.

I'm very sorry to hear what you have allowed your husband to put you through. And even more despicable, he met this woman on a MISSION trip??? Why haven't you exposed the deeds of the darkness to his employer? Please expose other woman's deeds to her family, her church and her friends. I have no doubt that they will talk some sense into her. Committing adultery with a married man is not in my version of the bible. That is a whole other mission.

Also, you say you have read Surviving an affair. Regretfully, extraordinary precautions were not implemented in your marriage. Otherwise he would have been going on a mission trip with you and maybe have reconnected with you instead of with some dumb woman.

Also you have been ill-advised by your counselor, wasting your time looking at his (abandonment?, commitment crap?) "issues", where you could have used your time better by getting some real extraordinary precautions in place.

He is a serial cheater , which places your marriage at a very high risk of recurrence of an affair. At best he has extremely poor boundaries around other women and there is a good chance that he is in fact a predator, actively seeking out other women for his own satisfaction. Mister missionary got you pregnant too, didn't he? I bet you did not beg him to do it at the time.

Please think about the example you are giving to your children. This is not normal behaviour for parents. Have you exposed to the children? Because they may hear it from someone else if you don't.

stacmom, people here want to help you, but we are not going to help you pursue the fantasy that you can change your husband against his will. We want to help you make good decisions and remove yourself from this abuse.

I do believe that God led you to this forum for a reason, and it is so we can help you with Dr. Harley's program. I am happy to hear that you are going into Plan B. Can we help you plan for this? Have you read Surviving an Affair and do you have a good understanding of Plan B?

Stacmom, God does not permit his people to remain in a covenant with death, which is what your marriage covenant has become.

Please read the second half of Isaiah 28.

God tells us that the bed will not be long enough or the blanket wide enough for us to ever find comfort in a covenant with death. He tells us to take a stick and beat it out.

Don't confuse your feelings and perceptions with God's irrefutable, iron-clad instructions in the Bible.

Remember that Satan is the father of all lies; he has deceived many people and he can deceive you into continuing to dwell in another situation the Bible also warns about, which is leaders who are leading you to your destruction. We all have known many people who were deeply convicted that God was leading them in one way to have it all proven to be wrong.

Your husband does not have the right to lead your home when he leads it to destruction.

Step up and use the tried and true means that Dr. Harley has found in his research of 10's of thousands of couples and let God bring out the end that He wills.

With you beating the situation out with the proverbial stick, either your husband will turn from his ways and truly repent or it was not meant to be and he will continue in his destructive ways. In any case, God's clear instructions are that you as a believer are not to continue to dwell in a covenant of death.

No, you haven't. This is what you posted a few days ago:

We understand. We sure would never want to bash someone for learning how to follow Marriage Builders. We are all glad that you came back and posted again stacmom.

This forum focuses on Marriage Builder principles, but the SUPER thing is that Dr. and Joyce Harley are Christian, and MB principles align so well with what the Bible teaches us.

As far as whether things are supposed to move forward for you (or not), none of us can know God's plan. He is Sovereign, but we DO know that He has a perfect plan, right?

Stacmom, all of us here are volunteers, this is a "community forum" so to speak, BUT there are moderators constantly watching here, and they will delete or edit out any posts that are not Marriage Builders principles. So rest assured, you are in good hands here.

You asked for some encouragement and advice, and I truly feel that it will help anyone to read the Basic Concepts here. My H and I are only one year into recovery, but we both feel that our M is already better than it EVER was�even better than the day after we got married 33 years ago!

We are both Christian, and previously both Catholic. My H got saved last December, BUT that was only after I discovered a false recovery in October. Many of us here have been through some tough times.

One other thing that I will say is that we have an awesome Pastor helping us once per week. When we first started counseling with him, he asked that we stick to the Bible for our "straight path", but we kept talking about the concepts that we had learned here on MB�.we talked so much that he became intrigued and bought three of Dr. Harley's books for himself! He absolutely (now) agrees with us that POJA, PORH, and of course Dr. Harley's input regarding unconditional love DO align with the Bible.

I have recently notified his job about the situation. They don't care as long as it doesn't affect his work. The world is a nasty place and I'm sad to be part of it.
I'm also having issues with mutual friends attacking me and believing everything he says as total truth. It takes 2 people to make or destroy a marriage. Why are these people not seeing the truth and mistreating me?

Who did you notify?
How did you notify them?
Did you use the workplace exposure letters posted here?

Workplace affairs are a serious liability for a company and are usually addressed

I encourage you to also expose the OW on www.cheaterville.com.
Tell your story on there.

Stacmom, I would make sure these people who are defending your H's infidelity are not in your life. You need people around you who support you, not discourage you.

Also, there are times that two people can destroy a marriage, but it takes just one to have an affair. Having an affair is the most painful and destructive thing one spouse can do to the other. There are reasons for affairs, but there is never an excuse. I've heard Dr. Harley say that he has seen many cases where just one spouse did most of the damage in the marriage.

It's not unChristian to refuse to be friends with people who support infidelity. Surround yourself with people who will help and NOT talk about the affair or your husband.