I met M about 20 years ago and the moment we saw each other there was attraction. Since then our paths have crossed 5 times and one of us is on the wrong page when that happens. We have never lived in the same town so we never got the chance to experience life as a true couple. You never really know someone until you live with them. My marriage now is wonderful. My husband is a wonderful, kind and giving man. The attraction I have to M is something you only think exists in movies. He also knows me well too. He knows what to say and when to say it. Where to take me and when. We even finish each others sentences. I'm having a hard time because I will always wonder what it would have been like to try. I have never felt this way about anyone else. My issue is I have had to quit my job and apply for social security disability. It's been about 5 months and the process takes approximately 2 years. I have been to see M. I thought by getting answers to some questions I have had for so long might give me closure and the strength to move on. I got my answers but while we were together it was like we never missed a beat. It has been 8 years since I saw him last. My husband and I have been together for 5 years. Can anyone help me? My husband is wonderful and I don't want to hurt him. I wish I had a pause button so I could see what it would be like with M. I know that is selfish.

I am confused. When was the last time you saw this guy? Are you in touch with him now? Is he married?

Do you mean you JUST saw this man but it was 8 years from the last visit?

Yes it has been 8 years since I last saw him. I thought he was out of my system until he sent me a message through FACEBOOK and I think I stopped breathing when I saw it. I did meet up with him recently to chat about our past and found that the feelings and emotions are just as strong as the ever were.

Is he married too?

So you are starting an affair with this man, and you want to know what we think of that?

Pretty much - but it's not a great option for you either.

Window shopping time is over and if you turn into someone with no commitment, then you face of lifetime of being used.


You aren't a free woman who can pick and choose like a heroine in a bad novel.

Sorry but you will have considered that when you got married. You will have decided to put all former loves aside (especially one who was never around or suitable!).

It's wise to never have any contact at all with former loves because the whole 'movie love' delusion is very common. It's not real life, it's nostalgia. Wise people don't have such contact with old boyfriends - so why do you?

Tell your H you are tempted by this reappearance of a former lover so as to put temptation out of reach. He will be eternally grateful to you for showing you can come to him when his home threatened. As I would have been when my spouse put me through an affair. If only he had warned me so I could stop the greatest pain I have ever felt! Please don�t.

Logically - if this guy was the one, he would have made it happen. He's probably more interested in a bored wife than a free woman, and that is why you risk being used.

He never chose you, he never moved mountains to be near you, so don't lay a good marriage at his feet like a doormat.

No he is not married.

WE can help you with this. The first thing you should do is show your husband this thread. This is information about his life that is being wrongfully withheld from him. He has a right to know everything you do and say since it directly affects him. Apologize to him for your pursuit of an affair with M and end all contact for life. Make a commitment to yourself that you will never see or speak to this man again. Send him a no contact letter and change all of your contact information so he can't get through again.

You have no future with this dirtbag. Any man who trifles with a married woman is a dirtbag who does not care about you. He has no respect for you and is just using you as a cheap piece of fun. When a man hits on a married woman he is spitting in her face. You are just degrading yourself by pursuing this "relationship."

Let me paint a picture of your future if you pursue an affair with DB. Your husband will find out and he will tell his family and your family.. Since it is a short marriage with little investment, he will kick you to the curb. You will be penniless. The OM will dump you shortly thereafter because he is certainly not going to pursue a relationship with a cheater and a woman of ill repute.

In other words, the affair will ruin your life.

OR....you can go tell your husband the truth and show him this thread. Confess to him that you have pisspoor boundaries around men and take steps to affair proof your marriage.

I want to just stop and make it go away but the way I have always felt about him makes it hard.

Did you read my post?

Your husband can be instrumental in helping you "make it go away." He can run this piece of crap off.

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I will make sure to be honest with my husband and will cut off contact with DB. I appreciate your input.

Aside from your own moral dilemma about betraying a great guy whom you willingly decided to Marry, ask yourself the following question:

What is the character of a man who is knowingly pursuing the affections of A Married Woman?

What are your thoughts on that? Think as if you were giving your own daughter the advice.

LTL

Thanks. You are right. He didn't come after me and show me what he wanted.

Please do. I am very worried about you!

Logic has zero effect on the lovebank and this man may meet some key needs, in spite of being logically very silly.

So you will need to both 1) end all contact and 2) enlist your husband's help and protection.

Do let us know how you get on.

He has disrespected you in a horrible way.

Will you continue posting and keep us updated on what you have done to block further commincation from OM and when you have notified your H about this?

We can be your accountability partner and I am afraid if you disappear, you will slip further into the fog and make the biggest mistake of your life....

Further, girl1515, you can have this kind of attraction for YOUR HUSBAND. How to make this happen is available here at the Marriage Builders site. It is simple, but it is not easy to do.

Now, wouldn't THAT be the best possible outcome?

First steps: tell your husband, and never, ever have contact with Mr. Wrong for the rest of your life. He is dead to you.

Sounds like he is a keeper.

M is a fantasy...as you said you two were never a true couple so it is easy to feed the fantasy.


What does this have to do with anything?


Yes that would be selfish. You are no longer an available woman. You should inform your H about M and no longer have contact with M. A decent man would not be interested in putting the moves on a married woman. Protect your marriage...you made a vow to do that.

Thank you all for the support. This is my first experience with a forum of any kind. I wasn't sure what to expect. I will keep you informed.