Ty so much

Meanwhile gkumarswife, start here with a tad of reading info. I am making a link for you. Let us know what you think.

Marriage Builders Basic Concepts

I am unable to login with my own username. Says account not approved. Inspire of me receiving an email.

that's okay, you can keep posting here with gkumar's name until they finish the process. But to make it go faster, click the notify link at the bottom right of your last post. That way the moderator on duty will get your email and click the button to approve your account.

MrsGkumar,

I think you have to establish a baseline of truth in your marriage, your WH should write out a timeline of EVERYTHING he has done while married to your and even when dating.

Next get a polygraph, lie detector, test for your WH and then every 6 months get another. You have to destroy your WHs ability to live a secret second life, and he has to atone for his cheating sexual and financial.

God Bless
Gamma

Hi MrsGkumar, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. I want you to know that we can help you get what you want. If you want to leave the marriage, we will support you. No one would blame you a bit for leaving the marriage.

But if you want to save it, we could help you do that too. What we would do is walk you through a program that would completely affair proof your marriage. Your husbands' life would be so transparent that he couldn't hide an affair anymore. That would mean never spending the night apart again and going to work TOGETHER every day. You would have to have access to everything: his phones, email accounts, computers, bank accounts, etc. He should not have the ability to ever hide anything again because he would not be out of your sight.

Once your marriage is affair proofed, we would help you create a romantic, passionate marriage. We would show you how to bring the passion back to your marriage. Part of that would be eliminating toxic relatives from your lives. If your inlaws are not in support of your marriage, then they shouldn't be allowed in until they show you the RESPECT you deserve.

So you tell us what you want to do. We can help you go either way.

I would love to get a lie detector test on my husband. Does such a thing exist for people who r not criminals Can it be available in such a case. I had even mentioned to my husband I want this test. I want to work this marriage out but I had known so much and I had tried too and yet he lied. He is an expert liar. Has fooled the law and system so I am just his wife !!!! But I can read him now and he knows. But he is the type until he is not caught with a proof he will lie. And lie relentlessly. Time and again has looked me in the eye and said so so many lies. Now all of those and his actions ring in my head every second. Even when I am laughing and happy they r still ringing and when I am not happy and laughing with him I am crying. Because my tears don't stop. I fail to understand why this happened to me. I fail to see what I lacked. Why did he repeatedly let me slide like this. Why did he keep this marriage and not ask me to leave If I was not what he desired. I feel so sickened in my own body it's hard to explain. I hate what I see. I have lost my desire to live and I feel the need to live just because of my kids. Why did he not want me and so e trash who would drop her pants for a few pennies. I was loyal to him and yet he prefered trash. I want to work this for my kids but the pain is unbearable. I feel if I leave I will feel better not seeing him

If u r askinge to hand his fines to me his accounts etc I don't wish to live like a wife cop. Where I have to check everything. If I have to check means I can't trust him. So why am I in this relationship where I have to watch my back. I am confused.

How do I get a polygraph and a lie detector test

I can tell you why this happened. The reason is because we are all tempted to have affairs under certain circumstances. Your H is tempted when he travels. Another terrible thing that happened to your marriage was his use of porn and prostitutes. All this time you have been competing against 18 year old porn stars and skanks at his workplace.

What we would help you do is shut down this competition and create an affair SAFE, passionate, intimate marriage.

You are devastated today, like we once were, but you won't feel devastated when this bad marriage is replaced by a great marriage.

My husband and I have complete transparency and access to each others email, phone and bank accounts. We do not feel like "cops;" we feel like married people. That is what people in good, healthy marriages do. It is not healthy to have blind trust in your marriage. IT LEADS TO AFFAIRS!!

And of course you can't trust him. It was too much trust that wrecked your marriage. It is not a lack of trust that destroys marriages, but a lack of boundaries.

MrsGkumar, yes a lie detector test can be performed on anyone.

When the two of you learn to follow marriage builders, you will both learn to have radical honesty with the other, and then the relentless lies will not even be an option.

We do understand how sickened that you feel in your own body. Actually, you put it PERFECTLY. Many of us, including me, have been there. HUGS to you.

Once we learn the Marriage Builder concepts, we see that we are not living like a wife cop. BOTH spouses WISH to live like this! It is actually very healthy for the marriage, and the way that we should have been living all along.

You do not have to stay in this relationship if you choose not to. No one will fault you for choosing to walk away. But if you DO wish to stay, and as long as your husband will choose to work with you�together the two of you CAN create a wonderful marriage (that will be affair proof).

I even watched porn with him. In my initial years of marriage he would ask me to watch porn before he made love to me. Now I see why. Because I didn't measure up to them. I watched it to make him happy. But I didn't realize that porn is what turned him on. He never expressed anything to me or else I would try to change. I am broken in myself. I can never be like a prostitute. Yet in anger he called me a whore. I didn't sleep around with his friends. Or flirted with them. Yet I repeatedly got called a whore. It has all broken me.

Who does?? Do you know very many women who "measure up" to an 18 year old porn star? Well, that is what you did when watched porn with him. You helped fuel a competition that should have been long gone. That also kept your husband obsessed with weird sex with other people which influenced his decisions to seek affairs and see prostitutes.

All he needed was the opportunity and he gained that by traveling around and by hiring females so he could use his power to exploit them for sex.


We can help you fix yourself by creating a passionate romantic marriage for you.

We can help you so that you no longer feel broken in yourself, whether you choose to stay or go.

Melody is right, NO ONE could compete with the contrast effect from watching porn, even a 16 year old couldn't compete with an 18 year old porn star, because they are all made up!

While I agree, that is very hurtful, it has nothing to do with your own self worth. We can help both you and your husband to learn to value each other first from here on out.

How can u help. What do I do. Pls can u post on my profile ie gkumarswife username so I can access it there on

gkumarswife, we cannot set up your username, the moderators have to do that, but they WILL.

It's just that we are all volunteers here, so maybe they are having dinner or otherwise busy right now, but they do work fast. You will have your username accepted and all set up soon, I am sure of it.

Glad you asked how we can help�

the first thing that we can do is to show you how to recover from an affair(s). Whether you choose to stay in your marriage or not! Many of us have experienced the pain and agony for ourselves, and so we can offer our hope and our guidance with learning to follow the Marriage Builders program.

Did you have a read at that link that I sent that outlined the Basic Concepts? If not, read those now and start with any questions that you have. I'm thinking especially hone in on the independent behavior and radical honesty. Tell us what you think.

Ask away, and we'll do our best to offer some hope and experience! This is YOUR recovery (if you choose), so we want to be guided by you.

gkmumarswife, you can sign out as gkumar and sign back in under your own name.

Yes I am here

Yes I read your link. Thanks.