Melody lane. I don't want a dog on a leash. I want a husband. This feels like a dog on leash.

I want to be able to trust him. Can u know what goes on his mind. All tht he has done was beyond what I had imagined ever.

Feelings are not truth. I want you to have a happy, romantic, integrated marriage.

And people in hell want ice water. You should have never trusted him in the first place. That is why you are in this horrible place.

I shouldn't have trusted him. But I did what a wife does. Trusts her husband. When I saw the alarm bells I repeatedly told him I knew he was lusting her or when he took five Vegas trips in two years. That it was whores. He still kept at it. What can I do. Walk away. Now I am wanting to cause I can't bear this anymore

Your husband is a serial cheater. If you want to have a safe marriage with him, you will have to resign yourself to the fact that you need to be with him 24/7. That means you go to work together every day and you don't spend the nights apart again.

You can no longer have separate lives. You must create a completely integrated lifestyle if you expect to recover. If you won't do that, then you are wasting your time.

Living like that is not being a "dog on leash" unless you consider being around you to be a prison sentence. If being with you is a prison sentence then that speaks to a marriage problem that needs to be overcome.

Have you learned your lesson?

He has zero ability to tolerate my this phase when I feel down and upset. Says stop this mockery to which I cursed him. Off. Says I have been cursing him. I asked howwwwwww. He actually says cause u call me a liar and I am no longer a liar. So now I can't call him a liar. I don't think I want to work this.

Do you think that will make you more attractive to him?

No. But. What do I do. It's like I have no right to show him how I feel

Right now after thirteen years of marriage I was not attractive. Why I will be now. So why do I try melody. Why should I try. Isn't it his turn to make him more attractive to me. Why should I even try

I thought you wanted him to be attracted to you? Didn't you tell me this?

MrsG, you must stop fighting with him now. This will not work if you don't stop it. GEt all of your answers about the affair and then have him take the polygraph. After that, the affairs should not be brought up again.

But you have to stop fighting.

Mrs. gkumars Wife,

Just so you comprehend, this Marriage Builders program CAN work for the two of you to create a fully integrated and romantic, yet transparent affair proof marriage.

But,.....

You have a seemingly lifelong lying and manipulative serial cheating husband to attempt to reconcile with.

The truth is, that even the Wayward Spouses who previously had high standards and morals get so caught up in the narcissistic fantasy of an affair, that even in the best of circumstances, it is a long arduous task to attempt to reel the wayward spouse back in.

Your situation, with not only the abhorrent affairs, but the added on liabilities of porn usage and prostitutes complicate the situation even more.

For any successful reconciliation to achieve the desired type of marriage lifestyle that is promoted on this site, your husband will have to eventually follow ALL of the suggestions contained and spelled out precisely following Dr. Harleys proven techniques and relayed by the knowledgeable veteran posters her, your husband should willingly jump through any hoops suggested.

HE IS NOT AT THAT POINT YET..... OBVIOUSLY.

But, if you are willing to follow the suggestions made to You directly, you can logically determine how long, or even IF you want to try to give this program a go, just to know you tried everything possible.

If his attitude and behavior does not demonstrably change for the better, you will certainly be given loving and caring guidance on how to maintain or reestablish your own sense of self esteem and emotional sanity.

Today and for the near forthcoming future, your wounds and trauma are way too devastatingly fresh to make a lifetime decision for good, so let the veteran posters guide you to achieving less emotional upheaval, so that a proper and logical decision can be arrived at by you, for you.

Please realize that you are a worthwhile person and deserve your dignity to be restored, regardless of the person you are married to.

It is confusing as all Heck and dizzying and painful, almost like having an out of body experience, not believing that this actually could be happening to you.

We understand!!!

LTL

Melody I M not fighting. But when he gets upset because I am upset doesn't help me. Then blames me if I bring anything up. He calls it the past. But this is my whole life. How will I not bring it up. His lies and manipulation sir not limited to a whore or an escort it's in business in relations. Every aspect. I want robe attractive but not at. Price of not showing the real me and faking it.
Learned toolate@ I am eager to hear everything u suggest. Pls help me. Yes it feels like this can't be happening to me. We were near the society an extremely lucky couple. But that was so fake. Cause I don't even have a half way average marriage. It's all a lie

MrsG, you should get all of the truth out about the affair, get him to pass a polygraph and never bring it up again. Bringing it up over and over again will make you sick and will keep you both miserable. It will feel fake at first but that is ok.

Why not start typing your questions out on a piece of paper for him to answer as I suggested above?

Have him answer. Then give same to polygraph ? I will do that.

Did you read my previous post about this?

Yes. But was confused hence asked again

Oh good!