Humongous hugs to you. I am so sorry. But I am also glad that you set up a good snooping system so that you caught it right away.

If your mind is made up, we totally understand. We also totally support your decision, and if you wish to stay in touch here after you return to India, we can also help you with moving on to your new life.

You still need to do a full blown exposure. I know that your families know, but how about the OWs parents, friends and family? Your husband's friends and work associates? Even if you are divorcing, exposure stands a chance of killing the A in its tracks so that perhaps your children can grow up without a foggy wayward as a father.

However, if you are by chance still contemplating your decision, I can throw out the following (please IGNORE and don't read if your mind is made up).

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This is why we kept asking about what EPs he had put into place to guarantee no contact. As LWFH pointed out to me in my own thread, it is a difficult thing for the wayward to go through withdrawal LOGICALLY and avoid caving in to their urges, because they are thinking EMOTIONALLY (foggy) during this time.

Extraordinary precautions have to be put into place for life.

My previously wayward H also had contact. I had six months of what we call a false recovery. Many of us here have had it, yet we still went on to begin true recovery. When we spoke with Dr. and Joyce Harley, they both assured me that it was almost "normal" with a wayward who had been so addicted (not acceptable though! and thus the extreme EPs that are necessary), and that if we BOTH wanted to make the (uphill) effort to restore our marriage, it was still possible.

That was why I pointed out to you early on that yes, if it takes following the wayward into the bathroom, then that is what you do.

My H desperately wanted to re-claim his life with me, but it took extraordinary measures to achieve his return to an honest life. Our EPs will have to be in place for life, because his A did not die a natural death, and thus the skank's LB balance with my husband is still positive. Barf, I know, but it is what it is.

The DIFFERENCE that I see though between you and I, is that my H told me the truth once he was nailed to the wall with obvious evidence. It is very telling to me that your H's response was to deny his very own voice on a recording, and then go to immediately delete his Facebook contacts.

Your husband is a serial cheater. The recovery path for a "normal" affair is slim and must be followed exactly to have a hope for recovery. The recovery path for a serial cheater is even slimmer, and so extra EPs have to be in place.

Even if you WEREN'T saying that you wanted divorce, I do think that Dr. Harley would recommend immediate Plan B. With your staying in the family home. With your H still supporting the family. And your refusing to have any more contact with your husband unless he were to meet every one of your requirements for recovery.

Have you had a response yet to the email that you sent to Dr. Harley?

Exactly what Blindsighted said, GKWife...

I am sorry to hear that your H is still talking to the OW. EPs are extremely important after any affair, but with your H's lifestyle of cheating and dishonesty, EPs and a complete overhaul of the lifestyle and habits to eliminate every single condition of the cheating and dishonesty is necessary.

Expose and go into Plan B. I would expose his affair everywhere you can. Let people know exactly what your H has done and is doing. There are many people who will not do business with a cheater and would appreciate the knowledge.

Your H is making a big mistake that is going to lead him down a path of misery.

How was contact made and who initiated it?

Did you have your husband change his phone number on his cell phone and delete his e-mail account?

This planet survived before the advent of FaceBook and it is not a necessity of life. FB is very dangerous to marriages.

I wish you well in your travels back to India.

If you do decide to Plan B your husband, then you should get an IM to filter his messages and that IM should only relay pertinent information about the children and finances.

Also, you may want to consider meeting with an attorney to see what complications will be added to a Divorce if you move out of the country.

LTL

I am finally home in India. I am avoiding all contacts with that serial cheater. He has devastated me. Yes I want to expose his keep in every way. Any suggestions how I can. I have her residential address and a vague idea of where she works. When I told my husband to do so he denies it very smArtly first says doesn't know where she works then says won't talk to her etc. I need to move on. But I definitely want her exposed. He exposed himself on fb. But I feel more humiliated so I hid his post. As my extended family still doesn't know. But yes I want to expose this whole wrecker. Help me give me suggestions how I can do that. Legally.

Your entire family should know about your H's affairs and dishonesty. He's the one who should be feeling humiliation, not you. Don't cover it up for him. His friends and business associates need to know as well. They need to know about your H's current affair partner as well.

In the USA, truth is a defense for libel. You can expose the truth, and you can't be sued for it. I don't know what the law is in India. But since he's in the US, you can expose on cheaterville.com, hesacheater.com and shesahomewrecker.com. To make your exposure strong, post your proof - any emails, photos, recordings that you have.

Read up on Plan B. If you never want to recover your marriage, you should still go into Plan B and have no contact again with your H. You would use an IM to pass along relevant info regarding finances and child visitation.

No contact means that you also avoid talking about him. Talking about the tragic past will keep it alive and make your present miserable.

Expose wide and far. Read here on Plan B. Make sure you are protected financially.

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through.

Where can I read on plan b

I tried exposing her. My h who can is avoiding doing so. I just feel broken. Like my soul has been crushed. He is crying near people like he has done all along and giving an oscar winning performance about how regretful he is or wants people to believe. I am just fed up of my life

Here you go.
How to Plan B Correctly

Really important that you expose. You must be calm and efficient about this. Get the support of your family first. At all costs avoid looking like a crazy spouse. Target the people you need to reach and state only facts that you can support.

The reason for exposure is that otherwise people will believe his oscar winning performance.