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LTL

Unfortunately that will not be enough. No matter how pure the motivations, now matter how wise a person is to the dangers, there are some conditions under which all of us can be trusted, and some conditions under which nobody can be trusted. The conditions that led to your affair have got to be changed. Otherwise the danger of a repeat affair is too great. Your husband will never heal, and neither will you.


No matter what his explanation, retaining the conditions that led to an affair is incredibly risky. Among other problems, it will tend to make him a nervous wreck.

I totally agree I am dropping my fall classes at this small, local, branch and going to the main campus as of now. It is basically like a different college in our state, just diff branches far apart in rural areas of Ohio. I haven't done it yet online but I will this week.

Thank you!!!

I think you all have AMAZING skills in marriage, but as of this moment I can not give up school and my husband does not want me to. I know you don't think much of me, but I feel am very, very talented in this field and I get top grades. I study constantly, work and take care of our kids. He works his butt off too. We are both very strong. He sees that and knows I will be great at this and sees my grades. He has told before he can't believe the amount of information I retain and how well I do with almost no sleep.
This is by 2nd degree. I am driven and motivated and one of the hardest workers you will ever meet. I know you will prob right back and tell me that doesn't matter etc but I want to put out there I'm not a total piece of crap.

and no not just grades with this prof as you might reply. I get A's in all of my classes and one B in two semesters when I was sleeping 3-4 hours a night.

PS I a have a bachelors in exercise science, I am a PT and I am studying nursig right now. My classes are mainly biochemistry, anatomy and so on.

You may be talented but nursing is a disastrous career in terms of maintaining an affair-proof marriage. I work in emergency services and if I had a nickel for every nurse who fell for a smooth talking cop or doctor? You work hard but ultimately you've indicated that your marriage and family doesn't come first.

This is one of the reasons your marriage is on the skids: you put your career goals before your marriage. You can see how well that has worked out for you and your husband and your children. Your marriage is almost destroyed. And you can complete the destruction if you don't wake up and understand that your little career goals cannot EVER AGAIN take priority over your children or your marriage.

Marcos is exactly right, this is the environment that led to your affair and I don't see what is different. You have lousy boundaries around men and don't seem to comprehend that when a man comes onto a married woman, he has essentially told her he she is a brazen ho. It is the greatest INSULT a man can pay a married woman. I feel like slapping the hell out of such men, so I don't know why it was endearing to you.

You and your husband need to consult with Dr Harley about the future of your schooling before you go forward. Just because you and him "agree" to something does not mean it is good for your marriage. You and your H are the last people who are qualified to make such a determination since you two have wrecked your marriage.

Just curious...why do you need a nursing degree if you are a practicing PT? PTs make great money! I guess I'm just curious as to why this is necessary at this point in time especially if your marriage is suffering?

Another issue is that she believes she is being complimented when a man makes a pass at her. She doesn't understand she is being insulted.

I am a personal trainer, sorry should have typed that out. To be honest with you I am the one who made the pass. He didn't at all. I was lonely and we speak the same language.
He is a DR, and MD and just teaches part time.
I want to work on my marriage and not fall for some degree and think that makes a good relationship. I am around men all the time and I been faithful to H for 5 years.

Also I have not worked much for 2 years because I was really sick with the twins and my job market in fitness is crappy for steady jobs. If you think I should not go back to college, should my husband do it or get a better paying job? Are you all getting how broke we are and how I am trying to better us? I feel like I'm being ignored because I'm a cheater.

You have been "faithful" until the right guy came along. The "right guy" can come along again. It is like playing Russian roulette, eventually you get the bullet. This dirtbag had an affair with you, which means he does not think much of you. He has insulted you in the worst possible manner. I am sorry to hear you "speak the same language" which is the language of deceit, degradation and adultery. Nothing special about that. If he had any respect for you at all, this would not have happened.


And that is what needs to change.

Did I reply to this? I am a personal trainer.

Your goal of "bettering" yourselves has about destroyed your marriage and your children's family. Do you not see that? Much more of your "bettering" might land you in divorce court or jail!

You are not being ignored at all. Many people here are taking their own valuable time to try and help you fix the mess you made.

And yes, Dr Harley might suggest that your husband get a better paying job and/or go back to school. You don't do well in school, after all!

I meant same language as in medical terms. I think the bashing has to stop now. I am here to get help. We are literally weeks away from divorce so yes I see that. I also see that affairs are insulting and I need to work on my self esteem and boundaries. People learn in different ways and I usually learn the hard way.

Sorry...thought you meant Physical Therapist.

I appreciate all of your time. I am trying my best right now and maybe it's not enough I am not sure.

I am sure you could have "amazing skills" at something that will not destroy your life, can't you? You seem like a smart girl. Cant you figure out something that would ENHANCE the lives of yourself, your husband and your children, instead of destroying it?

Your marriage is on the rocks. The most fundamentally important thing to your children is your marriage. The most fundamentally imprtnat thing to your own quality of life is your marriage. Your marriage is their LIFE. Your quality of life is very contingent upon your MARRIAGE, not some little job.

Why not put your marriage FIRST?

Dr Harley wrote this recently to someone in the same boat as you: