|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
I just want to be clear...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I TOTALLY agree with the $ thing. Which is why I didn't marry someone who made more $ or had a degree. I married who I loved and thought would fit with me best. But there is something to be said for not scraping by each month and paying of student loans. Yes, I know and I agree. But you need to brainstorm and find a better way. This is not as black and white as you seem to think. If you want to improve your living standard, find something that does not require you to go back to school. And don't tell me you can't, because I know different. I have been a recruiter for fortune 500 companies since 1993. Surely you can see that chasing the almighty buck isn't too grand when you destroy your marriage and your quality of life, right? Making more money is wonderful when you put your marriage FIRST, though. In all things, ask yourself: does this complement my marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
You ruined your study course by having an affair! Did you not consider that beforehand?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
So are you all saying unless I quit school and change my career you don't want to give us advice? It takes 25 hours a week to repay the IMMENSE pain you have caused your H. It truly is the worst thing any of us here have ever experienced (including child sexual abuse victims) and you talk about it like it is toothache. Do you think you can do that AND go to school?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
You can have a GREAT CAREER, and a GREAT MARRIAGE if you look for careers that complement your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
I also have a question, does the fact I came to my H and told him about how I kissed this prof and talked to him after class mean nothing? Just curious. He can verify that.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I also have a question, does the fact I came to my H and told him about how I kissed this prof and talked to him after class mean nothing? Just curious. He can verify that. Can you explain what your thinking was when you told him? What was your idea? Had you ended your affair at that point?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
WE have no idea what you are responding TO. Please use the quote function.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
I also have a question, does the fact I came to my H and told him about how I kissed this prof and talked to him after class mean nothing? Just curious. He can verify that. Can you explain what your thinking was when you told him? What was your idea? Had you ended your affair at that point? I thought we could work on our marriage yes it was 2 weeks after school let out...or about 2-3 weeks. I wanted to be totally open and felt like he was worried.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
WE have no idea what you are responding TO. Please use the quote function. sorry will do!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
WE have no idea what you are responding TO. Please use the quote function. I was also feeling very lonely and wanted him to know that I wasn't happy. Maybe it was wrong to even tell him. I think that often now.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I also have a question, does the fact I came to my H and told him about how I kissed this prof and talked to him after class mean nothing? Just curious. He can verify that. It may mean he is somewhat less likely to divorce you, you'd have to ask him. However he cannot control the recovery conditions any more than you can. Unless you change the circumstances which led to the first affair you will have another. If you don't care much about the pain inflicted by returning to affair-land daily, you will definitely have another because you are careless. I must say you don't seem to be taking this seriously. If I were your spouse I'd be reaching for the divorce lawyer's phone numbers and getting it priced up. You seem to think you can confess and say 'My bad, I'm sorry' as though it isn't a serious matter - It doesn't mitigate the pain caused at all. Only work and effort will do that. Your spouse will also have to suffer financial hardship because of what you have done and how you have ruined your study course. It will be harder for him because he is blameless.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
WE have no idea what you are responding TO. Please use the quote function. I was also feeling very lonely and wanted him to know that I wasn't happy. Maybe it was wrong to even tell him. I think that often now. it really sounds to me like you want to get off scot free and pay no consequences. Worse, you BLAME your victim. Disgusting. I don't see how you can be trusted to avoid another affair if you maintain this attitude.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433 |
I also have a question, does the fact I came to my H and told him about how I kissed this prof and talked to him after class mean nothing? Just curious. He can verify that. What do you think it should count for? Infidelity is the absolute worst thing you can possibly do to your spouse. It is as inconsiderate an act as possible. So you had the consideration to tell him that you have been abominably inconsiderate. What does that mean? What you owe your husband is Just Compensation. Coming clean with the truth is only a piece of JC. You must also commit to a program of recovery.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
WE have no idea what you are responding TO. Please use the quote function. I was also feeling very lonely and wanted him to know that I wasn't happy. Maybe it was wrong to even tell him. I think that often now. it really sounds to me like you want to get off scot free and pay no consequences. Worse, you BLAME your victim. Disgusting. I don't see how you can be trusted to avoid another affair if you maintain this attitude. Indie girl that is so not true at all. I wish you would read both our threads.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
I also have a question, does the fact I came to my H and told him about how I kissed this prof and talked to him after class mean nothing? Just curious. He can verify that. What do you think it should count for? Infidelity is the absolute worst thing you can possibly do to your spouse. It is as inconsiderate an act as possible. So you had the consideration to tell him that you have been abominably inconsiderate. What does that mean? I have comitted, please read! What you owe your husband is Just Compensation. Coming clean with the truth is only a piece of JC. You must also commit to a program of recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
WE have no idea what you are responding TO. Please use the quote function. I was also feeling very lonely and wanted him to know that I wasn't happy. Maybe it was wrong to even tell him. I think that often now. it really sounds to me like you want to get off scot free and pay no consequences. Worse, you BLAME your victim. Disgusting. I don't see how you can be trusted to avoid another affair if you maintain this attitude. You didn't tell him the truth so you could recover. You said: "Look what you made me do" - It was just a way to blame him. If I had a friend I wasn't getting along with, stabbing her in the back wouldn't help anyone and would be indefensible. Telling her later on 'Hey, I'm the one who stabbed you in the back' would make me honest but i wouldn't make me any more honourable or off the hook! I would need to pay her medical bills, help care for her recovery and take anger management before she could trust me again. If I dared suggest it was her fault in any way she would be better off far away from me.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 84 |
I also have a question, does the fact I came to my H and told him about how I kissed this prof and talked to him after class mean nothing? Just curious. He can verify that. It may mean he is somewhat less likely to divorce you, you'd have to ask him. However he cannot control the recovery conditions any more than you can. Unless you change the circumstances which led to the first affair you will have another. If you don't care much about the pain inflicted by returning to affair-land daily, you will definitely have another because you are careless. I must say you don't seem to be taking this seriously. If I were your spouse I'd be reaching for the divorce lawyer's phone numbers and getting it priced up. You seem to think you can confess and say 'My bad, I'm sorry' as though it isn't a serious matter - It doesn't mitigate the pain caused at all. Only work and effort will do that. Your spouse will also have to suffer financial hardship because of what you have done and how you have ruined your study course. It will be harder for him because he is blameless. Also if my husband divorces me that his choice, I can see why either of us would. I'd like some finality to this to be honest.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433 |
I also have a question, does the fact I came to my H and told him about how I kissed this prof and talked to him after class mean nothing? Just curious. He can verify that. What do you think it should count for? Infidelity is the absolute worst thing you can possibly do to your spouse. It is as inconsiderate an act as possible. So you had the consideration to tell him that you have been abominably inconsiderate. What does that mean? I have comitted, please read! What you owe your husband is Just Compensation. Coming clean with the truth is only a piece of JC. You must also commit to a program of recovery. I have read. Talk is cheap. Actions are what is required here.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
401
guests, and
253
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,627
Posts2,323,542
Members72,116
| |
Most Online8,273
Aug 17th, 2025
|
|
|
|
