The consensus was between myself , Steve and my husband. I am not going to keep the affair a secret.

So you will be exposing? And to whom?

Well you seem all set then and shouldn't be having any problems.

However I don't think that's really the case is it?

Hi ,
Well we had the reveal everything talk today(, that's if I can believe him ). This has been going on since 2008 with numerous OW, 1 one night stand , numerous flirtatious encounters , 2 others , one with 2 sexual encounters and one with 3 sexual encounters , internet porn, one romantic infidelity that seems to be the one that is the most problematic for my WS and has lasted the longest for my WS.
So looks like total= 4 OW that included sex.
The 3 most current have all been going on simultaneously over the last 10 months . Also WS is an alcoholic addict, ( I think I said this before) and he has been drinking and using on and off since 2008, some of the using ,I was aware of some not.
Needless to say this was very hard to hear , although I already knew some of it because we've been talking prior to today, But I was truly blindsided when I found that first email on D-Day. I feel like such an idiot.
So my issues are these,
We moved here in 2007
Exposure,
I think it will be easiest for me to send out a mass email. I have a lot of close friends here where I live. They are all worried sick about me right now because I have basically fallen off the face of the earth.
From what I've read on these discussion boards I'm supposed to come from a position of strength, I don't think I could do that in person. I'd be a blubbering idiot.
Our parents are old in their 80's and not well, my Mom is a widow, should I tell them? My sister in law thinks it will kill my mother in law( her words)? However my mother in law has been one of my best friends for over 30 years and my WS really respects her.
My friends are going to be pissed, I've been through a lot in the last 2 &1/2 years (breast cancer) I'm not sure how supportive they will be of my desire to stay with my WS and recover our marriage.
We have discussed moving back closer to family prior to today , I actually even brought it up before D-Day
. How soon should we do this, it couldn't be soon enough for me. Should I push it? All these bad things happened after we moved to this place and my husband became involved in activities that were increasingly difficult for me to be a part of. He also loves those activities . They are a HUGE part of the way of life here and really play to his ego. We were separated a lot . I can see that has to change somehow.No matter where we live.
He likes the idea of moving somewhat ( he says) but is somewhat reluctant, he has started an alcohol treatment program here has an AA sponsor he likes etc.He says he doesn't want to move to run away.
WS brought some of these women into my home and 1 lives part time in our building.
I don't know if I can handle that and live here knowing all 3 of them live here and this is a small town.
The chances of running into them are extremely high.

I have to give WS credit , so far he has done everything asked of him.
No contact letters
Given me passwords
Texting me regularly , if he's gone
Starting alcohol treatment
Going to AA
Meeting with his sponsor

There are other issues too, I'm still not sure WS is going to stay with me. Deep down I think maybe the discussion of moving could be a way to placate me . I know he is afraid if we don't stay together his business could be ruined because people will see him for what he is even more so than they will now, because I would tell them ( he thinks I would try to destroy him).
This is a long post .
So what do you think of all that?

I sent the exposure email, WS is very upset

Sister in law called my Husband ( her brother) and expressed how upset she was that I sent such an email, that was a REAL bummer , as she was one of the few people I had been talking to so she already knew and it made my husband even more upset than he already was. I didn't include the elderly parents . With the exception of sister in laws reaction, everyone else so far has responded in the best way possible , shocked and saddened of course, but willing to do whatever we need to support us in working on our marriage. Husband is basically not speaking to me but he has not walked out. He seemed so shocked, even though we did discuss me telling my friends and family who have been so worried about me. What he seems to object to most is that I named the OW. ( plural)Now that also sucks,he seems more concerned about their feelings than mine and has temporarily forgotten that I'm the injured party here.
Also he thought we should have agreed on the content first.
He has asked for a list of who I sent it to, and I think I might as well just send him a copy of the email too, seems like we should just get all of this crap over with and see if we can move on.
Struggling tonight

I would tell him that you really need to see a bit more remorse if he expects you to be impressed. His attitude is discouraging to you.

If anyone criticises exposure, just shrug. It's not their ox getting gored.

He's got some choices to make. It may take some time. I can't remember hearing about a WS who took exposure well.

The important thing is that he knows you still love him and that you have used exposure as a tool to protect the marriage you hold dearly and sacredly.

Give him some time, and continue to Plan A.

Thanks indiegirl and justthe3ofus , I will remind him I still love him and used exposure as a tool to protect the marriage , if he will talk to me. And I will also tell him his attitude is discouraging. If he will talk to me.
Woke up this am to find him on the couch. I actually thought he might be gone. He is more blown away than I am , considering I got the radical honesty talk yesterday which I thought I handled pretty well, the emotions seem so reversed to me. So out of proportion. Is this normal?

I found 1 of the 3 women on FB , I'm not sure what to say to her in a PM , without sounding threatening, but I want her to know that I know and to stay away, she is the one that lives part time in my building any suggestions?
Also any thoughts on my longer post above?

I'm pretty sure he's leaving and he says he's done, he didn't think I would expose him like that and I'm praying god takes my love for him away .

Just hang tight and stay calm. Make sure you aren't love busting. Lots of unfaithful spouses get upset with exposure. They don't like their friends and family to know the destructive things they've been doing. But you've done the right thing in exposing his affairs. Most of the folks will give you much-needed emotional support. He will now have accountability and also see his deeds through the eyes of others.

Many WSs threaten divorce and to leave, but for many, it's no more than a threat.

Zo,
Just as LWFH said. His reaction is to be expected. Happens almost every time, in fact. Give him time to get over it and as LWFH said, no love busters. In fact, even if you have to throw up in your mouth a little, try and make some love bank deposits. As hard as it is right now, show him you care and love him.

Regarding the other woman, the best thing you can do is expose her affair to her friends on Facebook. This way she will know you mean business and she will likely stay away from your husband. You will also be doing a big favor to her friends who are married. They will know to be very careful around this home wrecker.

Are any of the OW married?

You need to watch his actions, not his words.

Has he been tested for STD/I? Have you been?

So who all did you expose? Anyone on any of the OW's sides?

Are you on any antidepressants?

Will you email Dr. Harley?

He cheated on you and is the one who should be hoping you come around! Keep that bar high. If he is not hat in hand remorseful, willing to own his faults and apologise sincerely to all, than he isn't worth your worry.

If he doesn't straighten up and fly right he can sulk in Plan B.

What about sex? He wants it and I've been complying cause it's comforting to me , but then I'm crushed the next day, when he tells me he's not sure
I've exposed to my friends and family, and I named all the OW. I haven't been able to track down 2 of the other women's family contacts , but it will probably get around this is a small town
Thanks so much all of you for your responses, you have NO idea how much it helps

You're doing good work, z! Be firm in setting the conditions for recovery. You've got a tough situation on your hands with a serial cheater. Be good to yourself as you go through this. You need time to let this all sink in a little.

He should be anxious to prove that he's ready to change. Have conditions and stick to them. Don't want the relationship over your own mental health.

Lots of BS's have used SF to Plan A very effectively and to make their spouse miss them in Plan B. However it's not really necessary (unless you want to) and you have to consider STDs and also the emotional fallout, as you are discovering.

Personally I think it is still meeting the SF need if you dress sexy and talk about how much sex you are going to have AFTER all the recovery conditions are done and his attitude is right. Then if you go Plan B, they are still very much aware that they are missing out on your offer of great sex in Plan B.

I don't think you can beat the approach of... wearing nothing but his shirt and red lipstick and saying how much you are looking forward to SF once you can trust him again.

I've heard Dr. Harley talking about sex during Plan A on his radio show. He says it's up to the betrayed spouse. If you WANT to, then go ahead, but be careful because of STDs.

If you don't want to, because of how hurt you feel afterward, then let him know that you are willing to work on mutual meeting of needs when the affair is over and he is committed to working on recovery.

It's your choice.

Thanks, indigirl, LongWayFromHome and zibbles. These opinions help a lot. The newest thing is he wants a few days "off" to think. He wants to go see his folks in another state , he doesnt want me to go with him. Steve doesn't think its a good idea for us to be separated right now but Im starting to feel like , just go if thats what he wants, and Im not sure I could really stop him anyway .
His parents dont know whats happened, and he will have to tell them.
Brainhurts, I am getting a full STD panel, and an HIV test, also I am not on antidepressants yet, we've talked about it (my doc and I). If i am to look at his actions, and not his words then I would have to say he is doing most of the things he is supposed to do. I would love to email Dr Harley, would you help me clarify, what I should say?
I guess my main issue is I want to recover my marriage in spite of everything thats happened. My husband is not "in" 100% , and its crushing me each day he tells me the things that make me feel this. He resents me HUGELY for the exposure e-mail, and Im not sure he can get over that. I still love him, is there something wrong with me? Should I just let him go and do whatever it is he wants to do, spend time alone, think whatever??? My fear is that would be the end and Im not sure Im ready for that. Ive read here and on other websites, you cant work on a relationship if you are not together. But maybe he just doesn't love me anymore. Its been a little over 2 weeks since D-Day .
Thanks