I would put moving on the very front burner because you will not be able to really start recovery until you are away from all the triggers. So be brainstorming ways to make it happen ASAP.

In the meantime, be sure to go out on 4 dates a week with your husband. Make it the best time of the week.

How much UA time are you getting?

Our UA time was down due to health issues, but we usually have 6 hours during the week and 6-8 more hours during the weekend.

Sometimes I stay home for a day to up our UA time, did that last week.

What do you teach?

Can you do something short term not related to colleges? Consultancy work or temping?

How?

Triggers are not something to manage; triggers are something to avoid. As long as you are in the "managing" mode, you are still experiencing the effects of the trigger. All "managing" is comes down to an attempt to control your response to a stimulus. Dr. Harley will tell you that it is far easier to control the stimulus than it is to control your reaction to it. Exposure to the campus weakens you. You can not afford that.

Please don't deceive yourself into believing that staying on campus is a manageable trigger. It is not. You have to get out of there.

I teach biology, we have actually thought of opening a consulting agency together. But we are deep in debt right now,and that has stopped us.

Our house is on the market right now, not the one where we live in right now. If the sell does happen it will free us and we can have a better horizon.

You are completely right. I have learned to "control" my reaction in ordinary days. ButI have had instances where everything fails and even a little change in campus makes me feel low. A few months ago, my older girl had a day off at school. She wanted to come to work with me, she was excited to go to mom's work. I didn't think anything of it, until I actually turned the engine off of my car in the parking lot. All I can say is that it was a terrible day.

Have you listened to these clips from Dr. Harley on how to deal with triggers?
Dr. Harley on How to Deal with Triggers

Thanks Brainhurts!! You are always so helpful!!

You're very welcome.

Tell us what you think after you listen. Also, if you don't feel they answer your question you can always email Dr. Harley.

Well, I think that I have learned to "manage" everyday triggers, like campus. I even think H is an every day trigger, don't you think. Some times, looking at me in the mirror is a trigger. Heck, at some point I forgot how old my little babe was, and finally I realized it was because I didn't want to count past those months. So even looking at my babe's pics is a trigger sometimes.

But as I said I learned to manage those. I choose to think something else. When it gets harder I have a little mantra that I repeat over and over until the triger vanishes.

I do noticed that I'm particularly vulnerable to those tirggers when our UA time is low.

Now, special trigers, is something else. They take me off guard, I usually don't see them coming and they hit me hard.

This weekend we had to go to an event in the vecinity of OW area, we POJAd either going or not. We decided to go but take a longer route to avoid certain areas. Turns out they had construction and we had to take another route, it was hard.

What I take from those clips is to up our UA time, not only in time but in quality. I guess I also need to remember that our recovery is still on its way, I don't have to take it for granted.

You hit right on what is very important. How much UA do you have scheduled for this week?

we have 12 hours scheduled out of the house, but we usually spend at least 5 hours per week after the kids are in bed fullfiling ENs

When I was at the point you are at, a single trigger would mess me up for days. I suspect with the frequency you are experiencing triggers, you are always under their influence.

Your spouse seems like a trigger now, but once you get away from the others, he won't seem like one anymore.

This is not going to work long term.
The only way you are going to fully recover is if you get away from those things that trigger you to think of the affair. You must stop thinking of the affair, and you can't do it if you are being triggered on a regular basis. Forcing yourself to think of something else doesn't change the fact that you were triggered. It's the TRIGGER that needs to be stopped, not the feelings that follow it.

Bump that up to 16 hours out of the house.
What do you do during this time?

Kids wiil be on summer camp soon, and that will make it easier.

We probably spent half of it at a cafe, either reading, playing board games or just chatting. We also go to a bowling place, its fun.

Anyone else having trouble with the rebroadcast, is not running for me today. It starts with the music, but after one or two seconds all I can hear is static.

It depends on exactly how you access the show, but I am certain one is playing. It is actually a "best of" replay from October 1, 2013. It is always possible to access the stream directly. Type the following URL into your web browser:

http://streamer.marriagebuilders.com:8001/prerecorded

Yes this one works, the link from the home page is not working. I usually use that link with no problems.
Thanks!