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I am very frustrated right now. My attorney wants to send him a divorce proposal to see if he will sign it. Attorney says he is so unstable that it would be better if we got divorced to protect the kids and I, then later if he smartens up we can get back together. WH's dad is so furious with WH that he agrees with my attorney. I'm not sure what to do, if I really want to stay married that seems like the wrong signal to send???? This is a very good idea Megz. You need to protect yourself and your children. If he ever pulls his head out and wants to work on recovery then you can make sure he's serious. I agree with your attorney. Make sure the divorce proposal is very clear and pro-you.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I just wanted to make clear that a divorce was started a long time ago. The papers my attorney wants to send are the FINAL divorce papers. As in, if WH signs them, and I do too, that's it, we're divorced!
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Brainhurts, I am actually doing really well. When I hear these stupid things WH does, I just roll my eyes.
College is going fantastic, I got straight A's last semester, doing great so far this semester. If we get divorced, I will be far better off than he will be. He can't seem to get any work done, too "busy" or something.
Mostly I feel bad for my kids, they are just in holding mode.
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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I just wanted to make clear that a divorce was started a long time ago. The papers my attorney wants to send are the FINAL divorce papers. As in, if WH signs them, and I do too, that's it, we're divorced! I understand that. Of course you can drag out the D or go back into Plan B and wait. It's your call.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Megz....you are on a solid path forward. Its time to leave him behind. Let him catch up to you (if ever).
That means no looking back, no waiting to see if he's coming.
Confidently move forward.
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Megz I agree with your lawyer, if you finalise the D you can protect yourself and your children. I understand you want to remain married and not D, unfortunately sometimes this is not possible.... I was recently served D papers and its not what I want either, so I do understand. Your lawyer is right, couples sometimes reconcile after D. No one knows what the future holds, but you do need to protect yourself now.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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Brainhurts, I am actually doing really well. When I hear these stupid things WH does, I just roll my eyes.
College is going fantastic, I got straight A's last semester, doing great so far this semester. If we get divorced, I will be far better off than he will be. He can't seem to get any work done, too "busy" or something.
Mostly I feel bad for my kids, they are just in holding mode. I'm not sure how getting a divorce would take your kids out of holding mode... Your WH is so oblivious to all of you. Unless there is a financial or other benefit to staying married, I would sign the papers. Your WH is taking advantage of the loyalty, consistency and cultural beliefs that YOU have about marriage. By signing the papers, you will ensure that you don't fall again for his half-hearted, fleeting attempts to return to you. In my opinion, you should sign the papers, and after it's final, THEN Plan B him. If he turns things around, he can date you and prove over time that he is stable. I'm thinking that this is a bad example for the kids, seeing you hold out unconditionally. I have seen the consequences of holding out and "having faith" without taking self-respecting action. It is a horrible lesson to teach your kids. Unfortunately, the lesson is an unspoken one. Have you done the church's 12-step program? Can you pinpoint exactly what it is that keeps you from signing?
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I haven't done the church's 12-step program, but I did set that as one of his conditions for coming back, and I was planning to go to the meetings also.
What keeps me from signing is my commitment to marriage itself, my hope/belief that our marriage could be great one day (of course that would depend a lot on his attitude, which doesn't seem to be there), and my kids.
But I am also done with being a fool.
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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time to move forward with your life. he can work to win you back after the divorce if he's serious.
you've cut this guy so much slack and it didn't help him make progress. your way of waiting for him and trusting him to do the right thing didn't work.
get tough and move forward. it hurts but i beats waiting around and giving him the power to decide your life.
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WOW!
I was told today (firsthand) that skanky slutty OW cheated on her ex-husband. One time that he is 99% sure of, and he suspects several other times. She gave Ex-H the line "I'm just not in love with you anymore" as reason for wanting the divorce. So much for her alibi that she divorced him cause he was into porn.
I wasn't expecting that but I'm not surprised. The horse show world is full of skanks.
Que sera...
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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WOW!
Ie was told today (firsthand) that skanky slutty OW cheated on her ex-husband. One time that he is 99% sure of, and he suspects several other times. She gave Ex-H the line "I'm just not in love with you anymore" as reason for wanting the divorce. So much for her alibi that she divorced him cause he was into porn.
I wasn't expecting that but I'm not surprised. The horse show world is full of skanks.
Que sera... They probably all lie. My ex wife moved in with her affair partner. I assume she just tells lies too. That's why exposure sites like www.cheaterville.com are so helpful in documenting cheaters.....because if I date a woman the first thing I will do is search her record!
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Just waiting for my attorney to get the papers done....
Do you think it will make any difference to WH to find out about her cheating past?
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Just waiting for my attorney to get the papers done....
Do you think it will make any difference to WH to find out about her cheating past? Nope...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just waiting for my attorney to get the papers done....
Do you think it will make any difference to WH to find out about her cheating past? No, he already knows she is a cheater and immoral...he doesn't care. Skanks and whores are pretty accepting of skanks and whores.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Skanks and whores are pretty accepting of skanks and whores. [/quote]
Haha, there should be a like button on here!
On the other hand it's so sad that my once-great husband has turned into a skank!
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Along with a LOT of craziness the past few months, final paperwork has finally been filed and is only waiting for the judge's signature. Now WH has called the judge to stop the divorce. Says he wants to get back together. HOWEVER he is living with her!
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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i hope you get your divorce finalized soon. this is madness.
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Along with a LOT of craziness the past few months, final paperwork has finally been filed and is only waiting for the judge's signature. Now WH has called the judge to stop the divorce. Says he wants to get back together. HOWEVER he is living with her! How do you know he wants to get back together? Are you talking with him? Are you still in Plan B? Has he completed the steps in your Plan B letter?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I unfortunately gave up on Plan B a while ago, although I have as little contact as possible with him. Is it necessary to stay in Plan B if I just want a divorce and don't want to get back together?
Over the past several months he has made several "decisions" to "definitely" come back to our marriage, the longest of which lasted about 10 days. I don't know if he's actually conflicted about it or just wants to avoid the consequences of an actual divorce.
I told him divorce was not what I want but that at this point I have to walk away.
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Sorry he's not serious. He knows he has to give you a few crumbs and you'll let him continue to cake eat.
Has he been financially taking care of his children?
Do you want to continue to live like this?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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