My MIL does similar, Alada. For instance, if she wishes for us to meet her someplace for an impromptu visit and we POJA and say no�.she will often ask H if it is because I don't want to do it.

H and I have POJA'd that we always respond that "we" decided.

Another thing she will do is to insist on some new device or decor that we need in our home. She has excellent taste but she doesn't have a clue that we are not spending anything extra these days�and so often when we say "that won't work for us now", which is what we POJA'd to say (like a broken record), then she will make some hurtful response.

One time she bought a rug for us because we kept saying no (a really expensive wool room size), and when we refused to accept the gift, she about had a cow. That rug is now in her basement.

WHICH is the reason for our further POJA that when she shows any signs of starting AOs with us, we both quietly say that if she keeps talking like this, we are going to hang up, leave the room, etc. We've been doing this for about three months now, and she RARELY calls me any more, but when she does call or stop over, she absolutely respects my and our boundaries.

Okay, I'm off to read your thread Alada.

No, no apology. And that clearly makes our lack of contact best for us.

Thanks for thinking of me. We are doing OK, marriage wise. Me? I'm still struggling. 979 days and I'm exhausted and still hurting. Anyway, still looking for a job, friends, etc. But I don't regret the decision to move. Even if it didn't fix anything.

I still lurk, but I'm past believing MB will help me.

Hugs and More Hugs to you, Ever2Late

I continue to read here every day. We are just shy of 11 months past the last D-Day.

We have ups and downs still, but the ups last for days and the downs for hours now. The roller coaster is still alive and well (UGH), but we are getting a bit better at weathering that "down" cycle by having faith that the "up" cycle WILL come within 24 hours even if it doesn't feel like it right then.

I wanted to make a post for newbies especially, to share that I have some health issues now to deal with that we believe are a direct result of our false recovery.

My retina in one eye became partially detached due to crying and blowing my nose so much. I now have hashimoto's (autoimmune disorder) and am fighting weight gain in spite of us exercising together every single day. Only ten pounds, but the weight gain is causing trouble for my knees and hips due to my ovarian cancer surgery (osteoporosis setting in). Chronic fatigue and pain�so we are focusing on dealing with the osteo and hoping that my symptoms will go away.

I'm only detailing all of this so that other people will (hopefully) see how important that it is to go to the ends of the earth to SNOOP and to EXPOSE. Avoid a FR at all costs!

Some would argue that I'm 51 and I'm getting older, but the grief that our daughters have gone through keep the truth front and center�even after my cancer surgery, I had more energy than I do now. This A zapped the life out of me. And we are ALL (daughters included!) fighting to get it back.

Now for positives!

The GREAT thing is that I just had another checkup at the cancer doc, and I am still cancer free! Two years! I reallllly thought that we were going to have to deal with bad news there from the way that I've been feeling.

SO!!! H went with me to the doc and we both felt like we dodged a bullet. Before we even got out of the building, we were brainstorming for more ways to get me out of this stress. I won't bore you there, but basically we had some great POJA's, major love bank deposits, and we are implementing even more changes for our future!

H says that he is madly in love with me again. Me�still waxing and waning, but remaining hopeful.

Do you think you could add any of your great advice here?
False Recovery-Need Voices of Experience

Hiya BrainHurts! �we are not a finished product yet lol�do you think that I should still post there?

H is so grateful for our "new life". Me�maybe I'm expecting too much too soon, but presently I feel frustrated that I cannot seem to respond to H with passion like I used to have. I do show him love, as in a verb with actions, but I still feel neutral inside, if that makes sense?

So, with that honesty, if you think that I should still post to that thread, I will do so.

It is always good to hear from you.

I think you have things to contribute to that thread. I re-read some of it last night. It is an excellent thread on the hazards of false recovery.

Like you, I have some long-term health effects that started during the affair and heightened during the false recovery. I had some unidentifiable auto-immune disorders that are now better, but not all the way resolved. Also, I started grinding my teeth while asleep and broke my front tooth. I now have a crown on it. I sometimes wonders how many years of my life expectancy I lost.

And I understand you comment about feeling neutral. At this point in our lives, I believe my H loves me MUCH more than I love him. I do love him and want to spend the rest of our days together.

AM

It's so great to hear about your POJA experiences, isn't it great to see how Dr. H's methods do work wonders with those who follow it.

Have you been to your pastor again? How are those meetings going?

I hope you get your health problems solved soon.

I so agree with AM. To add to that Blindsighted, you can add things that you know that have hindered your recovery. It's a big help to the rest of us to learn from others.

Wow armymama, I'm sorry for this. Not about your crown as it's taken care of, but do you still grind your teeth while you sleep?

Absolutely agree. I wonder the same. I always used to say that I would live to be 100. Not sure now lol. Sometimes I get down about it, but what good does it do?

Neither H nor I are at ALL the same people as we were before. We are still works in progress now, but definitely NOT one bit of our old personalities seem to remain. Very odd.

Wow, that was almost surreal to read. Thank you so much for candidly sharing your life with me, armymama. It is tremendously appreciated. Sometimes I so wish that I could meet those of you who have helped so much during this horrible journey, then I could give you all such a big thank you hug. But what I do instead is try to post on other people's threads in order to pass it on. So please know that when I am passing it on, it is because of all of you.

Okay BrainHurts, will do!

I will give this some thought and do the best that I can. It may take a few days and H is going to help me with it.

But I'll definitely post to that thread soon.

Hi Alada!

Oh my goodness yes, we saw our pastor every single week without fail until the last two months. Now we are going every 2-3 weeks.

Next time that we go, I will post again so that I can share Pastor's stories with you.

Thank you, but no pressure if you choose not to. I love the way you write so I would love to see your take on things.

Please do, I find it so enriching to hear your experiences. When we talked to our pastor he was so ... what is the word.. wordless, it was of no help .