Do you guys really expect my 8 year old daughter, and 10 and 13 year old daughters, not to love their mom? Of course they do - she still takes care of them, even though she is involved with this terrible behavior also.

I can't completely stop her but at least I can try to make engaging in this behavior difficult and more risky.

Anyway, I'm getting ready for bed, and I will consider what you've said, as well as the opinions of others too. Besides my deacon, I'm also going to talk to my Christian friend and boss at work about it. And do some soul searching. I may discuss further with my older children.

Pius,

Do they know or not?


What do you mean about making it less risky? Mel's right. You are signed up for an open marriage and just want to know how you can be less miserable in it.


AM

I know the full show was previously posted, but in case posters only have time to listen to your segment, here it is.

Radio Clip of Pius's Segment

I went back through your whole thread and you stated you only told your 2 oldest DD. Have you told your DD8? Have you told them about ALL her affairs? And that the last 2 were with married men?

Have you told the BW of OM3 yet? Have you exposed to your WW's parents and siblings? Your parents?

Have you been tested for STD/I? Has your WW?

Please read. Exposing to Children

In answers to a few questions, I have told my four oldest children. They also know about the original affair.

There have been two OM, not three. Latest episode was reestablishing contact with POSOM #2. POSOM #2 is married. I have tried but failed to contact POSOM #2's BW. I've sent an email and a facebook message which haven't been answered.

WW has been tested. I have not.

Also, in the latest episode, I found text messages but no actual proof of physical contact between them, which is what I would need to prove adultery in court. The last positive proof I have of physical contact was back in December. The law in my state says that if you have SF with spouse after you know about your spouse's adultery then you can't use it - presumably that means you have reconciled or something. So I would need proof of another more recent incident.

I have not told WW's parents and siblings yet, though I made it clear this would happen if there was a future incident. WW destroyed the evidence for this incident but if there is a next time I'll make sure I save it.

I'm still just astounded some of you guys think my fairly young children would stop loving their mom because of this. Childen instinctively love their mothers, especially when the mothers care for them and such. They understand that it was a big mistake but that is not enough to make them stop loving her. Heck I still love my WW very much as well, and I have a full understanding of what happened.

Why not call her and speak with her directly? Even if this last time were "only" text messages, she deserves to know.

But you don't need further proof in order to totally expose though. Your parents need to know. Your wife's parents and siblings, and close friends need to know. The OM2's wife needs to know as well as his parents and any relatives that you can search out on Facebook.

Good that you still feel love for your wife! I am very much hoping that the love that you feel will help you to be strong enough to PROTECT her. With her habits as they are, it is only a matter of time before she contracts an STD, or meets up with the wrong person with the wrong intent and gets raped or worse.

Protect her (and your children!) by exposing far and wide. Protect her by shutting off your home internet. Protect her by DEMANDING that she have no further contact with any POSOM and come back to the marriage. And if she won't do that�then I hope that you love her enough to SEPARATE from her so that she can have at least a shot at seeing firsthand what the consequences will be for her behavior.

I'm sorry to point this out, but IF a thorough exposure works and IF your wife would happen to re-commit to your marriage, then the two of you will have to work out some over-the-top extraordinary precautions in order to have a shot at dealing with her instinct to troll for men. ARE you really committed to doing that?

Be honest with yourself, because if you aren't really willing to do whatever it takes, then do you REALLY love your wife as much as you think that you do?

What are you doing to contact OM'S BW?

I am astounded you would mischaracterize our posts in such a way. No one said they should stop "loving" her, but most children have enough moral training to know that adultery is wrong and to be upset about it. What have your children been taught about their mother's adultery?

And back to the battered wife's syndrome. Your position greatly reflects what we see from battered wives:

here

Exposure is not a "punishment" but a therapeutic measure that will help your wife. You deny her that therapy if you only promise to give her the medicine in the future. She needs the medicine NOW.

There is no reason not to expose her affairs now. Everyone should know so they can hold her accountable and provide support for your family. Keeping her affairs a secret only serves to enable her.

Your wife has admitted the affairs, so you have plenty of evidence now.

Of course they will still love her. Exposure is all about love.

What mischaracterization?

As part of his general resistance to taking any dramatic steps, Pius said his kids do not want him to get divorced. He essentially got challenged that he must not have exposed sufficiently, or they would not feel that way. And puzzlement at his use of the word "adore" to describe their feelings.

I don't find his kids' feelings odd in the least. And how some people report reacting to a similar experience in their own childhood is, frankly, irrelevant.

The plural of anecdote is not "data".

Now, one could argue that Pius is wrong to take his kids' feelings into account in this manner, because the nature of their maternal attachment distorts their wishes.

That is not the convo that happened.

You make a lot of assumptions in your post. The mischaracterization is this comment: But you can see that is exactly what I am addressing in my post when I said this:


No one said his children "would stop loving their mom because of this." It was never suggested. And I do find his children's reactions odd. Children typically are very upset about an affair. But I am not surprised that his kids don't want them to get divorced; I am surprised his kids are not upset and taking issue with their mother.

Especially female children:
Since he thinks exposure is bad and since he has been resistant to any exposure throughout this ordeal, I don't believe he exposed the full truth to his children.

And I do not doubt that some of his children are resistant to divorce. It is not relevant to the issue. He is the adult here after all. He is supposed to be doing what is in his best interest and the children's best interest.

Agreed. I find the reaction to be odd and that is why I asked the question about exactly what the children know. We know that some of them have been told that Mom made a mistake and needs to be obeyed. We don't know much else.

BTW, I consider it a mistake when I out the trash out on Tuesday and it is collected on Thursday. Trolling for men on a married people hook-up site is not a mistake. It is a calculated selfish act with no regard for spouse or children.

AM

Your homeowners' association has a different opinion. In "Surviving an Affair", the APs Greg and Sue meet through their HOA. The HOA doesn't care who you shack up with, but if you take out the trash two days early, they will have something to say about that!

Agree.

The posts speak for themselves - he was questioned on his word "adore" and then he changed the word from "adore" to "love" while acting shocked someone would take issue with his kids feelings towards his WW.

Anyone who has exposed to their children I think will testify that "adore" is not a word they would use to describe their children's feelings towards the WS.

Why did you not come back and post about this update? Why not ask us what else could be done to get in touch with the OM BW?

Very fishy.

Yes, these are our cultural priorities.

BS, did you listen to the radio clip posted in which Dr Harley answer Pius' email? He does not have any hope for this marriage.

It was very interesting to me because I have spoken to Dr Harley about my own serial cheating WH and he had some hope for our M if we were to remove all opportunity for an affair. He described my ex as an addict, someone who got himself into trouble around women even if he wasn't intending to have an affair.

He made it a point to say that this is not an serial cheating "addiction" situation. That Pius' WW exhibits extreme THOUGHTLESSNESS and SELFISHNESS that is not compatible with M....she goes out trolling for men that she doesn't even know to have sex regardless of the impact on Pius and her children....and that Pius would be better off divorcing and protecting himself and making sure that his children basically don't end up like this.

My children were devastated about the divorce as well. But now in the end they are not only fine w it but they are thriving.

And yes, my ex did go right on to OW4 after our separation....his life seems to have a lot of turmoil and chaos that some might argue I could have prevented them from being exposed to if I stayed married to him.

But this is the thing....through discussion with my kids I have seen the many lessons they have learned through this process. With me, good boundaries, honesty, they see that I am healthy and happier alone and a better mother than I was when I was buried in a bad marriage. With him, they have seen where poor decision making and selfishness gets you.