I agree with the lazy lawyer diagnosis. In fact you may even be talking about wayward lawyer.

If your kids want to take pictures of things for their dad, great. If he wants to take pics of them, great.

That's not what where talking about. It's about you providing him with gestures of affection to satisfy a very sick mind set.


I keep coming across these people who seem to disapprove of wives who stop contact with their ex-husbands, even in my case where there are no children.

I keep being told it reflects badly on me, shows bitterness, a lack of civility and forgiveness. Some people believe I either will or should suffer financially in the settlement as a result.

When pressed, their professional veneer crumbles. They don't know of any law to back up their point. They say something vague about it looking good, or judges liking it, or it being cheaper to agree without lawyers.

Just like it's lighter to walk into battle unarmed.

In all cases these opinions are baseless and are just waywards who don't like the idea they may not be so popular with their own vitims one day.

Please read this and the parallel parenting is in here also.
How to Plan B Correctly

He wants to save his weekends for gold digger party girl.

If you want to look like you are being cooperative and not keeping his children from him, then maybe you should go along with his plan to take the kids for dinner two nights a week. At least in that case, you will know that your kids will not be spending the weekend with OW who LIVES with your WH.

Is WH not working? How is he going to manage to leave work at 4.30? Honestly, do you think he will be able to pull that off for any length of time?

You document everything.


You need to think really hard about how you can maintain a dark Plan B through this.

You also need to find a lawyer who will fight to protect you rather than encourage you to let WH and OW spit in your face.

x 2 to all pokerface wrote. How is he going to get the children at 4:30pm during the week?

Just because he wants x, y, and z doesn't mean you have to agree to it. You shoudn't be agreeing to things that will make his life easier and yours more difficult. Does WH have his own attorney? Your lawyer needs to grow a pair too.

I also strongly suggest that you pay close attention to the language used about authorized people to pick up your children and look at what statute also says. Gfs/bfs or step-parents have zero rights to pick up children from school without the consent of custodial parents...that is just an FYI to you...don't mention it to WH.

I live in California.

I have three children with my ExH (WH)

I have been in Plan B for 5 years.

I have an IM to communicate any information about visitation or financial issues.

Our divorce took three years to finalize and I never once had to meet with him. I had a financial IM (a different person from my other IM) to go to divorce hearings in my place. My lawyer worked with both me and my IM to strategize. The judge did not question it.

You never interfere with parenting by your Wayward but you do not need to be so directly involved with them either.

It has protected my mental and physical health.

Wow, reading. Did your WH ever express any kind of remorse or, at the very least, regret?

I wouldn't know.
I am in Plan B.

:-)

Wow this is great.

You should add this to the Plan B thread.

I TOTALLY agree with Indie on this. I also live in CA and my lawyer pulls some of this with me, even suggesting that I send him a weekly email update of my daughter's activities. I declined to do so. I said that I would only if I were ordered to by a court (and even then, I would go secret IM).

I moved from northern to southern california with my daughter and he gets a couple of skype calls per week. My lawyer told me to "facilitate" the calls by sitting with her and trying to prompt conversation (because she is two). I told her I would do no such thing. My only repsonsibility is to help my daughter pick up the call. I press the button when he calls, put my headphones on loudly and walk away from the computer. My daughter can talk as much or a little as she wants from there. DO NOT bend over backward to facilitate a relationship with the kids.

People do not understand the trauma that infidelity causes. You don't need to cater to them at all.

I think we need to have a thread on divorce/custody in CA. It's like an alternate universe where lawyers and judges think everyone should bend over backward to facilitate a relationship with between the kids and the the person they are divorcing. He is a flipping grown man. Nothing could keep him from his kid if he wants to see her.

If situations were reversed and my WW had custody, I would be there when my Son gets off the school bus every day.

No court would be able to interfere with my visiting appropriate visitations.

A good parent who valued their children and their personal relationship with them could not be held back by wild horses.

LTL

Wow! thanks so much everyone!

I am actually doing ok with the minor communication through this website. At first it was too much but then I turned the "notifications" off so I don't get disrupted with "you have a new message" throughout the day. I just log on when I am in a good place and when I want to request reimbursement for something. The good thing about this site is that you can link your bank account to it and post a receipt so for something like a medical bill not covered is paid by me I post it and he immediately reimburses me.

He is also digging himself a grave with his almost "bi-polar" messages. I got a good juicy one documented below when they probably got in a fight and it completely backs the fact that she is an addict if I even need it in court:

"In July, she stayed out all night and lied to me about where she was. I called her sister, Tessa, and told her I was through, that I could not handle it if she relapsed. I just can't be with a liar and a drug addict.

At the time Brianna told me later that she was with her drug friends and that she struggled but did not do heroin. I don't know if she did or she didn't. I chose to believe her at the time.

Over the last few days, more 'gray' has come out; I will not risk my kids over her. I risked my career for her.

Sitting here alone right now, I am lost.

I should have listened to you in June.
I should have quit and come home.
I am so sorry for what I have done to you and the kids.

What was I thinking?

Please forgive me.
T"

I guess they kissed and made up afterward because he is back to making excuses for why he can't do more time on the weekend.

Interestingly enough, he isn't working. He left his job and is saying it is to be closer to the kids when in actuality, he was timing his resignation to coincide with the temporary hearing. I believe he hoped he could get away with less alimony but it didn't work for him. He got 6 months severance and the judge told him to "get a job" and based the alimony/child support on the salary he left. He wouldn't leave his job to keep his family whole in May but he left to try and pay less money....

But yes- good point about him probably not being able to keep it up for any length of time. When he was working he barely made it home in time for bedtime at 7pm so I doubt he'd be able to do it when he gets another job. And he WILL get another job. This man loves money way too much.