Should I change my phone number and emails? I am scared he will come back here and I am weak and don't know what i will do if I see him. I am trying to get out of this condo before he comes back. Desperately sad, but angry too

Yes definitely change all your contact information so he can't contact you. Is he using the IM?

Not sure what you mean, instant messaging? Not that I know of

Intermediary=IM.

Aren't you in Plan B? Have you read this? How to Plan B Correctly

Did you ever expose on OW's side?

Hi ,
Yes I've exposed,and I now know what an I M is. Yes I now have one and am in the process of changing my phone and em's . My problem is I'm not sure I want him back. I love and I miss him and I hate him , I'm not sure I can forgive him

Of course you don't want him back while he's wayward. That's why in your plan B Letter you gave him the way back. If his actions show you real charge then you can make that decision when he's shown you the actions.

Good job for changing your contact information. How is your self-care coming along?

Did you give him a Plan B letter?

All the better that you aren't sure you want him.

Plan B will protect any good will you have left for him.

I think of it like a 'pause' button. II

It lets you go on in your own life and heal and if the wayward ever gets his heart in near the right place, allows for a potential reconsiliation.

Ok I've written it, in my own handwriting. He has not contacted me and I am moving out of our condo since the rent hasn't been paid etc. he won't be able to contact me except through my IM. I will leave it for him once I'm out of the place and am going to stay with family for awhile. I'm not expecting much. I'm so broken and sad. Seeing a counselor this week. Thanks everyone for the help.
Zo

The best counselling is no contact. The less time you spend talking/thinking about him the better. It's not easy the first few weeks, or months, but make it your goal.

The pain is simply horrendous, particularly in the first few weeks, but since you are blameless there is absolutely nothing a counsellor can do about it. You would be better accessing some short term anti depressants and a steady stream of hugs, chocolate, new shoes, comedy movies and pedicures in no particular order. Most definitely don't sit around talking the pain into cycles.

Instead of counselling, consider what your new life is going to look like and how you can keep your spirits up.

Ok , I'll try , I in my heart thought about that and felt it was a right. I'm going to move forward no matter what. It hurts. Still . Are they any men who don't cheat. It's been a thought that has been bothering me
Zo

Everybody cheats in the right conditions.

Zo,

Have you read any of the stories that the betrayed husband's have posted on here? There are multiple threads here that the men haven't cheated and the wives have cheated.

WH has contacted me in an email through IM saying he wants to help. Well I've already done everything , packed up all our stuff and stored it for now, since he left the state , and I didn't know where he was or if he was coming back. He says he doesn't have any money to pay the bills , yet. But I saw his bank statement and it said he had over 20k , so I think he is still lying to me.
He is back here in our town , I'm going to family for a couple weeks and was just going to leave him the PBL .
He will not have access to our stuff. I wanted to have it when and if I return, I also did not want her to have it. I do not think he is making good decisions. My kids won't talk to him nor will his sister. Should I respond in any way , other than leaving him the keys ? Should I file for legal separation? I think the OW is giving him that money.i am concerned about debt he is incurring. Everything done is still community property right?
What do you all think?

Have you contacted a lawyer? I would get some legal advice. Do you have any proof that he has the 20K? Printed or copied the bank statement.

You need your IM to read the training thread. The whole point of an IM is that they filter these spam messages and you never get to hear them.

She should only pass factual messages on - not a desire to 'help'

Sorry just saw you haven't gone dark yet. Why is the IM being used now?

Hi, sorry, I don't know about going dark, and my IM didn't obviously understand fully , . I do have proof of the 20 K I have made a copy of bank statements , however I think he is probably moving money now. I will,talk to allawyer on Monday . . I can get another IM . What is going dark?
Thanks for everything

Once you deliver the Plan B letter you want all contact to cease. He doesn�t hear from you, nor can he reach you. You don't hear anything from him other than factual details from the IM so you can heal. So in practice he gets the letter - and boom - you've disappeared.

You need the IM training thread and How to Plan B correctly thread.

Going dark means no contact or any news of each other at all, even through third parties.

I re read everything and, now I understand. I don't have anyone who can be an IM.my son tried and it's too emotional for him. Is there anyone in MB that would do it for me?
Thanks Zo

Is there anyone out there that would be willing to be an IM for me? All my friends are pretty angry so it would be hard for them to even try to be neutral. To be honest I don't expect reconciliation, that would be a miracle. It will be the basics. Maybe at some point we can transfer IM after I feel a little less emotional.
Thanks
Zo