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What a wonderful weekend!
We nixed the movie Friday nite and decided to walk to our village and eat at a local restaurant. And Sat we worked around the bridal shower and Sunday we went on a tandem bike ride.
It was heartening to finally have my husband on board in a more complete way. He seems encouraged to follow this plan as we now understand it. Its so interesting how a fog will mind blind from fully understanding the plan.
Previously I know my husband showed compliance by putting the time in yet he was not with me in his heart. Its been fruitful to 'go out' for our dates and 'complete' the dates at home w/SF.
Also, interestingly this has allowed us to feel less entrapped while following the plan which has been my husbands issue at the point of his old understanding.
Hope this makes sense.
Again thank you all, especially MelodyLane, Prisca and Markos.
BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren
"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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What a wonderful weekend!
We nixed the movie Friday nite and decided to walk to our village and eat at a local restaurant. And Sat we worked around the bridal shower and Sunday we went on a tandem bike ride.
It was heartening to finally have my husband on board in a more complete way. He seems encouraged to follow this plan as we now understand it. Its so interesting how a fog will mind blind from fully understanding the plan.
Previously I know my husband showed compliance by putting the time in yet he was not with me in his heart. Its been fruitful to 'go out' for our dates and 'complete' the dates at home w/SF.
Also, interestingly this has allowed us to feel less entrapped while following the plan which has been my husbands issue at the point of his old understanding.
Hope this makes sense.
Again thank you all, especially MelodyLane, Prisca and Markos. Thank you for the uplifting update!! So glad to hear that your efforts may be paying off..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Glad the plan is working so far graceful2b!
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
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I
1. Conversation was awkward, did not flow in a nice back and forth fashion. Tone level sometimes seemed low. Grace, this will change as you fall more in love. What topics of conversation does he enjoy? I found one of Dr Harley's best articles on this subject: here
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm glad things are going well now, graceful! I'm hoping this keeps up - and I'm glad you have a plan for what to do if it does not.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Thanks everyone. I'm not completely sold all our worries are behind us. I'm cautiously optimistic.
I'll carefully read the article ML.
I'll have to admit a dark truth about our weekend. I'm surprised as to my reaction. We walked into a restaurant over the weekend and sitting at the next booth was a group from my husbands old dojo including the woman he'd gotten infatuated with that started the spiral we nosed dived into! Awkward. We barely acknowledged and were cordial but the 'running into' was distracting to say the least. My husband was very concerned for me so this helped. I do not want this to happen again. We've not run into her previously. I talked to my husband about moving and he thought I was joking. Frankly at the time of the experience I did not feel anything. If my husband would suddenly get interested all over again it would be my moving day.
BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren
"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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Thanks everyone. I'm not completely sold all our worries are behind us. I'm cautiously optimistic.
I'll carefully read the article ML.
I'll have to admit a dark truth about our weekend. I'm surprised as to my reaction. We walked into a restaurant over the weekend and sitting at the next booth was a group from my husbands old dojo including the woman he'd gotten infatuated with that started the spiral we nosed dived into! Awkward. We barely acknowledged and were cordial but the 'running into' was distracting to say the least. My husband was very concerned for me so this helped. I do not want this to happen again. We've not run into her previously. I talked to my husband about moving and he thought I was joking. Frankly at the time of the experience I did not feel anything. If my husband would suddenly get interested all over again it would be my moving day. Why not move?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Dr. Harley often recommends moving to avoid triggers. In your case, I think you should.
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Dr Harley just posted on the private forum that one of the benefits of a move after an A is that the new home allows couples to begin new habits.
What new habits might you and your husband benefit from?
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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