Please change your name to VERYBADDADWORSTHUSB.

No, you don't love your child. If you did you would not do what you do. Don't say that around here.

If you still insist that you are, do right by her by divorcing her mother and letting her and her mom move very very far from you and staying out of their lives. Having nothing to do with you would be the only way that this girl will grow up to be an emotionally healthy person.

By the way, salute to your mother in law. Your shameful conducts should be widely exposed to everyone. Great job of hers!

I agree with you that I am selfish and want to "have my cake and eat it too." I know I have a problem. What I didn't say in my original post is that my wife and I are best friends. Most of the time we get along great. Especially in everyday life. But when it comes to going out, drinking, etc. my actions change.

Not likely.

Most wife beaters say the same thing about their victims. The only difference is that your abuse is much worse than a physical assault. Remember that creep that held 3 women prisoners in his basement for 10 years? He said they had a wonderful family life. It was just all lovely according to him.

I guess it is easy to view it as such when it is not your ox getting gored. "Best friends" don't harm their "friends" as you do your wife. Your cheating is not the act of a "friend," but the act of a worst enemy.

Didn't answer the question!!

I have admitted to all of my mistakes. Most people on this board are the ones who were the victims of actions like mine. It seems to me that nobody on here believes that someone can change. I guess I was hoping to hear some people on here say something like "If you love your daughter you need to change and there are ways to change." But instead, everyone says "set her free."

I am a good Dad. My daughter loves me so much. As of now, she knows nothing about what I have done in the past to hurt her mother. I treat my daughter much like I should treat my wife. I protect her, I give her encouragement, I am there to support her, I am there when she is down, I am there for all of her important events, I tell her I love her 50 time a day. I always give her a hug and kiss goodnight. I bet I treat my daughter better than 95% of Dads out there. My wife would even tell you that.

So, whoever said "let move far away and stay out of their lives" is ridiculous and just mad at the world. If my daughter moved far away, I would fly in to see her at least once a month. I would have her for the entire summer and I would enjoy every minute I spend with her.

Do you know how bad I want to not want other woman? I wish I was 100% content with what I have with my wife. I wish I never had a thought about another woman. I wish I was the best husband in the world.

So should I attempt to change? Or am I doomed like everyone on here seems to think?

I haven't "cheated" in two years. I have crossed the line many times. You are a very angry person and should seek help for yourself. I would appreciate it if you know longer posted on this thread. I am only looking for advice from people that can see both sides and can give me advice without crucifying me.

Thanks

I don't know. I wish it was easy for me to be a buyer. I don't know why I have a fascination with women and the idea of being single.

You asked if you're doomed. If you can't become a buyer then you've answered your own question.

Would you let your DD be with someone who does what you do?

Well, I would assume you like the prospect of being able to pursue as many women as possible, whenever you want to...without the hassle of worrying about being caught.

Your post seems to indicate you want to be catered to.
If that is what you desire, I'll do it:

You're a great guy, a great father and husband.
Your wife doesn't know what she's missing out on.

Do you want an honest answer or just what is pleasing to you?

I'll give you both, and you can decide which you like best.

Here's the answer that "is understanding of both sides":

You're a great guy and your wife is just too demanding. she should learn to accept that men have high sex drives and it's only natural for you to be attracted to the opposite sex. really, your wife should go see a counselor to be more understanding and deal with her trust and forgiveness issues. If she still cant forgive, she should remain friends with you since you have a daughter together.

Here is the truthful answer:

The Bible says that anyone can change but the first step is to acknowledge that you are a sinner and then turn away from that sin.
You must desire to turn away and that desire must be followed up with meaningful actions.

You speak about love. The Bible says that God so loved the world that he gave His only Son. The Bible explains that there is no greater love than to die for another.
That is Gods definition of love.
Your definition, from your posts, is based on emotions with no physical action. To you love is a feeling.
You feel like you love your wife, but you dont physically show love towards her.
Unfortunately, it will be the same with your daughter. You will certainly feel love, but not show it and in the end create a girl that does not understand how a parent should show love to their child or their spouse.

Now, your choice is you can admit that you have failed up to this point or you can continue to get angry with posters that try to help you, much as a drunk has a choice after wrecking into a tree: Is it time to wake up and change habits, or just blame the tree for being in your way?

The very 1st post in reply to you offered a path for you to follow to improve your own marriage.

The ONLY way to start doing that would to be completely honest with your Wife and eliminating ALL of you OS, (Opposite Sex), contacts.

You are NOT currently a safe person to be involved with, let alone be married to.

You are just too cowardly to do the right thing and too afraid to lose the semblance of a doting father figure.

LTL

But this tirade does not address any of my points, all of which are true. I very much see how you are even if you don't like hearing it. How about addressing those points without playing the victim? You are not the victim here, Sir.

Where in all of this have you indicated any desire to change? I see none here. Just a lot of lip flapping about your "desires." Where is your "desire" to change?

We don't care about your "desires" for women, but about how you CHOOSE to behave. That is what matters. People desire bad things all the time. What matters is how they choose to BEHAVE.

And no, you are not a "good dad" so you can stop telling yourself that. A "good dad" does not jeopardize the most important thing in his child's life: an intact, secure marriage because he wants to behave like an alley cat in heat. Your "desires" threaten everything in life that is important to her: her parents marriage and her mother's mental health.

And I am sure she does adore you. She doesn't know how your selfish pursuits have jeopardized her security. She will find out what you are when she grows up, though.

My XH was very close to my older daughter (now 27), far more supportive than I was and they were very bonded. DD was 19 when I discovered the Fat Slag. When I told her that Daddy had a girlfriend, she literally cried with relief. She had witnessed the stress in our relationship through the years and thought it was her fault. Children do that because the relationship between their parents is the most important thing in their life.

She had been trying to make sense of something that made no sense. The effort of trying to cope all that time has left her damaged. She is a tax lawyer but cannot form relationships with men because she cannot trust them.

Oh and she no longer will have anything whatsoever to do with her father.

Would you LIKE to become a good husband and father?

Have you admitted these mistakes to your wife?

Yes, a lot of us on here were the victims if infidelity, you are right. But not ALL of us. There are also many posting to the dating forums and the general Marriage BUILDING forum. But yes, there are many here that experienced the very worst thing that could ever happen in life�for me it was certainly more painful than my own cancer surgery or loss of a child. And Dr. Harley has said that some women have declared that it is even more traumatic than rape.

But back to your comment�MANY of us who now post here have stuck around to help others because this site has (literally) changed our life!

MelodyLane has been here for ten plus years, and her marriage is LONG recovered. In fact, she is in (true) love now, and yet she takes time always out of her day to provide free help. If you WERE to decide that you want to change and become the best father and husband ever�.I would hope that you would have Melody in your court posting to you.


The REASON that you keep wanting other women is that you PERMIT yourself to enjoy the cake. It's called the contrast effect. Study this site and you'll learn to understand it.

What you are doing now is going to outside sources to have your needs met�and therefore your wife can never meet them. She will never match up�not even if she were Bo Derek or Farrah Fawcett. Not even if she tried and tried�it wouldn't be possible.

i don't think you have any idea just how self-absorbed you sound here. it's all ME ME ME.

clearly you have no idea how devastating your behavior is to your wife and you seem to not care.

you've also already thought about what a divorce would be like for you as a parent by saying you'd fly to see your child once a month and have the whole summer.

just do it. you are not marriage material. KNOW THYSELF and be brave enough to cut your long suffering wife free.

you COULD change but it would require some radical stuff on your part and you seem nowhere near being able to even look at yourself with any degree of clarity.

go on your merry way. let your wife have the opportunity to build a fulfilling life without living in fear about what you might or might not do next.