I have seen several recommendations on this forum to employ the use of a site called cheatersville. I am wondering if someone could give me some insight on how this might be considered a guard? I am a wayward wife whose husband put my pic and story on this site and I fail to see it's usefulness in keeping me in line. It seems to be in place just to humiliate the wayward spouse (which it did). Would all of you reccomend showing this site to children and parents? How about employers? I understand other things but this seems like it is simply a way for the spouse to seek revenge. Since the wayward spouse may be struggling with the decision to work at the marriage it seems rather counter productive. Waywards may also struggle with depression and I think it could be very damaging as it was in my case. Any thoughts...

WE view exposure as a very therapeutic step and view adultery and lies as "damaging." Exposure often helps the wayward spouse see the reality of their cruel acts. The more people who know the more people to hold that person accountable and give support to the victims of the wayward: spouse and children. It also alerts others so they can watch their own marriages around the cheater, so in many ways it is a public service to others.

The advice to expose on cheaterville is given to betrayed spouses to use on the AFFAIR PARTNER, not the spouse. [although sometimes it is necessary to put a spouse on cheaterville] IT is very effective in running the OP off.

In general, exposure is a very effective way to kill an affair and wake up the wayward spouse. And yes, affairs should be exposed to children, parents, and employers. Exposure is one of the most therapeutic steps in saving a marriage after an affair. If that runs a wayward off, then the marriage wasn't going to be saved anyway.

Adultery and lies are damaging. Exposure is a consequence of an affair. It is a job hazard of having an affair.

Dr Harley discussed such exposure websites on his radio show and here is a thread discussing that show: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2782074&page=1

It was a great show!

ML was too easy on you! Affair privacy is not an entitlement, and WSs are not victims. Your complaints about exposure sites are duly noted and very easily dismissed. I can sympathize with your plight - it must be really tough to face the fact that your selfish actions have wrecked the lives of those you have vowed to care for. You see, this isn't all just about you. You need to consider your victims as well. When you are clear of the fog, you will see things more clearly.

If you think the depression a wayward may be feeling is intense......I will tell you.....being the betrayed spouse is magnified in intensity.

Betraying a spouse is the cruelest act that there is.

It is breaking a sacred trust.

If a betrayed spouse uses cheaterville, that is understandable.

Your sordid secret being exposed is the least of your problems and of your own creation. You created the exposed situation. You.

Would you like professionally backed sound marital advice on how to turn your life and possibly your marriage around by employing the Basic Concepts that Dr. Willard Harley has been implementing for multiple decades with fantastic success?

Several of the most acute and in tune posters on this site are Former Wayward Spouses themselves and have improved their own Reall Marriages exponentially since being tutored on The Marriage Builders Program.

It will take courage in the face of difficult adversities arising, especially when and if you
finally realize how much pain you have caused to your Spouse and any other Family Members.

Are you willing to try to improve yourself?

LTL

Exposure is one thing (which he had already accomplished) but that site is despicable daytime tv. So I should show my children and my parents the things he is willing to post about me on line for the world to see. I would never do that because for our entire marriage I have protected his crappy behavior from everyone who loves him. It exposes the cheaters name to the "quality" people who peruse this site. Anyone can now "find" the cheater. What a crock. I was just starting to feel hopeful that we could work things out and now I feel like everything we have accomplished was not real. He says he forgives me and then tosses me on a disgusting website for my own good.

You are humiliated? Think about him, people may read that and put the blame on him (which is a lot of times the case). Well if he had done this then maybe she wouldn�t have cheated. Or he must be horrible for her to cheat.

He is far more humiliated and hurt and broken down then you can ever imagine. It sounds like you are still being selfish to me��.

So, you were thinking about trying tto work on Your Marriage until your behavior was brought to the forefront?

Now, he shamed you too much???

Be Honest with Yourself. YOU were the one who DID the most atrocious offense to your spouse. Why blame Him or the people who recommend exposure?

When you have one finger pointing the blame elsewhere, the rest of them are pointing ack at you.

You only have control of Your actions. How can You attempt to right this marriage? Do you know how, or would you be willing to learn, even if reluctantly at first?

Read this:

Crazy things coming out of a waywards piehole.....

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2761888&page=1

Your comments are no different than the Stock Script that nearly every cheating spouses mouth after they are busted. Look for the similarities. Are you any different?

LTL

I don't think spending any time discussing exposure with you is useful. Would you like some help saving your marriage? That is what we can actually help you with even if you never agree with exposure.

Will your husband come here to post? He must be hurting horribly, and we can help him.

MarieMab,

Compared to executing the OM in some horrible fashion, posting your name on an exposure site is getting off lightly.

The posting on the site will fade in importance, your betrayed husband will be pained for the rest of his life, and will never feel secure with you always wondering what you are doing, and are you still in love with the OM.

God Bless
Gamma

Do you fully understand or appreciate the kind of pain you put your spouse through? It is worse than experiencing a death of a close relative, in my opinion.
The pain is deep, long lasting, comes in waves of overwhelming doom. I would bet he even contemplated suicide, probably more than once.

That is real pain and suffering!

I agree bring the husband to the forum for help.

I had already been exposed. I told my family. I told my friends. I was sick. I knew it was the absolute wrong way to get my husbands attention. My husband said he forgave me. We were working to fix things. Then he got on this site and everyone encouraged him to post my name on cheaterville so I wouldn't stray again. The post was ugly and not even accurate. The things he wrote here were ugly and inaccurate. I seriously felt like killing myself. It seems like everything he was telling me was a lie.

MarieMab,

Did your H also post the OM? Was the OM properly exposed?

In spite of what I wrote I would have posted the OM before I posted my W to that site.

From reading on this site I think you might be mistaken most posters encourage posting the OM but rarely the wayward wife.

God Bless
Gamma

I just cannot see how cheaterville is helpful in anyway...so I should show my kids the post so they can be absolutely one hundred percent sure their mother is a whore?

I do not know why he posted about you on this site, you would have to ask him. But I do know that when it happens to you rational thought is sometimes out the window.

And I am sure he has forgiven you or else you would not be on here claiming you are working on your marriage, he would have just kicked you to the curb like he had every right to do.

And i am sorry about your concern for what your kids think but that concern is too little too late, it has already happened no matter what.....

I read the book. I was trying. My husband spends about five hours on this site and suddenly new steps MUST be taken to protect the marriage. There are many forms of betrayal and I realize the cheater gives up all rights to pain but I am literally crushed.

MarieMab. Once you make the choice to have an affair, you also make the choice to take the risk that you will be found out and exposed....by anyone.


Yes you need to tell the kids what you have done and then focus on changing your lifestyle to protect them and your husband from this ever happening again. You need to shut down all the avenues that allowed a secret second life to be possible. That is how you redeem yourself and EARN back trust.


Right now you are focused on your own pain caused by your own actions to have an affair. That will not recover your marriage.

MarieMab,

You wrote, The post was ugly and not even accurate.

In what ways do you feel it was ugly and inaccurate?

Do you understand how horrifying this was for your BH?

**EDIT**

God Bless
Gamma

My children know. My family knows. My friends, his friends, everyone knows. This was exposed over two months ago. After getting on this forum my husband decided more people needed to know. He opened pandoras box and the other man contacted me again. I wanted nothing more than to move forward and now I feel like we are back at square one. Actually behind square one because I am not sure he has been honest about forgiving me and fixing our relationship.