How do you perceive your life would go if You went totally abstinent from Any recreational alcohol drinking or pot smoking?

It seems very difficult to MB approach Her usage, whilst still engaging in mildly desccibed substance usages of Your Own.

Could you set out to be a healthier example to lead your wife by actions instead of meager words?

LTL

Ahhh, I see you forecast my current post prior to me seeing that recent updated tidbit.

Good for you to consider the hypocrisy on your own.

LTL

Thanks Learned Too Late. I have realized on my own; however, my defense, rationalization, or white lie I tell myself is that it hasn't ruined my life like it has my wife and that I have control.

Yes, when it comes down to it, I do use substances. I have smoked pot pretty regularly for 10 years. I am also very organized, I'm a perfectionist, I'm a hard worker, and I spend a lot of mental effort prioritizing my day every morning to make sure I fulfill my obligations. At the end of the day, but usually on Saturdays after cleaning the house, garage, doing yardwork, I like to have a beer and smoke a joint and sit in my yard and reflect on my life, my week, etc.

In college I supported myself, worked 32 hours a week, had 16 units (a full time student), and had lots of studying to do. When I was done with school or work, I'd smoke a joint and reflect on my life. I made straight A's and was an excellent employee.

After college (2006), I got a job that I have today. I've progressed steadily, am told that people enjoy working with me and that I bring an energy to the office they like. I work more hours than most in my office, first one in last one out, and I attend office events with my wife.

All this to say, I don't see my smoking pot as anything that brings me down or negatively affects my job, relationships, etc. HOWEVER, I'm reconsidering this with the events in my life that are crashing down around me.

Please give me your honest feedback. I don't need sarcasm or insults. I am an open book and I've told my wife, NO OPTIONS ARE OFF THE TABLE no matter how hard they are. If I am to stop smoking pot completely (which is really an all or nothing thing for me), I need to fully understand how it is negatively affecting me.

Maybe it's the fact that if I smoke and stay with my wife, that will hurt her, or will tempt her to use cocaine or other drugs that are significantly and negatively affecting her life. I know if I asked my wife if I need to stop smoking weed she would tell me that's my decision.

Dr. Harley believes that we face life's problems by thinking clearly.
We cant do that while under the influence of drugs;

my uncle had $36,000 year cocaine habit...and a stroke in his 50's!

If you need arguments from a Forum to persuade you to stop using drugs or alcohol then you may have a problem.

Thank you Jedi. Your comments are well-received.

Maybe you don't see, or want to believe that ure self described minimum usage is a problem, but you have to honestly ask youreself..... Are you setting the right and moral example for your own wife?

You are smart enough to truly know that answer for yourself.

LTL

thanks LTL. I am realizing that I need to stop not because its directly affecting my ability to live my life, but affecting my wife's ability and if I respect her, I will stop with the substance use, no matter how small, its still enough to be considered habitual and I want to be on the same page as my wife and I want her to see that substance use is not healthy. I think that will deposit many love units, too.

sk, I am glad you have decided to give it up. I come from a generation where smoking pot was real popular. I could always tell who did and who didn't because the potheads were much slower mentally. [even when not high] They weren't quick witted and sharp like the rest of the world. You might not believe it makes any difference, but people who know potheads can usually spot one. It impairs you mentally and that has to have an effect, even if you don't realize it.

I equate potheads with beevus and [censored]. Are you familiar with that show?

Thanks ML. I am familiar with that show, I wasn't allowed to watch it growing up, but still... very familiar.

sk, there is a chapter in Love Busters about recovering love in marriage after husband and wife have both been addicts. You might find some good material there.