God provided this program as a means to heal broken marriages. He is not going to do the work for you, against your will. If you refuse to follow the steps laid out by Marriage Builders, then there is nothing God can do. He won't force you to do the work against your will.

You have utterly no reason to "feel confident" in your decision to do nothing, ie "take a different approach". You are the person who wrecked her marriage after all. Your "approach" is do nothing to recover your marriage.

As far as your daughter getting an email from cheaterville, that is 100% your fault. It is not the fault of your husband or cheaterville that you decided to have an affair.

Drew, a special message to you. It would be a huge mistake to allow a self serving, selfish, fogged out wayward dictate the terms of your recovery. Her "approach" is to ignore the problem by sweeping it under the rug. She is the last person who is qualified to determine what is necessary to save your marriage. She has no earthly idea how to save a marriage; she only knows to destroy.

Marriages that don't recover usually experience repeat affairs. As foggy and wayward as your wife is, I predict she will have repeat affairs if you don't turn this around.

Dr. Harley frequently cites one of the first infidelity cases he ever dealt with, between the pastor of his church and the choir director. Both were convinced that God wanted them to leave their spouses for each other, and quoted scripture to back up their position. They claimed to be laying it all in God's hands, too.

Faith in God is no insurance against infidelity. You might have success gaslighting Drew3rd with this approach, but we are not fooled.

Ok Marie I know that you have been slammed but you are the one who came here. So now that you know we are really not here to totally run you in to the ground just part way maybe you can take some advice.

So yes I am sure it hurt that your daughter received the e-mail but she really did need to hear it (all of it) even though it should have came from you.

I remember with me even though my kids knew, the single OW kept trying to call my H when he was sick and not at work, I intercepted the calls because he was in the hospital so one night she was drunk and called my house, the first time I answered and eventually she said "well I slept with your H didn't I" only not so nicely. The next call was intercepted by our then almost 17 year old son and she thought it was my H and I am not sure what said to him but he just defended me and told her not to call back. Afterwards when he spoke to his dad he said "Dad you really had sex with that other lady?"

So what I am trying to say is that even though your daughter "knew" she probably didn't "know" and it is only right that everyone "know" what happened to get it done and over with.

How did that website know your daughter's email address?

I would point out that Marie came here to slam this board. Not the other way around. The only person that ran Marie into the ground was Marie, by virtue of her own poor choices. No one here is going to validate a selfish, self centered wayward when they are being a wayward. And this person is very, very fogged out.

I've never checked out the site myself, in spite of being someone who strongly believes in exposure. Most people would not bother going there.

It's main purpose is to upset the entitled views of waywards who believe they have the right to privacy curtains while they knife their loved ones in brutal fashion. Like you did.

So now you are upset you don't have the privacy to do that any more. You're upset that you didn't consider your online reputation and employment prospects before you set fire to your family's happiness prospects. Tough.

Not many people online are actually very interested in what you did; though I am sure the people who know your husband are grieved for him.

You are more interested in this site than anybody else.

Also, if you have told your 17 yo the truth of your actions, no site can usurp your confession. Since you're so upset I don't think there was any confession. Not one that accepted 100 pc fault

I suggest you start being more honest about your marriage wrecking tendencies. No matter what 'crappy behaviour' you say your H put you through, you put him through an affair.

The shame isn't going anywhere and since you volunteered for it, I suggest you learn to live with it.

I have another question... If this site is supposed to help cheaters as well how is that accomplished if the cheater is just constantly slammed?

You guys are the west borough baptist church of SAA.

You are not being slammed.

Did you write that No Contact letter for your husband to mail?

I did not write on this board to slam anyone I simply wanted to ask how the cheaterville site was helpful. Not one person I has answered my question. I have heard about every issue that may or may not pertain to our situation but not one answer on how the cheaterville site protects the betrayed spouse. Good night everyone!

There is simply no reason to debate exposure with you, Marie.

Did you write that letter?

Marie,

When exactly was your last contact with the OM? Have you and he talked since the affair was exposed?

AM

I wrote a letter months ago long before I read SAA. I have been exposed. Anyone have anything for recovery??????

What was in the letter? Did you and OM have contact after the letter?

My H and I are in a recovered marriage. We both believe that had we not learned and followed the MB program and principles that we would have divorced. Instead, we love each other more and more with time.

Once the affair is over and there is no contact between the affair partners, attention can be directly towards marital recovery. The problem is that your previous posts have not been convincing that your affair has ended.

AM

Did your husband read the letter before it was sent?

Did you listen to the clips of Dr. Harley talking about these sites? That answers your questions.

You are not a victim, dear. Nothing said on this thread is as vicious and cruel as what you did to your husband and your children. What you did was as traumatic as physical assault or rape.

Marie, since you seem to be referencing God in your post, I'm going to share my opinion. I know that I am biased because this is from the BS point of view.

But here is what I think, wholeheartedly, 15 months out from D-Day�

Prior to an affair, the BS trusts with all of their heart. They do lots of things wrong of course to contribute to the state of the marriage, but one thing that they FEEL is constant is that their spouse has their back and would never do anything to purposely hurt them.

I don't think that I am describing well enough how much of a total BOND that there is. An absolute CERTAINTY that it is till death do you part, and after.

The moment that you consummated your affair, that BOND frayed and split into a million pieces.

Your husband did not KNOW that it had split, but I promise you that he DID know that something was different. And now, chances are, he is replaying those mind tapes in his head. Over and over. He is going to have to live with that for the rest of his life.

YOU knew that it had split, and you CHOSE not to tell him the truth about his own life because you selfishly enjoyed your new cake.

Everyone gets it Marie. We are ALL sinners. All that we are asking for is a starting point of truth.

Do you WANT recovery? If so, then shoving it under the rug and expecting your husband to get over it already ISN'T GOING TO WORK.

Instead, rebuilding that BOND is what will do it (with God as the Rock and the 3rd strand in your M from here on out). Marriage Builders really does work perfectly with that goal.

You can start by truly become humble and loving towards your husband. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Which of the following has been done? What is left to do?

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.