This is a piece of advice I often offer:
Start at the beginning of your thread and re-read each post. As you read, keep a to-do list of the suggestions that are offered to you and a second list of the questions that are asked of you. When you get done, work through the lists.

Recovery can be accomplished by following Dr. Harley's program.

Next, some essential reading material:

How do Affairs Begin?

Anatomy of Adultery

chapter 13 of His Needs, Her Needs

And a video that is essential viewing from someone who can actually help you:
Infidelity: What Every Couple Should Know

After that, the Basic Concepts:

Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

When signing up for the board, everybody indicates that they have read the Basic Concepts. Did you?

More essential reading: Dr. Harley's Q&A columns on infidelity:

steps to recovering from infidelity

There, a ton of recovery resources have now been provided to you since this post. In addition to the recovery resources that were provided to you before this post. (I'd go back and pick those up, too.)

Also, don't overlook the free Marriage Builders Radio show. More than any other resource, this saved my marriage:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

Send Dr. Harley and his wife an email and they will answer it on the show. Going on the show is basically a free session with Dr. Harley and I highly recommend it. (Been on there twice myself.)

I did. I found the book extremely helpful. The problem is i read it two months after the exposure. We were already working to restore the marriage. My husband spent about 5 hours on one of the forums and decided to post the cheaterville bit. I was crushed. I know I deserved it and perhaps if it was during the exposure I would have expected it but months after it seemed like revenge. Anyway it doesn't matter I am confident that if we use christ's example we will be better than before....

Are you interested in using the resources offered here to help your recovery?

Thanks Markos you have been very helpful. I will read anything that was not in the book.

Did you listen to these clips from Dr. Harley?

Not yet I have spent too much time on this forum but I will over the next few days.

Here's a crucial resource:

The friends and enemies of good converstaion

Enemies of good conversation:
* Making demands - using conversation to get your way
* Being disrespectful - using conversation to force agreement to your way of thinking
* Expressing anger - using conversation to punish each other
* Dwelling on mistakes of the past or present

Can you see how these enemies of good conversation make a conversation unenjoyable for one or both spouses? In particular the rule against dwelling on mistakes of the past or present is one of Dr. Harley's major recommendations for marital recovery. Many a recovery has been sabotaged as a betrayed spouse continually brings up an affair over and over again, sometimes for years. Dr. Harley's recommendation is to provide all information about the affair and then to NEVER TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN (assuming of course that all information was in fact honestly given).

Can you see how agreeing to follow this rule with your husband would be beneficial for your recovery, and would benefit you, personally? I'm sure you do not want him to remind you of this - the biggest mistake of your life, and the most hurtful ever to him and your daughter - over and over again for the rest of your life. In return, of course, you would have to agree to stop dwelling on what you consider to be his mistake of further exposing your affair.

The radio show is hands down the best Marriage Builders resource. You could not possibly do better than to jumpstart your recovery by writing in to the show, and to start listening daily. It's like a marriage class, five days a week.

I'm glad to see you answering questions.

Good and if there are any that you would like me to dig up just let me know. Hearing things from Dr. Harley really helps to understand things clearly.

Good Marie you are still being sucked in! No I mean that, we are happy to have you still with us.

When you are in an affair, you enter into a sort of 'fog' as has been referenced by some posts on your thread. It is a fog of you trying to deceive your own mind into rationalizing your own behavior. Your mind in the fog will of course fight any course of action or advice that does not serve that goal, such as exposure, or advice that it was YOUR CHOICE to have an affair and that you are no victim.

Nobody is slamming you, the Marie that is a beautiful and strong woman of faith, and I'm sure a devoted and loving wife and mother. But we are ALL trying to get through to you, the Marie that is in the fog of entitlement and self centered cake eating. Because without lifting the fog, how will the real Marie emerge?

You are quite right Markos or Dr. Harley is....I was having a difficult time because i was holding on to bitterness of the past. I am trying my best to move forward. I won't bring up the cheaterville thing again.

There's 29 articles in the Q&A section on infidelity that I linked:

Steps to Recover from Infidelity

On the radio show Dr. Harley is constantly commenting on situations that aren't directly addressed in the books.

Very important questions to answer and steps to take. These are straight out of Surviving an Affair. (Prisca is my wife, btw.)

By the way, the radio show repeats every hour, so you can listen to each day's show at any time. It repeats hourly until the next day's show. That's 23 replays for most shows, and 72 hours worth of replays of Friday's show through the weekend. Plenty of time to tune in and your convenience and sit in marriage class with Dr. Harley.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html