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I guess so. Thank you for the kind advice mr nice guy. Lexxxu and mr eureka. You were really helpful.
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I have been trying but I have been defeated.
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And I did address the questions pages ago no one responded to that....
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I have been trying but I have been defeated. I don't really know what this means. You and your husband have brought up cheaterville repeatedly today. Posters here did a good job yesterday and earlier today in steering the thread round to Dr Harley's programme of recovery. They posted a number of links and talked to you about changing your shift pattern and changing your phone number. However, you have gone back to talking about cheaterville over and over again and ended up attacking the forum as "toxic". You haven't been defeated over recovery plans by anybody here. You have defeated our efforts to help you in recovery by lashing out at posters about cheaterville.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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And I did address the questions pages ago no one responded to that.... Yes, I did. I asked when will you be changing your number?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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And I did address the questions pages ago no one responded to that.... I see no response to the check list I posted. I see two other people have posted it, but no response from you. I would like you to go down the list point by point and answer with a yes or no if the item has been done.
Last edited by Prisca; 08/22/14 08:33 PM.
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Okay I will happily change my phone number. I have been tested for STDs months ago. I cannot stop working nights as we have two daughters in college. Trust me I would love to but college will not pay for itself. I should be able to procure new employment in 18 months. Why are you logged on as your BH? When will you change all contact information? Why can't you get a day job? See this is when I responded and asked questions and was ignored.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Which of the following has been done? What is left to do?
Checklist for How Affairs Should End
_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:
_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
_____Spend leisure time together.
_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
_____Avoid overnight separation.
_____Allow technical accountability.
_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends. I'm quoting this EP list because you really need to pay serious attention to this. Look over it carefully and give it some serious thought. Both my wife and I had to leave our jobs, and we moved several states away to secure our recovery. Recovery takes bold steps. Understand that *everyone* is trying to you here. ML is one of the most caring and knowledgeable posters here. You will find this process very challenging, but you can restore your marriage if you are willing to make the hard choices.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Marie,
I am a former WW, I am also a nurse ~ you must know as do weall how highly in demand nursing is? Are you saying that where you live has zero opportunaties for nurses other than at night?
I worked LDRP for years as well, I couldn't continue with the hours and shift I had so I took a less desirable position in a scope of nursing in not particularly fond of BUT it was essential in saving my marriage.
I know you feel "ganged" up on, but PLEASE listen, PLEASE read!!! The one person you've insulted the most here, is one of the first people to welcome you and your BH.
FWW, 36
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I talked to the guy after my husband posted us on cheaterville and contacted his ex girl friend. I have absolutely no feelings left for this man and it was not a "reconnection" or anything of the sort. The important thing is not how you feel about it but when it was and will you take steps to make it impossible in the future. That is really all that matters for recovery.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Trust me I would love to but college will not pay for itself. I should be able to procure new employment in 18 months. My personal feeling is that college age kids are capable of paying for college by themselves, if they feel it is worth it. 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I never understood the logic of Marie's point that "babies come at all hours of the day and night". By that very logic, she should have no trouble finding a shift that covers the day rather than the night.
If babies only came at night there would only be night jobs on the labour ward. Since they come morning, noon and night there must be morning, noon and night shifts! Pick a different shift!
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I am a labor nurse melody. You talk out both sides of your mouth melody since yesterday I deserved to be on cheaterville and today no one told my husband to do that. Get your story straight. I think we are all best served to drop that issue and quit dwelling on it, at least if the plan here is to make the affair something that will be dropped and not dwelt on. I'm reading through here and trying to catch up, but I'm hoping here at some point that you'll answer Prisca's question about which of the steps for ending an affair you have taken. Hopefully I just haven't gotten to it yet. Have you followed my suggestion about re-reading the thread from the start and making two lists? You wanted recovery help, and have received a lot from absolutely the best.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I am a labor nurse melody. You talk out both sides of your mouth melody since yesterday I deserved to be on cheaterville and today no one told my husband to do that. Get your story straight. You know, folks aren't going to help you if you are snotty, Marie. It's really worth mentioning that the absolute best help you can get on this site is from MelodyLane. The things that are getting you so upset that you don't want to hear? Those are usually the things that are most important for you to hear. It was true for me.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You know melody there have been some really kind and merciful people on this site but it has never been from you. You are mean spirited and ugly. If you truly don't appreciate help from the most experienced and best and most helpful poster on this site, you can always click ignore so you don't have to read her posts. That would probably be better than fighting and arguing with her in front of the rest of us, since most of us think pretty highly of her. Then you could move on to something productive. After all, are you here to recover your marriage, or to straighten out MelodyLane?  I promise you she can't be straightened out, but she is beyond a doubt the best coach on this site. Did you ever have a coach who pushed you harder than you thought was necessary, to get you to do more than you thought you were capable of?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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And that woman is absolutely not trying to help anyone. How about you ignore her and start answering all of the unanswered questions? It took about two days to get you to answer when last contact was. At this rate most of my seven kids will be grown by the time you are halfway done answering. Several years ago SugarCane on this site took me to task for being impossible to get answers out of. Boy I'm glad she did! Once I started actually paying attention to the questions people were asking me and the things people were telling me I learned a lot!! Someone has brought a great saying to this board from Alcoholics Anonymous: "Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth." I love it and it's great advice. And it came from MelodyLane.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Nope I think we are better off on our own. Is it truly about being on your own, or is it about winning the fight? Good heavens, Marie. Let it go! Don't make me post a youtube video of the song from Frozen...
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I am not going to discuss my finances with you. We do what we need to to support our family. Obviously we are at an impass. I would recommend the book but this forum is toxic. Thanks! What a nice thing to say. Here I thought I was helping. But I see you've ignored my suggestions and are more interested in fighting with forum people than getting help for recovery... Marie, either go do it on your own if you're sure you can do that, or quit fighting and start listening to someone (even if you aren't willing to listen to everyone). But for the love of Mike, quit fighting and arguing. You are at the biggest crisis point ever for your marriage and all you can do is try to straighten out complete strangers on the internet? ![[Linked Image from imgs.xkcd.com]](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/duty_calls.png)
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I am not obsessing I think it is strange. And kind of twisted. You're not obsessing, but 24 hours after saying this subject was over, you are still talking about it and have yet to answer the checklist for recover from Dr. Harley that was posted above. I'm kind of OCD myself, and I think I know obsessive when I see it, but I guess I'll try to reserve judgment. Bilbo, the Ring is still in your pocket. (Apologies if you don't get the reference.) How much longer are we going to talk about that mistake? Because I'd like to come back when the subject finally is over, for real, and see if there's anything I can do to help recovery, whenever we get past this and can actually get started. btw, one of the most important things my wife and I had to learn in marital recovery was how to not fight. Do you and your husband fight a lot? I'm kind of wondering since it seems you are very interested in fighting and passing by all the great recovery advice you got. I know the fight is more exciting. Believe me, I get it. I've been that guy. But marital recovery is so much more better.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I have been trying but I have been defeated. Trying to what? Trying to stop talking about a particular subject? Who controls what you do - you or other people? Locus of control - self control - loss of control - an article by the great Marriage Builder Pepperband
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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