Plan B w/o exposure is tough to recover from if I so choose.

Always expose. Plan A, Plan B or straight to divorce - always expose. Prisca wasn't suggesting that you skip exposure.

I've got no solid proof....but it is building. I came home from staying at my Dad's, wife was working as a volunteer for my daughter's marching band. Actually stopped by to say hi. I got home to check the history on the laptop, and saw about a dozen real estate sites, searching for homes....seems another nail in the coffin for our family. I won't confront her with this yet, as she can easily say that she is just "preparing" if things don't go well. I will float.

My wife, you have plenty of proof that she is hiding something and that should be a deal breaker in a marriage that has already gone through an affair. Don't put yourself through this again. There is nothing here to save. I am sorry.

I know....

If her phone is connected to wifi then you can keylogg.
You will need to find a tech forum to ask this question; but I know it can.

Do you think she'll suspect you posting here again???

I hate to recommend snooping stuff if she might discover it.

On the up side, at least she was looking for real estate to move her butt out versus thinking this time she might be better off having YOU move out (likely using the excuse it'll be better for the kids).

As a I recall, last time she had so prescription drug issues. Maybe that was just the OM at that time, but something to keep an eye on. Instead of a personality disorder, maybe it's an addiction problem???

Do you have a suspect in mind??? If she is playing it close to the vest perhaps a private eye or friend can follow or track the suspected OM and get intelligence easier that way.

Even though it seems pretty obvious, denial is a powerful force for waywards and she will/may try to spin any exposure you do to others without proof as crazy "hormonal" "he's been ill" jealous conjecture. Keep your cards close to the vest and don't let on to your suspicions just yet. Maybe even apologize like your hormones and illness are doing this all to you and you are so sorry for speculating. You don't know what's come over you.

Give her some rope with which to hang herself.

Mr. W

btw

Do the kids even know about affair No. 1??

It was a long time ago and they were pretty young at the time. Someday soon you'll be needing to have an honest talk with them about what is going on it their lives (your family's lives). They are much older now and capable of hearing and understanding much more. If you don't recall having read the information, just ask or start a thread and information will be forthcoming.

Generally, you would expose alone to your children. Just you and them. Full honesty and answer all questions. They need to know it's not them and that they can count on you for the truth and to always be there for them. You want to avoid the doing it together and cushioning the truth into something like "mom and dad just don't love each other anymore, divorce happens sometimes but we both absolutely love you and it'll be all OK". She'll want to make it a comparative blame debate versus accepting complete blame. Even doing it alone, you do not vouch for or guarantee "mom's love" for them, because in this instance, it's not guaranteed and you can't speak for her. This mom doesn't care and she does leave (pretty soon it'll be twice). That's why you can't expose to the kids with her there. It'll involve lies and half truths, you'll be tempted to protect her and she'll fight back if you "expose" too much of the truth. If she has grievances she wants to air, she's free to talk to her children anytime she wants but you don't debate her. Let the kids determine over time who to trust, who they can rely upon and who the liar is.

If and when you get to this...please discuss it here first.

MWIL, I think you are in a little bit of a BS fog - you DO have solid proof. She won't let you see her phone. That is all the proof anybody needs in your situation.

THAT is what you need to expose. That, especially along with all of the facts of her prior infidelity, is enough evidence to convince a jury. Your children should know this current development as well as the past, and her family should know, and anyone else that is in her life. THEN, you need to go to Plan B.

Plan B is designed to protect YOU. In your bad health you are exactly the kind of person Plan B is designed for. You can never compensate for her unwillingness to protect your marriage, no matter how long or how hard you Plan A. You are well past the point at which you can be effective at Plan A. Get on out and protect yourself so that there is still a MWIL to reconcile with, if she ever chooses to.

Pretty sure it's a FB emotional affair....she hasn't had many opportunities (that I know of) to meet up with OP. I have been to many "psychs" over the last 8 months...so I have a history that she can take advantage of....even if I "got out"...I'm screwed. I will be living as a cuckold....and probably die as one.

Could I be wrong??? Everyone in my family, even knowing her history, says that she has confided with them throughout the struggles of my issues, which are resolving somewhat. My wife, came to me a few weeks ago saying that she was struggling with things regarding my "condition". I am the one who brought up her susceptibility to an affair...and she says that opened a scab that started all this. Even my sister says, she may need some privacy with friends... but she's leary...but I think I know better. The mood swings in our discussion are insane with her. She says that I should trust her, and that giving me access to her phone is a deal breaker....If in a BS fog.....I'm better off as a cuckhold, I'll treat her like a sister, I guess, and move on.

The exposure part should be with stone cold solid proof...which I don't have. And I know of no way to break into her phone to get the solid evidence. And with my "head case" diagnosis by the Dr.s, spreading around a bunch of non provable exposure could spell something more serious than just an insane response...and really, I'm not sure I want the marriage...so exposure would be out of resentment, and without proof would backfire. My best option is to live with my "sister" and have full access to my kids. Really, over the last 10 months or so, that's been how I've been living anyway with my self consumed searching for my ailment...maybe I am a head case. I have a very tough road ahead.

Put a voice activated recording device under the driver's seat of her car. You'll likely catch her talking to an OM or discussing her situation with a trusted girlfriend.

Even if you think she's wise to that tactic, she likely won't even consider that you'd do it.

Mr. w

Hide another one or two around the house or in the garage. Wherever she's most likely to engage in cell phone discussions or even Skype'ing

NO, you are not wrong. There is no reason for her to be so protective of her phone unless she is hiding something. She should know this by now.

Sir,
I just told you what to do.
She connects to the wifi at the home.
Install a keylogger on the wifi modem

On second thought, hire a PI

someone needs to help me know how to do that and where to get one.

MWIL,

I've used a "packet sniffer" before to monitor wireless networks.

At the time I could see what websites they visited, it was awhile back so I don't remember the details.

https://www.wireshark.org/

God Bless
Gamma

I'm not a total expert on that stuff but I don't think you'll get anything out of a packet sniffer or "modem key logger". Facebook data is SSL encrypted. (https)

I think you would have to go the route of getting into the phone somehow. A low tech way of doing this would be a "smudge attack".

Here is some onfo on that: Smudge Attack

And a research paper on the topic: Smudge Attack Research Paper